Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

DH smashed DS's phone

999 replies

thiscountryfan · 30/06/2019 20:12

So yesterday I walked in to the mother of all rows between DH and DS (14).

DS was screaming and raging at DH for stamping on his phone and more than likely fatally damaging it. According to DH, he had discovered DS had been stealing his beers (not for the 1st time), then lied about it, then smirked in DH's face when busted. DH just lost his shit at that point and grabbed the phone (possibly the only item that DS cares about).

DH has since apologised to DS and accepts
It wasn't his finest hour but point blank refuses to pay for replacement/repair - saying he is sick of DS's selfish rude attitude of late and that he needs to learn a lesson.

I'm torn. I certainly don't agree with what DH did (and he knows it) but quite frankly DS has been so utterly horrendous and perhaps needs to
Understand that parents are human too.

OP posts:
sacope · 04/07/2019 11:12

The son had nothing to do with the phone being broken. His behaviour made his father angry. It is entirely up to the father how he managed that anger.

This ^

100% this.

Pumperthepumper · 04/07/2019 11:16

No you don’t because ‘son’ was at the start of your garbled sentence. ‘Son’ comma ‘dad smashed’ - you definitely see the dad’s actions as a separate thing and I’m so pleased for you that you’ve admitted it. You’re exactly right, dad smashed. He did. All by himself. Well done 👍

mummmy2017 · 04/07/2019 11:26

You lied. By samantics.
I believe somewhere in all the post you have said THE SON...I don't believe in writing those two words your blaming THE son

Why is it so important to absolve this boy of his part in the events. That is not good parenting on your part .

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

14 year olds Families
Pumperthepumper · 04/07/2019 11:34

You lied.
I believe somewhere in all the post you have said THE SON...I don't believe in writing those two words your blaming THE son

I don’t understand what you mean by this, sorry. You agree ‘dad smashed’, you wrote that. Not me, you. Dad smashed. He absolutely did. All by himself. Your words.

So regardless of how you argue now, it’s in black and white that you agree ‘dad smashed’, ‘dad’ alone ‘smashed’. Dad committed the action - and you said so yourself.

mummmy2017 · 04/07/2019 11:54

Can say that a fourteen year old is responsible...10.09
You wrote that not me.. .
Thank you agreeing the son had a hand in this ..xxxxx

sacope · 04/07/2019 11:58

Can say that a fourteen year old is responsible...10.09
You wrote that not me.. .
Thank you agreeing the son had a hand in this ..

How any grown adult (who claims to care about injustice) can say that a fourteen year old is responsible for his parent being violent towards him is just beyond me.

Erm. WTF. Surely you cannot be that stupid?

Pumperthepumper · 04/07/2019 11:59

I can’t find that post sorry, can you copy it for me?

Pumperthepumper · 04/07/2019 12:01

Ah Sacope, so quick! Embarrassing, isn’t it?

mummmy2017 · 04/07/2019 12:05

I know I am so embarrassed you can't find a post listed above this,I just added a capital letter and a full stop. The same as you did.

mummmy2017 · 04/07/2019 12:09

You need to remove a 14 years old boy from the reaction to his acts is amazing..
You can't even admit that had he not stolen or been arguing with his dad his phone would not now be broken.

Pumperthepumper · 04/07/2019 12:13

You could have got round it by using a logical sentence but you didn’t. You said ‘dad smashed’ - because you know he did it and he did it alone. You changed the meaning of my sentence by cutting out words. I lifted yours exactly as you wrote it. You wrote ‘dad smashed’, actually ‘dad smashed and broken’, you didn’t say anything at all about the son’s actions. Not one word, just that he was there.

And we all agree with you ‘dad smashed and broken’ - we’re all in agreement with you. Dad did it.

multivac · 04/07/2019 12:17

I know I said I'm done, but this is actually physically painful now, and anyway, I'm not talking to person with whom I'm done. So: Pumper you are not going to get through to mummmy, because she is not actually 'listening' to anything you are saying. She is having a massive punch-up with an invisible blancmange. I'd seriously leave her to it. The sane people get it Wink

mummmy2017 · 04/07/2019 12:20

Pumperthepumper so you finally admit the son was there in the room when it happened.....wow did it hurt ...

Pumperthepumper · 04/07/2019 12:26

He was in the room, of course! He was there when ‘dad smashed’ his phone.

Multivac I know, it’s not painful for me but the desperation really makes me cringe. I need to go out soon anyway and that’ll be me. It was nice when mummmmy admitted she was wrong though, I liked that bit.

multivac · 04/07/2019 12:28
Grin
Lweji · 04/07/2019 12:31

But my argument is issue 1 caused issue 2.

I've asked before. Did you ever tell your abused friends that they caused their abuser's behaviour?

Because that would have been their (abusers) argument.
"She looked at me funny"
"She didn't respect me"
"She spent too much money that I earn"

Do you think any of their behaviour caused their partners/relatives to harm them?
Or does that only apply when people physically harm others?

And don't you think that indirect actions (like destroying something as important as a phone for a modern day teenager) can be as bad or worse than a smack?

mummmy2017 · 04/07/2019 12:39

Stealing is something you do ..
This is not about domestic violence...
This is about a 14 year old knowingly doing something...

His dad has not laid a hand on him...
So are you saying the son did nothing wrong....is innocent... Deserves not action taken against him?

Lweji · 04/07/2019 12:42

I am disputing your argument that whatever the son did caused the dad's actions.

It didn't.
The dad chose to react how he did. He could have taken the phone away. He could have grounded the son. He could have stopped having alcohol in the house.
Different parents would have reacted differently.
But he chose to destroy something important to the son.

So, whatever the son did, certainly did require some action from the parents, but it did not cause his father to smash the phone.

Leatherflamingle · 04/07/2019 12:43

It is domestic violence @mummy2017.
Breaking people’s things intentionally is domestic violence, and is recognized by police, child protection agencies and women’s charities as such.

Lweji · 04/07/2019 12:45

Not to mention that it was the smirk that seems to have tipped the dad over the edge. Not respectful enough, according to dad.

That is the same type of argument that abusers use.
The dad in fact seems to have a better understanding of the issue than you, as he apologised.

mummmy2017 · 04/07/2019 12:45

Right up to the second before the dad dropped the phone, the son was guilty and in the wrong.

Lweji · 04/07/2019 12:46

His dad has not laid a hand on him...

You do need to learn more about domestic abuse or violence, if that's how you view it.

Lweji · 04/07/2019 12:48

Right up to the second before the dad dropped the phone, the son was guilty and in the wrong.

No. He is still guilty and in the wrong.

And the dad is guilty and in the wrong too for smashing his son's phone.

But you do have a point there, because people can lose their moral high ground for reacting disproportionately.

mummmy2017 · 04/07/2019 12:49

And that was my point...

Bye

Leatherflamingle · 04/07/2019 12:50

Wow well @mummy2017
What a point you made.
Confused

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.