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Original poster

Have moved from London and am crushed: how did you get over it?

196 replies

LadyFatboobs · 13/06/2019 13:55

Hello there

Am having a vast pity party but today is week 6 in our new city and I’ve never missed London more.

We had to move back to my home city as fundamentally we didn’t want to move away from London to a small town in the Home Counties and could afford much more space and a garden up here for myself, DH and the 3 children.

I’m just absolutely desperately thinking WTF HAVE I DONE and now putting loads of lottery tickets on just to be able to afford to run back to London and buy a three bed as I don’t know that many folk here and I forgot how absolutely fucking mega depressing it can be (especially when it rains).

Have any of you felt such intense massive regret about moving and how did you manage to get over it?

OP posts:
Jaxhog · 15/06/2019 12:39

Make 2 lists (get your Dh and DCs to help)

List 1 - all the benefits of where you are now
List 2 - all the things you hated about being in London

Look at them often.

dingdang · 15/06/2019 13:03

This thread is really interesting as I'm considering a move back to Aberdeen (also my home town) from London in the next few years but am worried about exactly the stuff you have mentioned. There are brilliant things about the city but oh my it's so different from London, and the winters are really tough. I loved the beach and getting out into the countryside when I lived there, but have a worry that after being away for 20 years I'd struggle with the changes... it sounds like you might need to give yourself more time to give it a good go and start to get involved in the local community. I find that Aberdonians can be a bit hard to really get to know initially but when you are in, you are in for life! I still have some excellent friends living in the city and I'm sure you will find your feet soon

user87382294757 · 15/06/2019 13:31

I was born in Aberdeen and was a small child in area near Balmoral / Ballater so not too far away. Weather is pretty cold is it not? Must be a change from London. We used to get snowed in a lot in the winter and the roads were closed so it was hard to visit family. Sorry not particularly helpful. Might be better nearer the coast. I guess you have jobs there? My brother does too but cos of the oil situation etc his workplace seems to be moving and he's spending more time abroad. I am in the south now (of England) and really find the weather much better. We used to go to school and back in the dark, up there.

user87382294757 · 15/06/2019 13:32

Hey you're DC will get free university though! Even if you moved elsewhere in Scotland (could be an idea?)

user87382294757 · 15/06/2019 13:33

Sorry 'your' oops!

coco123456789 · 15/06/2019 14:01

I think the passport thing is a big deal to some. If your kids are born and bred in London it would be nice for their passport to say so. It’s the best city in the world after all! I’m sure people who are tied to their own city probably feel the same.

JacquesHammer · 15/06/2019 14:10

I just also know I’ll be one of the folk on this thread who’ve never got over leaving

You need to stop telling yourself that. You’re making it a fait accompli without giving it a chance.

GoneFishingNC · 15/06/2019 14:26

If i were going to leave London for Scotland, it would be Glasgow all the way...!

user87382294757 · 15/06/2019 14:37

Yes i think if i moved back to Scotland I would not choose somewhere so remote and would also not be keen on place where used to live. I'd maybe have chosen somewhere more central so could visit relatives and old friends, and have the benefits still of lower prices and the university fees etc. Maybe Stirling area...maybe near to Glasgow or Edinburgh. That way could also get to London easily...although I guess you can from Aberdeen (do Easyjet fly there) I guess it depends on your work though. There's no way we could work from Aberdeen as self employed and would be too far to travel...

speakout · 15/06/2019 17:00

GoneFishingNC
If i were going to leave London for Scotland, it would be Glasgow all the way...!

Why is that?

GoneFishingNC · 15/06/2019 17:39

Glasgow is an incredibly vibrant, hugely cultural city with a lot of the centre of Scotland’s arts world and media etc going on there. It has amazing restaurants, shopping etc.

You get the real London-style buzz of the city and you have the fashionable west end, lots of “naice” suburbs, but also interesting areas to live in with families. And you can probably get more for your money in terms of house prices than you can in traditionally very pricey Aberdeen.

The weather is still mostly rain 10 months of the year (and bloody cold and dark in winter), as in a lot of Scotland, but you have access to some truly beautiful countryside surrounding.

Edinburgh obvs is lovely, but much more old-fashioned by comparison and not as diverse in terms of what’s on offer there.

speakout · 15/06/2019 18:27

Edinburgh obvs is lovely, but much more old-fashioned by comparison and not as diverse in terms of what’s on offer there.

You are so funny.

Examples please.

FiddleFaddleDingDong · 15/06/2019 18:30

Edinburgh obvs is lovely, but much more old-fashioned by comparison and not as diverse in terms of what’s on offer there.

I agree with this.

