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Original poster

I think my husband has been sacked

162 replies

Dogsaresomucheasier · 01/07/2019 20:15

I know work has been going badly for him, but now a p45 has shown up. ( yes, I know I shouldn’t have opened it, but you know when you know something’s not right!) We have a mortgage and 3dc, what the hell do I do or say?
He’s not intentionally crap or lazy, but getting too old for what he does. He’s “at work” now. I’ve tried to call and been told he’s not there. I’m worried for his mental health and how the hell we’re going to cope. What paperwork should he have? How easy is it to get a job in say a shop if you’ve been sacked from something else?

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 01/07/2019 20:16

Gosh, that must be a real shock for you. Has he spoken about work recently?

Original poster
Dogsaresomucheasier · 01/07/2019 20:18

Yes, a lot! He’s made a couple of significant mistakes, but he told me he was on a support plan.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dogsaresomucheasier · 01/07/2019 20:20

He’s worked for the same organisation for over 20 years.

OP posts:
CannyLad · 01/07/2019 20:28

If you play 'you can leave your hat on' does he involuntarily start swaying to the music??! Sure fire test.

Seriously though, can you just say you opened his post by accident and talk it through? It's not something he can hide forever and you can come at it from a position of supporting him. If he's been fired after 20 years his head must be spinning.

Bluntness100 · 01/07/2019 20:32

How old is he op? Do you work?

Oblomov19 · 01/07/2019 20:34

What are you going to do about his lying and deceit?

SunnyTikka · 01/07/2019 20:34

Is your DH in a union? It is very unusual to be dismissed after 20 years for performance issues. It sounds like he needs some support as there will have been lots of meetings before it actually happened.

ljer · 01/07/2019 20:35

If his P45 is there, he’s no longer employed. You need to be calm and talk it though. Take him to the job center to get some advice

Unescorted · 01/07/2019 20:36

You need to talk it through with him. Opening his post is the least of your problems. The sooner you know the state of affairs the sooner you can sort out a plan of action.

Hope you get it sorted out.

Original poster
Dogsaresomucheasier · 01/07/2019 20:38

Appreciate The Full Monty reference! Yes, I can, and will. I could do with knowing what to expect though! How long would it take for the p45 to rock up? I feel like he’s probably had/having some kind of breakdown. Can he be signed off sick retrospectively? What process should his employer have followed? Should the union have been involved? If he’s made poor decisions because of mental illness, which I suspect is what has happened, what can we do?

OP posts:
Atalune · 01/07/2019 20:38

People don’t just get the back within 20 years of service under their belt.

Things will have been going wrong for some time. Poor guy. What a mess.

He’s obviously in a mess, talk to him.

Original poster
Dogsaresomucheasier · 01/07/2019 20:39

I work full time, thankfully!

OP posts:
Unburnished · 01/07/2019 20:41

The P45 will tell you his last day worked.

Original poster
Dogsaresomucheasier · 01/07/2019 20:44

June 16th. So he’s been going somewhere three days a week for the last fortnight? (He’s part time)

OP posts:
Bourbonbiccy · 01/07/2019 20:45

Sounds like he's got himself in a right pickle.
I think the best idea is just saying you opened it by mistake, and talk it through calmly.

I think he must have simply just not known what to do.💐💐

crustycrab · 01/07/2019 20:47

He might've been working elsewhere, hopefully. But more likely a cafe/pub/library. Sounds like he's having a few issues, probably feeling a failure etc. I'd support him and not hold a grudge or be angry about the lying in this situation.

miaCara · 01/07/2019 20:49

How awful for him. He must have been struggling at work for some time if they have implemented a support plan ( rarely supportive in my experience) . And hes been 'going to work' for possibly a couple of weeks now. Doing what with his day? Thats not good for anyone .
Its time you helped him bring this to a close ( since hes successfully managing to avoid it himself) and then you can tackle the future as a team.
He can claim universal credit but it will be a household application so you will need to apply also and your income will form part of the assessment.
This site will help explain how it works.
I feel for both of you. Ive been in a similar situation but my DH coudnt sustain the pretence so it didnt carry on for long. Still shit but we came out okay in the end.

Millie2018 · 01/07/2019 20:50

A P45 doesn’t necessarily mean he has been sacked, only that he is no longer employed. He may have left voluntarily. No way round it OP, time to sit down and talk about it.

Specialkay1983 · 01/07/2019 20:51

I think that if he’s monthly paid and he’s received his p45 then he was probably dismissed May or June, and depending on the nature of his dismissal he may have been dismissed with notice so he may be “going to work” whilst looking for another job. If he was paid notice it would likely be paid in lieu so if it was 12 weeks notice, which I think it would be due to his service, this would be paid in one payment to allow him to be processed as a leaver. If he was dismissed he can appeal but depending on when he may be out of time to do this. I would speak to him and ask him to be honest and then take some advice from ACAS or Citizens advice. You could lodge an appeal when out of time but you would need to explain the circumstances why out of time, which may be his mental health. I would also suggest a visit to the GP. MIND is a mental h although charity and they have an informative website too which may help. Hope you get some support with the situation xxx

ScreamingValenta · 01/07/2019 20:52

It couldn't be something like a TUPE, could it? My husband has been TUPEd a couple of times - I can't remember if he got a P45 but someone here might know if that happens.

EAIOU · 01/07/2019 20:57

What time is he due to finish at?

I wouldn't say anything to him until hes due to be home from "work" encase he gets panicked by this.

Is there any chance he could be working a notice period or was the 16th date of employment ending?

It must be a big shock to you but if he is unemployed, it must be a massive weight on his shoulders and he probably really wants to tell you.

Are you ok?

EarlGreyOfTwinings · 01/07/2019 20:58

It's better to know asap and be able to deal with your finances immediately. Talk to him.

I don't think posters are very realistic to pretend you can't be easily dismissed after 20 years. For many different reasons, it's quite common.

No one needs to be told he's been "sacked", the concept of redundancy is widely accepted now. Your DH showed commitment for staying for so long, on paper he's not unemployable at all.

Good luck.

Original poster
Dogsaresomucheasier · 01/07/2019 21:00

Thanks for the link, Mia! No, no TUPE type restructuring. He should have finished at eight and be home soonish.

OP posts:
Sarahandco · 01/07/2019 21:02

He may be relieved if you tell you know

Original poster
Dogsaresomucheasier · 01/07/2019 21:02

I’m okay in a shocked, need answers sort of way. I’m asking Mumsnet because he’s not here to ask!

OP posts:
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