Have moved from London and am crushed: how did you get over it?

[LadyFatboobs]

Hello there

Am having a vast pity party but today is week 6 in our new city and I’ve never missed London more.

We had to move back to my home city as fundamentally we didn’t want to move away from London to a small town in the Home Counties and could afford much more space and a garden up here for myself, DH and the 3 children.

I’m just absolutely desperately thinking WTF HAVE I DONE and now putting loads of lottery tickets on just to be able to afford to run back to London and buy a three bed as I don’t know that many folk here and I forgot how absolutely fucking mega depressing it can be (especially when it rains).

Have any of you felt such intense massive regret about moving and how did you manage to get over it?

Come to Glasgow, it's magic

OP Now that you have come out and declared where you are actually living, I'm wondering if it's the weather that is contributing to your mood. I had a friend who moved to Edinburgh from the south east, and whilst Edinburgh is undoubtedly a lovely city, what ultimately drew her back down south was the oh so brief summers of Scotland, she took to talking about the balmy south and confessed the 10 degree difference that often occurs between north and south left her depressed.

I'm within a 15 minute walking distance of Kingston, yes it's a great town, especially since the riverside has been developed. I don't think of it as London though, I suppose London has edged further and further out and swallowed up some of the towns on its periphery. We are thinking of moving out 30 or so miles further out, not so far, that we couldn't visit from time to time. Children have grown up and flown the nest so no worries about schools. Whilst I love where we live, depending on when you go into Kingston, I try to avoid Saturdays, it does have a heaving feel about it. Nevertheless commiserations OP I have read your post with interest, Kingston has been part of my life since I was 13 when I and friends would jump on a bus from our (boring) Surrey town to spend our Saturdays and school holidays in what we considered a very exciting place, second only to "actual" London. Lots of changes since then and more to come, it's getting bigger by the year.

I wish you well in eventually feeling settled in your home city of Aberdeen.

Aberdeen! But why?

Kingston may geographically be called a London Borough, but all the things that people say they miss about London are not in Kingston, they are a train ride from London, as are a thousand other places! It's culturally more like Surrey. I was born in SE London and living in Kingston for a year was like living in the countryside in comparison! All the places you said you wanted to move to near London are either not London or rubbishy London boroughs. My parents and dbro moved to Croydon and I moved away from London. My kids can't believe the litter or the volume of people! I love visiting London but I live not living there. I've only been to Edinburgh for a week, but I'd say it's a million times more vibrant than Croydon, Woking or Milton Keynes, so I'd say move there

Tell me more about Woking TKMaxx?

Tbh I do notice a certain cosmopolitan parochiality in some London-dwellers which manifests itself in the idea that nowhere else could possibly be as cultured. It's good to experince other places, other communities, other vibes.Tbh I do notice a certain cosmopolitan parochiality in some London-dwellers which manifests itself in the idea that nowhere else could possibly be as cultured. It's good to experince other places, other communities, other vibes.

Agree with this. Mumsnet is absurdly London centric.

You need to look forward not back to when aberdeen was home before. Pretend you’re brand new there. Look around. There is buggy fit and there’ll be baby swimming and other stuff like that. The music hall has a fab new cafe that won’t have been open last time you lived there. The museum & art gallery is being refurbished right now. As is the science centre - both will reopen soon. Take a day trip to the new v&a in Dundee.

I’m on the next train @LadyFatboobs! I was desperate to move to Aberdeen about 10 years ago when I saw a pink castle for sale for £400k which had been on the market for a year. By the time a decent job came up for DH in Aberdeen (only about 3 weeks later) the thing had been sold! Are you members of the Scottish National Trust? Lots of places round there to visit.

I agree with a PP. It’s the weather. You can’t get to the beach and even if you do, it’s 10 degrees cooler than London. Just think of the snow at Christmas though!

Instead of mixing with people from your past mix with incomers - I know it’s all a bit weird right now with the oil crash but there are still lots of interesting international professionals in Aberdeen.

Aberdeen! But why?

She's said why.

The weather isn't helping this year, OP. It's been like winter recently.

I lived in Aberdeen a long time ago and really liked it, but it's probably changed a lot, and of course it's a massive change from where you were.

You'll need to give it longer than six weeks though.

