DH smashed DS's phone

[thiscountryfan]

So yesterday I walked in to the mother of all rows between DH and DS (14).

DS was screaming and raging at DH for stamping on his phone and more than likely fatally damaging it. According to DH, he had discovered DS had been stealing his beers (not for the 1st time), then lied about it, then smirked in DH's face when busted. DH just lost his shit at that point and grabbed the phone (possibly the only item that DS cares about).

DH has since apologised to DS and accepts
It wasn't his finest hour but point blank refuses to pay for replacement/repair - saying he is sick of DS's selfish rude attitude of late and that he needs to learn a lesson.

I'm torn. I certainly don't agree with what DH did (and he knows it) but quite frankly DS has been so utterly horrendous and perhaps needs to
Understand that parents are human too.

The loss of property was the key factor. And loss of an alcoholic property, which makes me suspect the dad has his own issues with drink. The lying and the smirk just made it worse.

I really don't get that from the OP though. I don't think it's only about the loss of the property (though it is a factor). It's about the alcohol because otherwise the dad would be like this over the son eating the treats too. There's something specific about the beer and the OP says that the DH doesn't really drink it or its not his drink if choice so I don't think that the DH has a drink problem. I think the reaction is a combination of fear about the secret drinking, plus him taking things that he's been told not to, plus lying about it plus smirking when he's being told off. The OP mentions his behaviour of late and I think the dad has just reached his Whits end here.

We are all clearly seeing different nuances here and none of us can say for definite what happened because we weren't there. I just really don't think we can label someone abusive or an alcoholic based on a tiny snapshot of their life. If an outsider looked at one event in your life do you think they'd form an accurate opinion of what you are really like?

*The game of touching private parts is one often played by people grooming children for sexual abuse. You would be extremely unwise to keep up this sort of game because if some pervert targets your child and begins to work on her this way she will accept it since it's familiar.

I appreciate this but I also think you're making a bigger deal of it than needs be. There were plenty of games I played as a kid with my parent that would of been inappropriate for any other adult to do. blowing raspberries on the top inner part of my thighs for example, where I'm very ticklish, I don't think that means that because my parents did that with me that I thought it was ok for anyone to do to me.

Your goal in bringing up a boy should always be to emphasise that there are no grey areas at all, ever, when it comes to his physical strength and his size advantage, and his total and complete personal responsibility for how he uses it.

So well put and so true.

I would say the OP needs to adress her DH shitty attitude also
No agrument here. The whole thing was a shit-show.
Rather than growing into an adult who thinks it's ok to smash other people's things when you are angry?
He's not done that yet. So far he's only stealing and being disrespectful. If he starts displaying violent tendencies they obviously should address that too. They can cross that bridge when and if it happens.
What - like his dad?
Maybe. But with theiving on top of it.

She just said it's not his drink of choice. Not that he doesn't drink.

In fact, reading back all the OP's posts, she seems much more reasonable than any team DH pps. Although I don't think they will review their parenting in a meaningful way.

There really are two completely separate issues being conflated.

The boy shouldn’t have taken his dad’s beer. The boy should not have lied about it. The boy should not have been a dick to his dad when challenged. All of that should be addressed. That is issue 1.

An adult man should not lose his temper to the extent that he stamps on something and smashes it. It’s crap behaviour and it’s being a shocking role model to a boy in the process of learning how to be a man. That is issue 2.

BertrandRussell
You say there are two issues. Yes I agree and always have agreed that .
But my argument is issue 1 caused issue 2.
Because the sons action lead to the situation that his dad lost his temper for the first time .

You just don't get it, at all, do you mummmy? And you aren't prepared to have it explained to you either. So, on those grounds, I'm done. Please do feel free to add the last word following this, as that is clearly important to you.

If you read the OPs first post . And were answering questions on it you would not just hold one event on it's own.
Why did the husband break the phone?
What happened when the husband list his temper?
What was the sons role in the event?
Each thing happened because of another event. This is fact....
Maybe online you can separate each issue into it's own slot, but you can't do this in real life.
If your cross with me so what, the OP understands all the events are linked and is dealing with them as such...

How any grown adult (who claims to care about injustice) can say that a fourteen year old is responsible for his parent being violent towards him is just beyond me.

But I suspect it’s bullshit, like the story about making the barrister storm out. I don’t think you really think that, mummmy. I think you’ve just painted an image of yourself as the defender of shit fathers and god knows they need your help.

The fact that you seem incapable of passing a very simple English comprehension test question speaks volumes about you not me....
Question....why did the father lose his temper and break the phone..?
By the way because he had no self control would not score you any marks...
However because he was in an argument with his son and trod on it in a temper would score you full marks.

Mummmy, your last post highlights exactly why nobody believes your barrister story. Logic is not your strong point.

I'm beginning to wonder if you are just messing about @mummmy2017 because it's either that or you really do have a serious lack of understanding regarding adult/child relationships, parental responsibility, violence within a relationship and personal responsibility. So, which is it?

This is my post from 16:54pm yesterday. ^

I still haven't worked it out. What I do know is that if you are messing about you have done a great job because this has been ongoing for a good day. If you really don't understand, you never will and people are wasting their time.

I am now going to ask DH to tie my hands behind my back because you managed to goad me so much that sitting on them just wasn't enough.

You won't answer what caused the phone to be broken, because you would have to include the sons actions in the answer.
Meaning you would have to agree with me..
No my logic works...
And you can't accept that.

what caused the phone to be broken

The dad smashed it. How do you think the phone got broken?

“You won't answer what caused the phone to be broken, because you would have to include the sons actions in the answer.”
The son had nothing to do with the phone being broken. His behaviour made his father angry. It is entirely up to the father how he managed that anger. Entirely.

Strange then that you would fail that question on an English paper for failing to mention the argument going on at the time the phone was taken off the son....

Strange then that you would fail that question on an English paper for failing to mention the argument going on at the time the phone was taken off the son

Again, these posts are actually embarrassing to read - are you pretending to be an English teacher now too?

In less than five words, how did the phone go from intact and working to smashed and broken? Clue: the second word is ‘dad’

Why did the dad tread on the phone?

Because he lost his temper and responded violently.

Now can you answer my simple question? It’s only five words, with all your legal and teaching experience it should be a doddle for you.

In less than five words, how did the phone go from intact and working to smashed and broken? Clue: the second word is ‘dad’
Son, dad smashed and broken...

Dad smashed! You did it in two! You didn’t even need the other three!

I’m delighted you’ve come round mummmy, and see it as the dad’s fault. That’s a positive step towards your future relationships with people who live with violence, and how they are not to blame for the violence inflicted on them. Well done

And wow the son was involved....I agree.