OverTheWeather · 15/06/2019 19:35

Aberdeen? Shock

SoyDora · 15/06/2019 21:18

If your kids are born and bred in London it would be nice for their passport to say so

But why? What does it matter? The only people to see your passport are passport control, and they don’t give a shit where you were born.

speakout · 16/06/2019 06:47

What is meant by "old fashioned"?
Certainly steeped in tradition, stunning architecture, boih the "old town" ( medieval) and the "New town ( Georgian) and two separate Unesco World heritage sites, so perhaps that could be classed as "old fashioned" Edinburgh Castle perched on a high rocky crag dominates the Edinbuergh skyline and foundations of the royal castle date back to the 11th Century. So perhaps that could be considered "old fashioned"
Sitting at lower end of the of the street known as the Royal mile is the Queen's offical Scottish residence, built in the 17th Century, so perhaps a little old fashioned by some standards, it overlooks an extinct volcano which was active 300 million years ago- so I do accept that may be a little old fashioned.
Edinburgh hosts the world's biggest ingternational arts festival every August, every hall, public space, street corner sees over 4000 separate performances of drama, comedy, dance, music.
Edinburgh attracts four million visitors a year, the population of the city doubles during the summer months.

Perhaps the "old fashioned" is an appeal? Granted they don't have the benefits of a modern motorway running straight through the city centre, but somehow the residents survive.

clucky3 · 16/06/2019 07:15

I know lots of friends babies born in Kingston hospital and it is frustrating for them that their passports say they aren’t born in London, even though they live in London, as Kingston hospital close but isn’t in London.

This is utterly ludicrous

floraloctopus · 16/06/2019 07:32

London is only a city, you don't need to be there. Get involved in your local community and get on with it, looking back won't help.

MoobaaMoobaa · 16/06/2019 07:46

having moved with toddlers then later with late primary DC.

I know what you are feeling.

But I think your feelings are magnified by the fact you also have a new born and C section. I found the first 3 months after birth a very unsettling and emotional time, without a relocation thrown in the mix.

I know where I actually want to go back to living. But it's not possible. We have moved twice and I still feel that is the place to be.

I missed the place when we moved from it so much, and couldn't stop comparing it and looked at all the downsides of our new place. after awhile I just got on with it and made the best of it. When we moved again I realised all things I liked and missed about the place I apparently couldn't stand Grin

I went through all the same stuff again, but now looking back on the 2 places I'd left behind. At this point I realised it just wasn't healthy to keep looking back it.

I like where we are now, it has it's pro's (lots of them) I get on and focus on them. Life is much brighter this way. Not to say I still don't have the odd day of looking back longingly.

MintyCedric · 16/06/2019 07:49

As soon as I step off the train at Euston and smell the tube I have physical pangs!

I'm like this coming into Victoria when I see Battersea Power Station (notwithstanding the current travesty of what they're doing to it).

...and my parents left London for the same reason as you OP, when I was 3 years old, so I barely remember living there, but every time I visit a tiny bit of me curses them for leaving.

DD is just starting her GCSEs and is already eyeing up London unis. I'm hoping that by the time she goes I might be in a position to just sell up and move back with her.

How far are you from London now?

Tortoiselass · 16/06/2019 07:59

As soon as I step off the train at Euston and smell the tube I have physical pangs!

Ah yes, that delicious BO and fried chicken smell.

BurnedToast · 16/06/2019 08:33

Grin at people being frustrated that they're babies passports say Kingston, and not London.

I had one child at Kingston, and one at St Thomas's so the passports say Kingston and London respectively. It makes bugger all difference.

I live in London (close to Kingston, but a little further in to London). Its nice enough but the things that drive me crazy are all the people everywhere, on a hot day every inch of the local common and the pub gardens are rammed, everything is so expensive, the pollution, the traffic. It can take me 25 minutes to drive through my high street Hmm, the cosy of houses, the cost of parking.

I like Kingston Town centre, yes it has a nice market (I don't agree the frost fair gives the South Bank a run for its money though), the river and the antique shops on the road behind the phone boxes. But, it also has a serious drug problem, its pretty rough in the evenings and I can think of other market towns with similar facilities, and no doubt similar problems.

I think you need to make a list of what you like (without the Rose tinted glasses) and what you don't and then consider another move.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 16/06/2019 08:42

I had a big grin at all the frustrated Kingston babies too. Two of mine were born at Kingston and one in London, don’t think any of them have noticed the difference and I definitely don’t seem to have two frustrated Kingstonians on my hands Grin

Swoopinggulls · 16/06/2019 09:00

OverTheWeather

Is snide the best you can do?

noodlenosefraggle · 16/06/2019 09:16

I was born in South London before it was gentrified and my DS I has London on his birth Certificate and passport. DC 2 doesn't. Some of the people on this thread are embarrassing to other Londoners! How pathetic to be worrying about what your kids passports say! Do you think the immigration officers think you are a cut above? They couldn't give a stuff! As a PP said, parochial snobbish nonsense.

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