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Original poster

I think my husband has been sacked

162 replies

Dogsaresomucheasier · 01/07/2019 20:15

I know work has been going badly for him, but now a p45 has shown up. ( yes, I know I shouldn’t have opened it, but you know when you know something’s not right!) We have a mortgage and 3dc, what the hell do I do or say?
He’s not intentionally crap or lazy, but getting too old for what he does. He’s “at work” now. I’ve tried to call and been told he’s not there. I’m worried for his mental health and how the hell we’re going to cope. What paperwork should he have? How easy is it to get a job in say a shop if you’ve been sacked from something else?

OP posts:
C0untDucku1a · 01/07/2019 21:13

Hope it goes well. He must be feeling awful

Lemoncurd · 01/07/2019 21:14

Used to house share with a colleague and one day a P45 turned up for him. He got the shock of his life as it was the first he'd heard of his dismissal- in that case it turned out that the company sent it in error.

Try and wait until you get a chance to speak. Hope all works out x

TeaForTheWin · 01/07/2019 21:14

Had to laugh at take him to the job center to get some advice ...that's not how job centres work haha.

Sit him down op and give it a calm 'well, what's the plan now?' and talk it through with him. If he apologises about not telling you sooner and you can rationally discuss a game plan then cool...if however he makes a big drama, blames you for opening his post, cant take responsibility ect...maybe it's more than his work that isn't working.

Original poster
Dogsaresomucheasier · 01/07/2019 21:15

Well, there is one, printed on white, A4 paper not sealed with the perforated strips like a payslip, but it calls itself a p. 45. 3 sheets of paper, a copy for him, a sheet to give a new employer and a bit to send back to the inland revenue!

OP posts:
Oblomov19 · 01/07/2019 21:16

News to me.
I've issued 15 x P45's in the last month, at my various jobs.

LauraMipsum · 01/07/2019 21:16

Eleanor that's only in Ireland, they're still in use in the rest of the UK.

EleanorReally · 01/07/2019 21:17

yes, my mistake

Alexkate2468 · 01/07/2019 21:17

Oh OP, that sounds difficult. Definitely be calm with him. I’m guessing he’s feeling embarrassed or like he’s failed and has been trying to hide it. On the face of it, it doesn’t sound like lying and deceit like a pop said. I think you’re right to suspect some sort of mental health issue here. I hope you both work this out Flowers

FuriousVexation · 01/07/2019 21:17

I can kind of imagine being in this situation (i mean his). It will be a massive relief when you tell him you know whats happened.

I'm wishing you both the best and hoping things work out.

notapizzaeater · 01/07/2019 21:19

Hope everything works out ok. Perhaps he thought he would get a job straight away and didn't want to worry you

bevelino · 01/07/2019 21:20

OP, if he has been managed out of his job he may have signed a compromise agreement and received a payment as part of the process.

Nanna50 · 01/07/2019 21:20

I don’t understand that link, in my line of work I’ve seen numerous P60’s this year?

I hope you’ve been able to speak to him tonight.

Nanna50 · 01/07/2019 21:21

Oops crossed post it’s only Ireland.

Prettyvase · 01/07/2019 21:23

TRIGGER

Please tread very carefully and sensitively op because this happened to someone I know whose dh kept up the pretence for over 6 months.

When she found out ( both ds at boarding school) the humiliation and shame as well as the debts gave him a total mental breakdown and he took his own life.

She says she would have traded in the house, holidays, expensive education and all the pressure if she could, just to have him back.

LorelaiRoryEmily · 01/07/2019 21:24

@LauraMipsum that’s only in Ireland, they’re still in use in the rest Of the UK.

Ireland is NOT part of the uk thanks very much.

@Dogsaresomucheasier I’m sorry you have to deal with this. I hope your husband is ok.

Drum2018 · 01/07/2019 21:24

He must be feeling pretty shit if he feels he has to hide it from you - maybe he's embarrassed. When he does get in I'd just tell him you opened the envelope and ask him what happened. Try not to get angry - hear him out first.

WhereForArtThouBray · 01/07/2019 21:25

I hope he gives you the full story OP so you can move past it and come up with a plan for the future.

Katinski · 01/07/2019 21:27

Poor bloke and poor you as a family tooSad

Wish you all the best and hope that between you you can come up with a plan. Horrible shockSad

Flowers
Sunshineonleith12 · 01/07/2019 21:27

Perhaps he's been made redundant as opposed to being sacked and is due a decent payout after 20 years service?

Rhubarb01 · 01/07/2019 21:31

Sorry, to hear this. It must have come as quite a shock to you. If it's any help, when it comes to looking for another job, most employers providing references to new employers will confirm nothing more than job title and dates of employment due to concerns about being sued if anything stated is incorrect or subjective. If there have been work-related issues, I would be surprised if any previous employer would provide details to a new employer. Hope you are able to talk things over with your DH.

PeoniesarePink · 01/07/2019 21:32

He's probably very embarrassed but he can't hide it forever. I'd leave the P45 out very visibly and a note saying "we need to talk, don't we" then wait for him to come to you.

LauraMipsum · 01/07/2019 21:32

Sorry Lorelai. Should have been only in use in the UK.

scubadive · 01/07/2019 21:34

Hi op, really feel for you. To have sacked someone after 20 years would take a few months process. They would need to have offered training courses, support, mentoring, then first written warnings, then monitoring during a review period before a penal hearing and final warnings then panel and dismissal. I would check everything followed properly. If not he could sue for unfair dismissal or constructive dismissal if he was bullied out. If he has MH issues, these would make it very hard to sack someone, he could have gone on long term sick and at least been paid for a few months. I hope he didn’t just resign out of pressure and stress. I would go to citizens advice, after 20 years service he should at least get a few months sick pay before resigning. You need to explain that you know and work it through. No point staying in a job that is stressing you but he should at least have some months pay so that he can look for something else, even if sick pay.

LorelaiRoryEmily · 01/07/2019 21:36

@LauraMipsum no problem. I probably didn’t need to point it out🤦🏻‍♀️😊

DtPeabodysLoosePants · 01/07/2019 21:38

Oh OP, what a shock. Your poor DH, he must be so upset, scared and worried about so many things but mainly about your reaction if he hasn't told you. You sound like you will be supportive of him and help him through this. I hope he's ok-it's a massive blow to the ego for men who are used to being the breadwinners although I know he's semi retired and part time now. Even so, after 20 years, what a slap in the face. Although maybe he knew it was coming and was too ashamed to say anything. Winefor you both tonight