DH smashed DS's phone

[thiscountryfan]

So yesterday I walked in to the mother of all rows between DH and DS (14).

DS was screaming and raging at DH for stamping on his phone and more than likely fatally damaging it. According to DH, he had discovered DS had been stealing his beers (not for the 1st time), then lied about it, then smirked in DH's face when busted. DH just lost his shit at that point and grabbed the phone (possibly the only item that DS cares about).

DH has since apologised to DS and accepts
It wasn't his finest hour but point blank refuses to pay for replacement/repair - saying he is sick of DS's selfish rude attitude of late and that he needs to learn a lesson.

I'm torn. I certainly don't agree with what DH did (and he knows it) but quite frankly DS has been so utterly horrendous and perhaps needs to
Understand that parents are human too.

My sister was always taking my things when we were younger, clothes, make up, toys etc. I used to say that she had stolen it and my parents would say that you cant steal from family!

“BertrandRussell had you told your child he could not have coffee..“

Not explicitly. But it is mine and he took it without asking. So, is that stealing?

Yes your son was stealing coffee.
He could not have gone into Starbucks made a coffee and walked out....
cestlavielife
The son also made a choice, but you refuse to acknowledge that part of why they were there in the room at that moment in time.

Not explicitly. But it is mine and he took it without asking. So, is that stealing?

Not stealing, but very bad manners.

I used to say that she had stolen it and my parents would say that you cant steal from family!

How shit

So it was 10 euros this time, but he clearly had no problem doing something that he knew that he shouldn't do. What's to say next time it won't be 50 euros or 100?

I stole 20 quid from my mum once. If I just got a "discussion" I'd be more likely to do it again because the punishment wasn't a deterrent.

“Not explicitly. But it is mine and he took it without asking. So, is that stealing?

Not stealing, but very bad manners.”

Blimey, really? So your children can’t make themselves a drink without asking? Seriously?

(For me bad manners would be making yourself a drink without offering to make for anyone else around)

Blimey, really? So your children can’t make themselves a drink without asking? Seriously? My child is 3. I'm thinking about my own childhood. I wouldn't have made a coffee from my mum's stuff without asking.

I think this thread very clearly highlights those who see the children as the enemy, or something to be constantly controlled. Any sign of rebellion must be punished harshly so they never ever step out of line ever again. Not an equal member of the family with their own boundaries - just ‘obey me or your stuff will get smashed and that’s tough shit for you.’

Mummmy, I thought you’d made your point and were off? Surely you’re not back with more victim-blaming bollocks?

I also find it really weird that there are parents who would be annoyed at their own child helping themselves to food and drink in their own home. That’s insane.

So it is just a case of the person who has the item removed from them who gets to decide what they call it...
In this case the dad saw it as stealing...
Most here don't.
That does not mean outside of the home it is not classed as stealing...

“I'm thinking about my own childhood. I wouldn't have made a coffee from my mum's stuff without asking.”

That’s utterly heartbreaking

My DD usually shouts I am making a drink does anyone want one ..
If I shout yes, she laughs and comes in saying you were meant to say no, I was just being polite.
At anyone elses home she always ask for a drink even water...just like I used to ask, but we were a large family and you couldn't just take something out if the larder, it would have been bought for a reason....snacks as we know them now were part of a tight budget.

"DS had been stealing his beers (not for the 1st time), then lied about it, then smirked in DH's face when busted"

Dad s response is to smash a phone
Not proportionate
Not a consequence to teach stealing beer is bad

Violence to objects says "next time it s you I smash up "

For me there is a huge difference between eating and drinking food that has been bought for general consumption (even then they should have manners and not eat a whole packet of biscuits eg leaving none for anyone else) and a special item that you know you've been told not to touch.

So, don't eat a child's Easter egg, don't eat the special chocolates that were bought as a gift, don't drink the special whisky that was a birthday present.

It's not difficult is it? Surely it's just respectful? Would it be ok for your dd to help herself to your expensive perfume or use your make up say? Where do you all draw the line?

My dc (11 & 7) always ask for food, it’s more of a polite, ‘can I have’ than actually expecting me to say no. The only time I do say no, is if we’re about to have tea or they want ice cream for breakfast...

But we are not talking about what happened, but why it happened.
In this one case, not the world in general..
This one time in that room, the dad did not stop a happy conversation and out of the blue do this....
So what about the 99% of what happened before that one second in which the phone left the dad's hand .

Well of course there’s a difference between actual personal property and household property.

And there’s a difference between good manners in someone else’s house and in your own.

This thread is wierd!

Well of course there’s a difference between actual personal property and household property.

So why are you conflating the 2 then by comparing the dad's beer (personal property) that his son knew not to touch and toast and coffee (household property) in your house?

This thread is weird...
Yes because some people are so obsessed by the domestic violence in real life.
The father does a single act, totally out of character, and he is going to beat his son up next.
And a son who took when told not to and acts out is airbrushed out of the picture .

Shit- just realised that ds is making himself a toasted sandwich with my cheese and my bread and my chutney. He got the toastie maker for Christmas so that’s his. But he is using my electricity. Will “logging it” do, or should I ring 999?

Would it be ok for your dd to help herself to your expensive perfume or use your make up say? Where do you all draw the line?

Would I mind if my daughter used my expensive perfume a couple of times? Probably not.

Would I mind if she used the entire bottle without asking? Definitely.

Would I smash up her phone as a way of teaching her a lesson about respecting other people’s stuff? Definitely not.

Again, and again, and again, the important thing in this thread isn’t whether or not you consider what the OP’s son did as stealing (I don’t, it seems you do, it’s irrelevant) - it’s whether or not the DH handled it appropriately. He didn’t. He was violent. He chose to be violent. That’s not ok.

dad's beer (personal property)

Why is it personal property? Can't the OP drink it?

If my DS was over 18 and took a couple of glasses of my favourite drink would I consider it stealing? Of course not.
Or a couple of my razors to shave? No.

At 14, I'd worry about him drinking alcohol, but would never enter my mind the concept of stealing.

Interesting to read the difference in replies on this thread about a husband eating his wife's chocolate

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3629660-To-think-you-dont-buy-someone-chocolate-for-their-birthday-then-try-to-eat-it

Of course she didn't react in the same way as the dad in this thread but all of the posters there think the husband is out of order for eating the chocolate.

What Pumper said. All of it.