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Original poster

I think my husband has been sacked

162 replies

Dogsaresomucheasier · 01/07/2019 20:15

I know work has been going badly for him, but now a p45 has shown up. ( yes, I know I shouldn’t have opened it, but you know when you know something’s not right!) We have a mortgage and 3dc, what the hell do I do or say?
He’s not intentionally crap or lazy, but getting too old for what he does. He’s “at work” now. I’ve tried to call and been told he’s not there. I’m worried for his mental health and how the hell we’re going to cope. What paperwork should he have? How easy is it to get a job in say a shop if you’ve been sacked from something else?

OP posts:
UterusUterusGhali · 01/07/2019 22:32

Crikey.
My stomach lurched for you both.

Cassort · 01/07/2019 22:41

It is one of the most life changing things to lose your job. I have almost taken my own life as a result. Please tell him you know and that you'll survive!

KnittingForMittens · 01/07/2019 22:44

Please talk to him. And be there for him/comfort him. He is probably going through a shit time.

INeedAFlerken · 01/07/2019 22:47

I'm so sorry he's felt the need to hide what's happened.

Please tread carefully. when you talk to him.

Ylvamoon · 01/07/2019 22:51

Be gentle, but at the same time let him know that you need to know the truth - whatever that is. Otherwise this can easily turn into a massive trust issue for the future. Tell him to remember, a problem shared is a problem halved! I

Bagadverts · 01/07/2019 22:51

Flowers for you while you deal with this.

buckeejit · 01/07/2019 22:51

Give him a tight hug when he gets in & make a cuppa & just ask to talk. Try to stay calm & good that you have a FT job. There's options out there for him.

Good luck

EdtheBear · 01/07/2019 22:51

Give him a big hug and remind him a problem shared is a problem halved.

Getting laid off is brutal, absoultely brutal, but in my experience one door closes another will open!

MummyOfTwo92 · 01/07/2019 22:52
Thanks
Aragog · 01/07/2019 22:52

I know a man who did this. He 'went' to work for quite a few weeks after being made redundant, living the same lifestyle and obviously his wife and kids didn't know so they were spending too

It did come crashing down eventually. Though he'd not made the right decision to tell his wife initially and that had made the financial situation much worse, you couldn't help but sympathise too. He was a mental wreck by the time he found out.

YouWhoNeverArrived · 01/07/2019 22:56

My dad did this. He "went to work" for a couple of weeks after leaving his job before my mum found out. Luckily he found another job quickly so there were no lasting financial consequences. I think this is a common reaction - for many men, their job is an integral part of their identity, and their ability to be the breadwinner makes them feel masculine. As PP have said, be kind, gentle and supportive. He's probably feeling very fragile.

Mythreefavouritethings · 01/07/2019 22:57

Poor man. Hope he’s OK, if he has been sacked hopefully it will be a relief to be open.

user1486131602 · 01/07/2019 23:02

He may have another job and is going to work?
Yes, if he’s ill the drs can sign you off in retrospect.
If you earn more that £17,000 pa you may not be entitled to any benefits. You can check on here: gov.org
Just be honest and straightforward about the p45 and encourage him to do the same!

I wish you both the best.

user1497997754 · 01/07/2019 23:04

I hope he is okay he must be feeling really low in himself he will need lots of TLC as he prob feels ashamed. Please be kind to him x

ConfCall · 01/07/2019 23:04

I suspect he’ll be relieved that he doesn’t have to tell you OP.

I hope he’s ok.

comoagua · 01/07/2019 23:22

I remember my firm laid off a nice man with long-standing service there wasn’t a good fit role for and he wouldn’t work from home/take gardening leave and insisted on coming into work for the whole notice period. Getting laid off is hard at any age but terrifying after so long in one firm.

Dillow · 01/07/2019 23:31

I hope he's ok

Redred2429 · 01/07/2019 23:33

This sounds so hard op I would recommend asking him to see his GP as soon as possible

Italiangreyhound · 01/07/2019 23:51

Prettyvase oh that is so sad. OP I hope your dh is OK. All the very best. Thanks

BritInUS1 · 02/07/2019 00:00

I hope you are both OK x

Ilovemypantry · 02/07/2019 00:10

@Figgygal

Wow...your a really supportive kind of gal aren’t you?

HollowTalk · 02/07/2019 00:22

I hope he comes home safely and you're able to talk it through with him, OP.

MitziK · 02/07/2019 00:32

With all these 'poor him' posts, I just think of how one of my old bosses' partner would have felt - he lied to her about it because he said she'd throw him out, so was intending to spend each day in the library.

What he didn't mention was that he resigned because the choice was resign or be fired for Gross Professional Misconduct due to reports of sexual harassment, incompetence and generally acting in a threatening manner to others smaller than him on the rare occasions he wasn't emailing in sick.

I expect the first time she realised something was up was when the mortgage wasn't paid. Must have been nice for her and their 4 year old to find out that way.

Last thing the grapevine said was that he had been unable to get a job anywhere in the UK following his 'reference' and he'd taken a post overseas where they were unable to check that he'd had another job since having to leave the previous two under a bit of a cloud.

[shrug]

Not everybody who loses/jacks in their job is a vulnerable little flower. Only the OP knows which her DH is.

Tingface · 02/07/2019 00:43

Bloody hell Mitzi. Let’s just wait and see first shall we?

CuriousMama · 02/07/2019 00:47

I hope you're both ok.

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