11YO DD has told us she's pansexual

[GarnishWithALemonTwist]

Not massively concerned about it, whether she is or she isn't, but just wondering if there's a book I can give her about being yourself, growing up, feelings and emotions, etc. She's be 12 in 3 weeks time.

Oh yes, AngryLlama!

Ok. There are men and women. A very, very, very, very small % of people are born hermaphrodite. In my book, a man who has his cock removed, takes hormones, has tits and wears high heels is still a man. Similarly, a women who has a beard, takes hormones and is the owner of a cock made of excess body fat is still a woman. Now I realize this is a shockingly outrageous opinion for the snowflake generation but tough shit.

My first proper sexual feelings were for Patrick Swayze in Dirty Dancing, and I was maybe 13/14. Don't think I had any much before that, certainly not at 11. Maybe it depends when your periods start? I was 13 There too.

I definitely had romantic feelings for Han Solo. I still do tbh. He's ruined me for other men.

Is it the same as non binary? I'm getting rather confused and anxious I may inadvertently offend someone
You will, poster, you will. It’s inevitable.

I can't believe what I am reading in this thread. People who had kissed the opposite sex/preferred sex by the time they were in year 6?? People knowing they are trans and bi when they're 9??? Has the world gone mad?

I'd make it very clear to her that at 11YO she won't know what or who she is exactly, that it really doesn't matter and as she grows older she can explore all her different feelings and you will always love her and respect her choices.

She is just a child and making statements about her sexuality is a bit silly and attention seeking really.

@carla1983 yes I am afraid so.

I knew I was bisexual at 11. I think some of the posters here are being very dismissive. Pan may be the new trendy word but it doesnt make the sentiment any different. Dont react differently than if your child came to you saying they were gay... dont down play or dismiss their feelings. Of course their sexuality may still change yet, it may be they are confused... that doesnt make it any less real right now. Tell them that it's fine and you are glad they feel able to share that with you, that you support them and that you are proud of them and love them whatever their sexuality.

Yes @carla1983 the world has gone mad. All the OP needs to say to her daughter is 'ok love, that's fine'. It's just attention seeking.

The thing is that if you are heterosexual you may not think about that until later because it's not something that feels 'different' or causes you concern. I knew I was bi at 11 because you have straight projected at you as the norm from every angle... in story books, on TV... you dont have to be a teenager to pick up on that... so if you are there forming intense crushes on your own sex it does lead you to think 'hang on what's going on here, this isnt what everyone else is feeling apparently!' It doesnt need to be overtly sexual in nature for you to realise. I'm pretty sure many gay and bi people will tell you the same. It's when you are around that age that you start to think about romance and so you do notice if what you are feeling is in some way different. I think kids who are straight may not have to think about it at all and dont notice, they dont need to think 'I'm straight' because its assumed.

I wonder what Nancy would have had to say about all this. I’m not sure it would have been the quite the same as NorthernNana with her broom, but I think the general gist would be similar.

@SkintAsASkintThing

Colander 😂

If you’d like to give her books that deal specifically with lgbtq+ issues, try More Happy than Not by Adam Silvera or Under the Lights by Dahlia Adler.

If you’re not sure you want to be so direct, but want themes of bravery, anti discrimination, love etc. I’d recommend Fear of Flying by Erica Jong, His Dark Materials trilogy by Philip Pullman or East of Eden (John Steinbeck)

When I was at an all girls school, a whole group of friends came out as lesbian. Last time I looked on Facebook, all were were married to totally boring men leading very conventional, suburban lives.

My dd is 15, I think her friends have been through every sexuality and gender conceivable.
They all seem to be talking about bf now. It's normal, they are discovering who they are.
In the end I just kept saying that's ok dear, whoever you are is fine by us, tell me again though, when you're 20.

How on earth would you know at age 11? I didn't know who I felt attracted to until around age 15. Maybe I was a late bloomer

I knew at the age of 5! But the concern is rather the predatory habits of older people.

And giving Fear of Flying to an 11 year old??? Fuck off, you must be trolling!

@thegoddessfrigg the final three suggestions are for OP not her DD. Apologies if that wasn’t clear.

11 is not that young to know who and what you like. That’s what, year 7?
By 14 most people will have had some sort of encounter such as kissing right up to sex.
Pansexual just means they don’t see ‘gender’ they could be with a man, woman, Transgender etc. The only person I knew who said she was was someone in a relationship with a male transgender.
Anyway it doesn’t matter. React in the same way as if she said she was a lesbian or heterosexual. ‘Oh that’s nice, is there anyone in particular that you fancy’ if you have an open relationship with her or ‘Oh I see, that’s nice.’ If you’re not.

She may change her mind in a few days/years, she may not. Just let her be her

You're angry that lesbians are being told to sleep with men but people come up with the term pan to say they're happy with trans people and that's to be scared of too?

Pansexual means you can reach into someones pants and not give a shit what is there.

Now I realize this is a shockingly outrageous opinion for the snowflake generation but tough shit.wink

The snowflakes are the people who get riled up by trans issues imo.

Pansexual just means they don’t see ‘gender’
No, you can't see gender. But you can see cocks and fannies.

Now, I appreciate that if you are not actually anything-sexual yet the whole idea of just fancying "the person" is viable. But actually, once you really do know what you like, cocks and fannies do matter.

P.s. ALL 11 year old girls have crushes on other girls or women don't they??

A Joe Lycett fan ?

Ok. There are men and women. A very, very, very, very small % of people are born hermaphrodite. In my book, a man who has his cock removed, takes hormones, has tits and wears high heels is still a man. Similarly, a women who has a beard, takes hormones and is the owner of a cock made of excess body fat is still a woman.

@SherlockHolmesPipe even if I agree with that, as a bisexual person I wouldn’t be attracted to that man/woman. The existence of pansexuality allows me to indicate that.

I am straight, but I didn't figure it out until I was 15. I had crushes on girls all through secondary schools, more so than I did on boys. I didn't even like boys until I was about 15.

I turned out to be boring old straight and not bi or lesbian (tried something sexual with a woman and it left me cold).

My point is, puberty is a confusing time. I don't mean to be dismissive, I just am not sure that we should put much credence in the coming out announcements of an 11 year old. She's not even in puberty yet!!!! If she still feels she's bisexual when she's older then great. But 11 years old is very young. Personally I'd say, "ok great. You're very young to know this and you haven't been through puberty yet, so best not to label yourself with so much certainty yet, but if you turn out to be bi, then awesome"