11YO DD has told us she's pansexual

[GarnishWithALemonTwist]

Not massively concerned about it, whether she is or she isn't, but just wondering if there's a book I can give her about being yourself, growing up, feelings and emotions, etc. She's be 12 in 3 weeks time.

Sexuality is about sex, not 'gender' whatever that is. Clue's in the name.

I knew I was pansexual when I was 8 but I didn’t have the words for it. It differs from bisexuality because it includes transitioning / no gender people too.

Gender is just the wrapper. Attracted to a gender means just as much as ‘l love goths’ or ‘I like really girly girls’.

But those people are still male or female teddybear therefore you're bisexual like the rest of us.

I’m afraid it’s not different from bisexuality at all. There are two sexes. If you are indifferent as to sex when it comes to feeling attracted to people that’s boring old bi.
I understand the need for the younger generation to make themselves seem more interesting. On the whole they seem a bland bunch. But this is a tiresome and tedious way to do it, when it’s not actively damaging.
Step away from social media, engage brain, live.

It's not a 'wrapper' lord, it's an entirely subjective feeling apparently

@theangryllama I’m ‘boring old bi’. I’m not sexually attracted to women with a cock or men with tits. May I ask the correct term to identify myself?

Isn't it different from bisexual because a bisexual might be attracted to both men and women, but not trans men and trans women?

Dollywilde- ditto.

..women...don't have cocks.

Given you’ve called yourself no I’m not sure where your confusion lies dolly?

Yeah, that too (the bit about women not having cocks I mean)

@ravenshope quite. Regardless of whether you believe trans men and trans women exist, there’s a physical element. I think people saying ‘it’s about sex not gender’ are missing the point, sexuality - MY sexuality - is about what I want to get into bed with. It’s bi-sexuality not bi-sex-uality.

Just nod and agree for now, she’ll probably change her mind a few times. It was popular to be bisexual in my school for some reason, all of the ‘bisexual’ people are now very much straight.

@TheAngryLlama but say I’m online dating, how do I distinguish that I’m not interested in people who have a different gender to their sex? If the phrase pan sexual exists then I can do so. If pan sexuality doesn’t exist I’m in the same group as people who are interested in those people

@RuffleCrow - no they aren’t. Come on a quick google would have told you that.

At the risk of pointing out the blindingly obvious, bisexuality does not and never has implied attraction to all people of both sexes. What you are saying is that you do not find people who have altered themselves physically to fit with their internal idea of what “gender” they are attractive. I concur with that sentiment. I am still heterosexual. I gave not ceased to be because I have no wish for sexual involvement with trans men.

My DD is 12. She knows what these words mean.
I think many children of this age have an inkling of their sexuality but are still working out exactly what they feel. They may not be ready to have those relationships yet, but are beginning to think about it.

Re: the online dating, pansexual to your hearts content. It’s a useful signal to those who don’t believe in the gender fairy that you might not be their ideal match, I imagine.

Daughter 11 and I'm sorry but this seems to be a fad at the moment. I keep hearing....and she's pan sexual...and she's pan sexual!!

The technical terms for attraction to transwomen or transmen are gynemimetophilia and andromimetophilia respectively. Just for interest.

Attraction and sexuality are interesting concepts because most people are exclusive interested in just one kind of genitals, but it's obviously not that simple because you do usually need to have a physical attraction/ emotional connection on top of that. If I was talking to someone who I thought was a woman I wouldn't suddenly become attracted to them if I learnt they had a penis. Similarly if I was attracted to someone I thought was a man I wouldn't stop finding them attractive if I learnt they had a vulva, but I wouldn't sleep with them either because I only like penis. If you're happy to sleep with both men and women then, in the literal meaning of the word, you are bisexual, but I appreciate that doesn't tell the full story because there's also a need for expectation to = reality in terms of genitals. I don't think finding men who have transitioned to look like women unattractive is quite the same as finding short men, or bearded men etc unattractive. If you have a potential partner who looks like a woman but still has a penis then for a lot of people the dissonance would be too much to overcome. I've dated loads of people who weren't "my type" but who I became attracted to once I got to know them, but I don't think there's any amount of getting to know someone that would get me past the dissonance of "looks like a woman" + "penis". If there are people out there who don't need that congruence of "looks like they have a penis/ vulva" and "actually has a penis/ vulva" and feel like the label "pan" conveys that then I think that's fair enough.

Dear God, when did it all get so complicated? I have 3 DCs. DDs 1 and 2 are straight. DS (17) recently went to his school prom in a sequinned spangled jacket, diamanté bow tie and silver braces. One of my gay friends said politely “Does he have something to tell you?”
I don’t know. Maybe he just thought it was a cool look. I don’t care. but the difference is....he is 17!

All these little kids talking about being pan, or bi or asexual when they are only 11. WTF is going on?

She might be, she might not be. Keep an eye on what she's accessing, say 'that's nice dear' and if she sticks with it (which I highly doubt she will, I certainly didn't know about my sexuality at 12 and I'm not that much older than her) support her.

WTF is going on?
Yes, what is going on, when 11 year olds are encouraged by adults to think so much about their sexuality, and other adults are encouraged to cheer this process on?
Who benefits? The 11 year old? I don't think so.

Thanks @ByGrabtharsHammarWhatASaving - I think that’s a good distinction.