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Original poster

I think my husband has been sacked

162 replies

Dogsaresomucheasier · 01/07/2019 20:15

I know work has been going badly for him, but now a p45 has shown up. ( yes, I know I shouldn’t have opened it, but you know when you know something’s not right!) We have a mortgage and 3dc, what the hell do I do or say?
He’s not intentionally crap or lazy, but getting too old for what he does. He’s “at work” now. I’ve tried to call and been told he’s not there. I’m worried for his mental health and how the hell we’re going to cope. What paperwork should he have? How easy is it to get a job in say a shop if you’ve been sacked from something else?

OP posts:
Sarahandco · 01/07/2019 21:02
  • if you tell him you know
MummyToEthan · 01/07/2019 21:02

Good luck Thanks

chocolatesparkles · 01/07/2019 21:04

Obviously the lying is terrible but if he is suffering with his MH then trying to face his problems head in may have seen too much. Not excusing what he has done. But I would try and stay calm and ask him what's happened.

PotteryLady · 01/07/2019 21:04

Good luckThanks

EleanorReally · 01/07/2019 21:05

well you need to talk to him

DianaT1969 · 01/07/2019 21:05

Please ignore the poster who asked what you are going to do about the deceit. It disappoints me that someone should say that. Give the guy a break. He must be feeling lost and a failure. I can't imagine losing the job and work colleagues I've had for 20 years - 7 years is the longest I've been with a company, and that was hard. We are all quick to say that men should have more support their MH, as they tend to bottle things up. This is such a time.
On a practical note, I guess an audit of finances and cutting spending drastically is required until he finds something.
For his reason to new empoyers, he could just say he needed a change of direction. He will appear very loyal and solid on paper.
Good luck.

Sarahandco · 01/07/2019 21:05

how old is he?

Figgygal · 01/07/2019 21:05

Oh I'd be so cross where has he been going for 3 weeks and why not be honest??

ISmellBabies · 01/07/2019 21:06

I'd try to really express love and support for him before you gently break the news that you know and need to make a plan longer term. Sounds like he's been having a very difficult time and has maybe been scared of your reaction or of disappointing you.

ReanimatedSGB · 01/07/2019 21:06

Oh dear. hope you can get things sorted.

EleanorReally · 01/07/2019 21:06

what is your relationship normally like?

Oblomov19 · 01/07/2019 21:07

Sorry. I didn't mean it in a nasty way.
I meant how will OP cope if there has been?
I mean that hurts the relationship? Damages? The trust.

PoohBearsHole · 01/07/2019 21:08

Definitely P45 and not P60? Just want to double check!

Original poster
Dogsaresomucheasier · 01/07/2019 21:08

He’s late 50s and supposedly semi retired.

OP posts:
babysharkah · 01/07/2019 21:08

Are you sure it's not a P60?

TheInvestigator · 01/07/2019 21:09

Oh, how awful. This happens more than you’d think though; they hide it as long as they can and try to get another job in place. It isn’t always from a place of malice; he won’t want to face you or worry you or deal with the hard questions.

It’s not OK. It makes it harder and it destroys trust. But he isn’t the only man to do this. Be as calm as you can be, even though that will be very hard. It’s time to lay it all out, get all the info and come up with a plan. Approach it as being a team; you will want to rip him a new one, but that won’t help your situation.

EleanorReally · 01/07/2019 21:09

he will be ok op, he will be trying to find work, if he doesnt have work already.

Original poster
Dogsaresomucheasier · 01/07/2019 21:09

Def. P45

OP posts:
EleanorReally · 01/07/2019 21:09

perhaps he has a new contract op?

Newtknown · 01/07/2019 21:10

How awful!

I hope you can sort it all out with him. It really sounds like he's struggling with his mental health.

EleanorReally · 01/07/2019 21:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsMiggins37 · 01/07/2019 21:11

I’ve come across this happening a couple of times, OP. What a shock. Yeah you do get a p45 on a TUPE transfer but from what you’ve said that’s not the case.

I hope you get to the bottom of it soon and thrash out a plan to go forward x

Original poster
Dogsaresomucheasier · 01/07/2019 21:12

Our relationship is... ... often strained, for lots of reasons, but we’ve lasted this long because we’re pretty good in a crisis.

OP posts:
Puzzledandpissedoff · 01/07/2019 21:12

What process should his employer have followed? Should the union have been involved?

With an employee of 20 years plus they'll have done it by the book if they've any sense. While on a "support plan" I'd also expect any relevant medical issues to have been taken into account and for his union to be involved - possibly OT too - so it's doubtful if getting a GP's note now would be much use

The whole point, though, is that you simply don't know and won't until you talk to him. FWIW my money's also on him having been elsewhere during work hours, so I'm sending you both all the best for working this out

Muddlingalongalone · 01/07/2019 21:13

Hope he gets home soon & you get some clarity