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Original poster

Have moved from London and am crushed: how did you get over it?

196 replies

LadyFatboobs · 13/06/2019 13:55

Hello there

Am having a vast pity party but today is week 6 in our new city and I’ve never missed London more.

We had to move back to my home city as fundamentally we didn’t want to move away from London to a small town in the Home Counties and could afford much more space and a garden up here for myself, DH and the 3 children.

I’m just absolutely desperately thinking WTF HAVE I DONE and now putting loads of lottery tickets on just to be able to afford to run back to London and buy a three bed as I don’t know that many folk here and I forgot how absolutely fucking mega depressing it can be (especially when it rains).

Have any of you felt such intense massive regret about moving and how did you manage to get over it?

OP posts:
Disfordarkchocolate · 13/06/2019 13:59

I've been in my new town for nearly 7 years and it's still not home, however, the move was something we needed to do and its been a great move for my son. I focus on that part; a good school, a house in a nice area, good facilities. I still wish we had moved to Yorkshire instead but it I can't focus on that so I just get on with it.

Singlenotsingle · 13/06/2019 14:02

I think you've made your decision and you're just going to have to live with it. I'm sure your city is fine. Which one is it? I bet there's less pollution, less traffic, fewer stabbings and gang warfare. And you can always visit, can't you?

joystir59 · 13/06/2019 14:03

We moved to a seaside town in NE from London and absolutely love it. I do miss the energy and cash richness of London, but only to dip into on visits to friends and family, then love coming home to our sea view, the space and peace and the beautiful countryside.

Singingcricket · 13/06/2019 14:11

Personally, great though it is, I don't think moving out of London per se is as much of a problem as moving back! My golden rule is never go back to anywhere; always move forward to somewhere else. Speaking as an expat, "back" is never the same, never as good, and you aren't the same, imho!

Original poster
LadyFatboobs · 13/06/2019 14:15

I bet there's less pollution, less traffic, fewer stabbings and gang warfare

You’re dead right there.

Problem is we were in a very genteel part of London (Kingston) and I really did learn to love it there - even though I disliked it on arrival.

The reason I’m worried I won’t be able to turn it round here is that this is my home city and I feel like I didn’t examine the reasons why I left properly and now I’m back it feels all so wrong and that whilst schools are better, commute will be better and green space more plentiful, I miss heaps of silly things about my old life - even the walk to and from the nursery with the children and waving at the trains that went over the railway bridge we could see from our house.

I even miss the Turkish supermarket. Jesus.?

OP posts:
Villanellesproudmum · 13/06/2019 14:15

You don’t, well I haven’t 14 years later Sad worst decision I made.

Original poster
LadyFatboobs · 13/06/2019 14:19

Oh god @Vilanellesproudmum

I can only hope that somehow, someway, I don’t know how that if it did become apparent we’d made the “wrong” decision we could go back, but we’d have to move from a house to a hutch at this rate

OP posts:
Mumof3cherubs · 13/06/2019 14:20

I miss the John Lewis in Kingston 🙁

ChicCroissant · 13/06/2019 14:21

I really did learn to love it there - even though I disliked it on arrival.

Ah OP, I do have sympathy for you but it does sound as if the grass is always greener somewhere else for you!

We relocated years ago and I'm still not entirely sure! No choice though, we are probably stuck here now (work reasons).

Original poster
LadyFatboobs · 13/06/2019 14:24

I swear I need psychological evaluation @ChicCroissant

I think the reason I’m feeling the real and present fear the acclimatisation won’t happen this time is because this is my home city and I forgot several things that have hit me big time in the past few weeks and I’m honestly wishing I could step in a time machine.

At least if I’d moved to fucking Woking I’d have had

a) a clean slate and
b) an outstanding TK Maxx

OP posts:
OhCheesus · 13/06/2019 14:24

This is the choice isn't it? A bigger house or the best city on the planet. Youve chosen the former!

cestlavielife · 13/06/2019 14:26

But you wanted "more space and a garden"...that was the most important to you. And you got it.
So.focus on that.

