Have moved from London and am crushed: how did you get over it?

[LadyFatboobs]

Hello there

Am having a vast pity party but today is week 6 in our new city and I’ve never missed London more.

We had to move back to my home city as fundamentally we didn’t want to move away from London to a small town in the Home Counties and could afford much more space and a garden up here for myself, DH and the 3 children.

I’m just absolutely desperately thinking WTF HAVE I DONE and now putting loads of lottery tickets on just to be able to afford to run back to London and buy a three bed as I don’t know that many folk here and I forgot how absolutely fucking mega depressing it can be (especially when it rains).

Have any of you felt such intense massive regret about moving and how did you manage to get over it?

THIS is why I am renting my house in London out when I move to the countryside!

I guess it will take a while to settle in a new place op?

Can you move somewhere else? Or back? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Two friends have left London in the past two years. One for Hampshire, the other Australia. One returned after eighteen months and the other after six months. Both have families and thought that if they didn't make the reverse move that they'd regret it and then wouldn't be able to afford to make the move.

Kingston isn't London.

Do you think what you're missing is London itself, or the idea of London?

Trains and Turkish supermarkets are things you find in any city in the UK, and a lot of towns, so it's interesting to me you mention those but then you say the real problem is moving to your home city.

I can totally relate to that! I would never move 'home'. I know people who would, but for me, purely emotionally, it wouldn't work. I think there is tendency for people to say that if you move, you should move to somewhere you already have roots. Actually, it can be the worst thing.

I have never lived in London and would never live there, so take my advice with a massive 'she's a country bumpkin' pinch of salt. But, most of my extended family and both of my brothers are in London, and I read your posts thinking how familiar what you were saying seemed, having listened to them. DP and I also moved away from where we used to live because, for us, it was too expensive and hothouse-y (we were in Cambridge, which isn't London prices but is something like 2nd/3rd most expensive after London, and the education system is likewise quite nasty). We thought about moving to my home town, or her home town, or other places we knew. We decided instead to take the plunge and move to an area we'd both loved from going on holidays, but didn't really know. We had some very small connections to the area.

We've been here just over a year and it is home. It's amazing. I still walk out of my house and feel so grateful and glad I live somewhere I love so much. Because it wasn't a familiar place, we had to work to get to know people, but that effort paid off, and it's been absolutely amazing to have the experience of being welcomed into an entirely new community.

I would say that, if you possibly can, consider moving away from your 'home city'. It sounds as if it is holding you back and stopping you from building a new life.

It'll mainly be the six week itch OP. All the unpacking is done, schools settled in, uniforms bought, doctors registered, wifi connected, addresses changed. Now is the time you sit back and think "oh fuck". It's a timeline of adjustments and emotions. Try to ride it and trust you'll feel better next week. Once you get busy again you'll move on. Try not to cement your thinking this way.

It’s a Royal Borough of London so 🤷🏼‍♀️
Cities change and grow, just because over 50 years ago it was considered Surrey, it doesn’t mean it’s not London How far do you want to go back to decide what is London?

Thank guys, whether Kingston or London is moot; I could be speaking about having moved from Bury and missing Manchester: the principle remains that I feel like I’ve stepped on a rake.

On paper where we are now makes total sense; the demographic of where we are is similar to Kingston, we can live 20 mins from town on foot and have a bigger place, and where we are is quite “naice” compared to some other Scottish cities.

I should also mention that I’ve [drip feed] also just had a baby and I need to use her as the “in” for meeting other mums. I’m just so fed up with stating again; they should do speed dating for mums with kids the same age rather than having to go to the same group for six monotonous weeks and then realise you have nothing in common with the other women there except you’ve had a baby.

Ach, I’m just moaning now. The game changer for me in Kingston was Buggy Fit and I’m just worried lightning won’t strike twice and I’m doomed to lonlieness forever

not in your position yet OP but will be next month - moving halfway across the world eeek and I'm already feeling homesick for london
Specifically the parks, green spaces, historical places, even the London Underground :)
Moving is best in the long run and everyone has thoughts of going back once they've left...it takes a while to settle

We moved to the Midlands to be near DH family when I was pregnant with DS2. We lasted 6 months before moving back to London when DS2 was a newborn, DH easily could have stayed but I was not happy at all, and struggled to find a job. Thankfully we didn't sell up.

We are living Australia atm, renting our house out in London. I know when we moved back to the UK it wont be to London because DH wants to leave London. And DH doesnt want to live in Australia forever.

I love Australia so I am in denial, it won't hit me until we leave Australia and sell our house in London on our return, it will be a double whammy. On the bright side where are in Aus we have a nice back yard, far more relaxed and the kids definitely seem happier. So I know there are bonuses for not being stuck in the city.

I left London 22 years ago and still miss it . It’s like a drug - I still live just about close enough to get in about once a month for my “fix”.

It does get easier and once you’ve made new friends it will start to feel more like home again, but it takes time .

