How to change my kids surnames after marriage? Bio dad won’t consent.

[FriendlyRock]

I’ve just got married and have two young-ish bio kids under 12.

My new husband has no bio kids, but these are ‘our’ kids, they call him Daddy. Their bio dad is totally absent for years.

Neither of us have been married before and are both 50.

He’s an Aries, I’m a ....only joking. You know how it goes with not drip feeding !

So the kids have only ever had my surname, I wasn’t married to their bio dad.

But now we want to change surnames so we’re all united as a family.
They don’t want to lose their current surname they said, so I’m going to double-barrell myself and the kids by adding husband’s surname with a hyphen.

However it’s a right palaver Googling how to do this.
I’ve read that I do need a deed poll to double barrell, or that I don’t need to deed poll for myself anyway as I’m married now, or that I don’t need to, but they do, and that deed polls are pointless anyway,...

I’ve read that because their bio dad won’t consent to a name change as he has Parental Responsibility, I’ll have to take him to court (about £300 if I don’t use a solicitor), but I can’t find which local court deals with kids name changes .

It doesn’t come under ‘Family Law:Children’ because that’s only for contact and support issues.

Has anyone changed their bio kids surnames after they got married, (where the person they married has no bio kids of their own), and where the kids bio dad refuses consent? Which law court should I be applying to?

I’m only asking here first tonight, but realise I’ll probably have to instruct a solicitor to do it all for me eventually.
The kids bio dad has had proceedings against domestic violence in the past, so I know he’ll drag it out through the courts to ensure it costs me as much as possible .

There’s so many websites as well, deedpoll this and changeyournameofficial that, who knows how much they’d stiff me for in the small print some of them even say ‘we’ll advise you how to change your name’ not, ‘here’s where to start!’

Any ideas please from someone who’s been through (very) similar? Thankyou

I have passports to get for holiday and all sorts to do so it’s quite important. (And yep the bio dad is going to contest the taking kids out do the country without his permission too, I’m sure). But that’s another bridge to cross later. Worst bit is I haven’t heard from him for a couple of years, and now he’ll enjoy resuming contact.

Apart from anything else if you propose this with the courts your ex may propose changing it to double barrel his name and their name. Which they are much more likely to say yes to as he is their father.
I feel you are opening a can of worms and giving him ideas.

Your new DH should change his name. I have a different professional name to my passport etc. It’s not a big deal!

But now we want to change surnames so we’re all united as a family

My family -
Me: Jones-Smith
DH: Smith
StepDD: Smith-Bloggs
DD: Smith

StepDD hasn't seen her mum since she was 3, but she kept the double-barrelled surname she was born with because her mum is still her mum, and her mum's heritage is her heritage. She may choose to change it when she's a teenager/adult if that's her choice. It doesn't stop us being one united family. Don't change your DC's surname if they don't want to.

If you do want to all have the same surname, DH can change his to yours (lots of women have different 'professional' names)

Or you can double-barrel your own -
You: Greene-Rock
Him: Greene
DC: Rock
And you're clearly related to all of them

there are lots of inconsistencies in your 'story'. The bio dad is 'completely absent' but has parental responsibility and will object to you taking the children abroad on holiday (how will he even know)

There are no inconsistencies.

Parental responsibility should really be called parental privilege or parental rights and in many cases it could be called 'parental rights to fuck with the ex until the children turn 18'. It doesn't signify any presence or influence in the children's lives or ongoing relationship.

Some abusive parents keep track of social media or keep up a friendly relationship with a family member of an ex just in order to spy, and will haul their ex to court if any transgression of a residency order is made, such as a trip abroad without his consent. He could demand an itinerary, addresses and phone numbers of hotels or campsites, etc. The OP does not want to risk being summoned to family court to explain why she broke a court order (establishing PR, which comes with conditions both parents must observe). She could be held in contempt of court.

Poking the hornets nest that is a, currently absent and leaving you alone, abusive ex for this reason is just totally reckless tbh. There are very valid reasons you may need to get in touch with him at various stages of your DCs lives, and that will be bad enough having to worry about what he will do, but to do it for this reason, when your DCs don’t even want it, is just bonkers. In your shoes you should be doing everything possible to keep him away from your DC and out of your lives, not inviting him back in for a flipping name change that the DC don’t want and that can be very easily resolved by either you’re DH or you double barrelling
Joxer

^^ THIS

Hi OP,

When I was 10, my parents never went through deedpoll or anything. I said I wanted to double barrel mylast name, so that's what I got called. I changed it again when I went NC with my bio dad.
It was then deedpolled to my mother's maiden name when I was 16. But then I got married at 21 so completely change of name.
Can barely remember my own name now

Ask your children on their idea on what to do about the name?

Wrong thread, reported

"Husband doesn’t want to change his surname despite it being easier all round."

If names are an important part of someone's identity, then leave your children's surnames alone. If they're not, then your DH should have no problem with changing his.

It's not a great message for him to be sending to his new step-children - "My name is important but yours isn't." At best it makes him look like a hypocrite.

I don't think you need to change their names. Your newly hyphenated name is the link between you all. This is all I have done - added my husbands surname to mine and together that links our combined family of 7. Also, our pets have the hyphenated name at the vets

Keep it simple.

Saying that, i changed my children's names years ago through the Family court. My daughters wanted the change (to my name - absent father) and they were interviewed by CAFCASS who recommended it was in the girls best interest and what they wanted.

What do you think your kids would tell CAFCASS? What do they really want? Are you the only one that's really bothered?

I use my maiden name for work and married name at home. It's no problem for your DH to do the same. Why is he so bothered about foisting his name onto a 10 and 12 year old who don't want it so he can pass on his name?

It sounds like this is way more important to you than it is them. You really sound like you're pushing it.
Why not leave it for now, and let them decide whether they want to change their name when they are 18?
It doesn't take away from the fact that you're a family unit. You could always double barrel yours so you have both names.

Your husband saying he wants to keep his name because of the family line makes no sense really, as he doesn't have children of his own to carry it on? It sounds like you're pushing your children to take his name to carry on his line for him?
Agree with previous posters - the 'bio' dad thing is off, he's dad and your DH is stepdad. That doesn't undermine their relationship at all, it's just how it legally is.

Surely the really obvious solution is for your husband to double barrel your surname with his? Then he keeps his surname (important to him), you all share a name (important to you all), you don't have to worry about what the kids want (important as quite possibly they don't really know how they feel about changing), and you don't have to deal with your ex and the courts.

You dont need the same name to be a family. My DC have a different name and doesn't matter one bit. We still feel like a family.