And you can move back to a small flat in London when dc grown up...

bookmum08 · 13/06/2019 14:31

You haven't been there long but in that time have you joined in with local events, gone to local places etc. Have you found out everything that is happening and what's going on? Write a list of typical things you used to do in London. Then go online and see if you can essentially do the same things - I bet you probably can. Join local Facebook groups. Get chatting to people on there - ask if there is a good place to buy Turkish food (as you said you miss that) and you will probably get loads of replies. Much of what can be found in the London burbs can be found everywhere - swimming pools, Brownie groups, Parkrun, farmers markets, libraries, branches of Poundland, play areas, local festivals, cafes, lost cat posters, social groups, places of worship.... These types of things are pretty much everywhere in some form or another.

OhCheesus · 13/06/2019 14:33

It's nice to have a garden but London has bloody loads of parks, and from Kingston you're right between two massive ones. And a mere 30-40 mins from Surrey etc to get even more outdoors action in. Is it not the same? (I don't have DC so maybe I don't get it, but I do also think London is great for kids!) Move back! Grin

martinidry · 13/06/2019 14:34

You don't get over it and you don't accept it. You just have to keep reminding yourself of the benefits to being where you now are.

woodcutbirds · 13/06/2019 14:38

OP it took you a while to love Kingston (which is very loveable, I agree, except the bloody one way system!) It'll take you a while to settle back in your new home town too.
Can you set yourself some goals? I had a friend who had to move every three to five years with her DH's job. She used to give herself a year to make three good friends and find a job she liked. And she made herself slot straight into her usual hobbies - going to the gym or joining a book club or whatever. Would these help?

Hemlock2013 · 13/06/2019 14:38

I felt exactly the same. We moved to a village so wildly different.

It took a couple of years but I wouldn’t move anywhere now. I’m part of a community, have loads of friends etc.

It just takes settling in is all. We went back to our part of London recently after 4 years of avoiding because I ached to be back there so bad. But you know what? I had a nice time, we reminisced and we went home really happy x

Barbarafromblackpool · 13/06/2019 14:38

Is it London you miss, or your little area of it?

Could you move again to a completely different place?

runoutofnamechanges · 13/06/2019 14:41

By moving back to London... Grin

Another move is probably the last thing you want but if you are really unhappy, maybe there is another city that might suit you better?

AnnaNimmity · 13/06/2019 14:44

I did the same and moved back 5 years later! I knew pretty much straight away that it was the wrong move for me. We also moved out for more space, bigger house and garden etc, but in the end those just aren't important to me. Or at least not as much as the city. And I live in zone 2 - like you, I didn't want to be in a suburb or commuter town.

However, I would say, I think 6 weeks is probably too soon to tell. Itll take you time just to get used to where you are, make some friends, etc and then you will be in a better position to tell.

QueenBeee · 13/06/2019 14:45

What age are DCs?
I think you make lots of friends when your DCs are small/babies. Once they are older it's not so easy but were the schools in Kinston ok because I know people who have moved from London flats for better schools, bigger houses in the Home counties. You wouldn't swap a Turkish supermarket for better secondary education.

LaPufalina · 13/06/2019 14:56

It's easing for me now after four years and two kids; I'm visiting less though, as soon as I step off the train at Euston and smell the tube I have physical pangs! Sad

Napqueen1234 · 13/06/2019 14:59

OP I completely understand how you feel. However time makes such a different and I’m sure in the end it will be the right decision. We moved from London to Manchester and although there was a settling in period I’m so glad. London is a bubble and having a proper house, garden, space etc makes such a difference I think with DC. You’ll look back with rose tinted glasses but think of the reasons you chose to leave!

dottiedodah · 13/06/2019 15:00

Why dont you move back?.You have to realise life is a set of compromises ,Bigger /house garden in home town up north, against poky 2 bed near London?!Why not chat to your hubby ,and see what he thinks?.Perhaps you could rent your house out and rent on London for say 6 months ?.Then you could see what you think is best for you long run .Sometimes people get hung up on bigger house /garden etc which are nice, but mostly families like days out /parks /museums /shops and so on to visit not stay home all the time TBH

Singingcricket · 13/06/2019 15:03

I agree. Hang on to the fact that you have got your DC in to better schools - that will always be a good thing - and a shorter commute can't harm either! Can you take up a hobby or interest just for you in the time that got eaten up by the commute previously?

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