Kingston is the sticks, it's not London

I grew up in central London. Left when I could. I went back for a short stint, enjoyed it and all that but I don't get the hype. Other places are just as great. It takes 6 months to adjust to a new place.

Six weeks is probably peak regret territory. In your situation, I'd probably give myself 12 months to try and make myself love it - join groups, make friends, find all the good things about the area. If I was still unhappy then, then I'd move.

I spent a fair few of my growing up years in Greater London, was so pleased to leave for uni and never wanted to return, dirty place full of crime and stabbings at the moment, some parts are nice but far too expensive - I'd rather my kids had space, countryside and safety - 24 years later I'm so glad for where I live now

I think your regrets are plainly exacerbated by going back to your home town. Double bubble.

When DH and I moved to Melbourne from London, we knew it would be one-way effectively for various reasons, which helped put regrets into perspective.

However.

You've not been where you are very long. Try to avoid pointless comparisons. Look for what's happening where you are.

When you said London I couldn’t sympathise, we lived in sw12 for 8 years and I loved it, but couldn’t wait to move it.

Now you’ve said it’s actually Kingston, that’s a totally different matter. Not London at all. And yanbu to miss it. Not unreasonable in the very slightest. Kingston is a fantastic place to live, there’s nowhere quite like it imo. I lived there for just under 20 years. Pop back from time to time to get my fix now.

Anyway....it’s early days, and I’m sure in time you’ll enjoy where you are now.

Kingston is a fantastic place to live, there’s nowhere quite like it imo

I’m dead and I’ve not even had my Shreddies yet.

To me Kingston is London in the respect that it’s a town in its own right that London has spread and stuck itself onto thus sucking it into Zone 6, having red buses, it being an actual London Borough that votes for the Mayor etc etc.

But I digress. What is killing me is that on paper - and in reality to some extent - where we are now is demographically, culturally and even architecturally very similar to Kingston. Even the John Lewis’ are similar!

It’s just that it’s 600 miles from Kingston. And if I’m being totally honey I forgot how very boring it could be especially when the perennially vicious weather and the endless winters hit.

Honestly, I considered those before we moved and thought I could handle it. A bit of shit weather in June when it doesn’t get dark and I’m already reaching for a light box.

I take it you're in Scotland, OP? Not much help but ironically I am the opposite of you. Used to live in Kingston and hated it (moved to Twickenham after, which was slightly better). I quit my job to move up to Edinburgh and loved it, never regretted it for an instant. (Although I take your point about the crappy weather and I now live overseas!)

Maybe you moved to the wrong city? Edinburgh has far more going on in food/ culture scene and is much much more beautiful than Kingston, surely?

Edinburgh?

I also guess you’re in Edinburgh. The key is getting out and finding friends / Buggy Fit I reckon. A friend of a friend used to do it in Glasgow (may still do) so I know it is or at least was a thing.

A bit north of Edinburgh... Aberdeen.

We investigated moving to

• Milton Keynes (new, spacious, excellent for families) and it was me that vetoed on the basis it’s not got a fixed town centre pre we but it’s lots of small villages. I’d have been super bored.

• Woking. Eliminated as DH lived there with exW. I really like Woking. Inordinately so.

• Croydon. We came close...however it seems to have some seriously endemic issues that I think would take a generation to fix and no amount of civil service jobs being based out of there in the near future would make me want to put my kids in the (literal) firing line. On the surface it honestly was an excellent option... but below the surface it’s reputation exists for a reason.

• Tolworth/Chessington/Worcester Park too suburban and boring. Too far from town (Kingston in this case).

So we moved hundreds of miles instead

London is fantastic, but other places have advantages too. I lived there for ten years, including working in Kingston for years, but when I had a baby it was time to leave. We moved to Cork, and loved having a house with garden etc, being able to go to the beach easily, the pubs etc, there was a lot to love! Eventually the rain and recession got to us and we emigrated to Australia! It has been 16 years since we left London now, it seems like another life! I feel enormously lucky to have lived in such great places, but I'm so glad I don't live there now! You have to concentrate on the positives, and make some friends. Also it takes two years to settle anywhere.Never look back, its never the same!

OP it is early days.

You need to put down some new roos and take time to grow those.

Many people in all parts of the UK find happiness, London does have some special aspects to it, but many places have their living benefits for diffetent reasons. I live very far from London and have no FOMO.

Find friends, pick up an existing hobby or find a new scene, get to know your local area, neightbours, other parents, seek out interesting places and explore. I am sure your children would be happy to join you on new adventures.

This is about more than London, it's about losing familiarity, security, a sense of place, set patterns, friendships, habits, but in time new patterns can be set up and your new place will start to feel like home.
It takes time, go easy on youself, but make a little effort too.

Kingston isn’t London.

Buggyfit in Aberdeen.

mummymimi.co.uk/aberdeen/things-to-do-in-aberdeen-city-aberdeenshire/classes-activities-aberdeen-aberdeenshire/classes-buggyfit-aberdeenshire-central/

Aberdeen is not a great place imo, I can understand now why you are so upset.