I wouldn’t even class Kingston as London - more suburbia on Surrey borders. It’s not London you’re missing it’s your old life. Six weeks is no time at all to build a new life. I think it takes eighteen months to feel properly settled anywhere.
Agree the weather this year won’t help. It’s miserable even in Holland Park.
Start putting your roots down. Just like a garden needs digging over and seeds need planting so your new life needs a bit of effort and nurturing of those seedlings. Join things. Smile at school gate. Be interested in others. Offer to do jobs for others. Have children’s friends over and invite parent in for coffee at end.
Just get a schedule so you’re busy and can’t look back. In time the schedule changes, you find what you really want your life to be like and then if you move again you realise the place that made you cry every day for six months has become home and you’re sad to leave.
It just takes time and effort.

OP, I was born and raised in London. I left it 44 years ago to attend a Scottish medical school, and never went back. Nothing would induce me, even if I could afford the ridiculous house prices.
Every time I drove to work through the gorgeous Perthshire hills, I thought of the poor buggers crushed on the London Underground, with only tunnel walls to look at, or stuck in gridlocked traffic on the Hangar Lane gyratory, breathing exhaust fumes.
My village has such a low crime rate I get cheap house insurance.
I have 4 very cheap theatres within easy reach. No West End prices here - international opera companies are only £40 a ticket for a good seat. And Edinburgh is only 45 minutes drive away, with more culture and shopping than you could need in a lifetime.
Give it time, OP. You’re still in transition, and trying to adjust. Plus you need to shed the childhood “home town baggage”. You’re an adult now, it’s different.
Chin up, be positive and get stuck into local activities and I bet you feel differently by the Autumn. Good luck!

Outstanding TKMAXX sorry OP it's sort of funny but i understand you perfectly!!

PS. Sorry, I do realise you’re further from Edinburgh than me, but there are fast trains if you fancy a dose of big city culture!

Well your thread has given me the heebie jeebies. I literally moved to London for the weather and there's no way I'd move back.

Even if you've made a mistake you still have to live with it. So I suggest you join everything, throw yourself into everything and stop thinking for now.

Right a note in your calendar to take your emotional temperature in six months/one year time. And the family temperature.

And then decide. But truly, until then you MUST commit and you need to stop thinking.

IME if you love London and leave it, your new location has to be to a place that has some sort of quantifiable ‘special’ quality eg by the sea, up a mountain, another world capital, on a riverbank etc. Moving to any old generic town is never going to cut it unless you can say, “we left London and we miss it, but we’ve traded it for this and life is different but still as good”.

It's been 8 years since we moved away from London.

We had two toddlers in a 2-bedroom maisonette, and a horrible long commute. DH got offered a good job in another city, we saw we could afford a bigger place with a big garden, and off we went. I regretted it instantly but gritted my teeth and stuck with it, and (fortunately we loved our house and neighbourhood) actually it was fine for 5 years. Meanwhile, house prices rose so much in London that we would no longer have been able to buy our original maisonette.

Then DH got offered another supposedly better job, in yet another city even further from London. So we thought, what the heck, we can't afford to move back so let's move forward to the new city. Well, I've been gritting my teeth for 3 years and I loathe it, and we're even further from London, and house price rises have made our original maisonette even less affordable.

I rue the day we decided to leave London in the first place, when we stupidly didn't realise we were on a one-way ratchet.

Give it time though not all places are created equal, I really didn't like Cambridge which most Londoners would be surprised at, it was way too quaint for me, but we moved again for work and I settled after a year or so, I still like London but I'm happy to escape home after a weekend

Right a note in your calendar to take your emotional temperature in six months/one year time. And the family temperature

This is an absolutely outstanding suggestion @LaurieFairyCake and one of the reasons I’ve tarted a thread on here as it’s simple yet effective suggestions like that which make MN a useful as it can be.

Interesting that a few PPs are making comment on Aberdeen: agree, it’s an acquired taste for some, others love it. But I have a countdown to when I can really get into doing things; having a decent CSection is also delaying things and frustrating me too but I hope to get the all clear to move more so will be easing back into Buggyfit and also aiming to get back Parkrunning August/Sept.

Must look up baby cafes as well. That may be the most effective way to “speed date” a few mums as IME baby groups aren’t as effective as they’re made out to be regarding the making of connections, never mind friends. Two choruses of “Wind the Bobbin Up” and everyone fucks off at the end not making eye contact. Hm.

Come and live in Peterborough. It’s closer to London but, god, it really is shit.

I was there last week

Has craft beer and IPA passed you by? None in the pub or the first 2 convenience stores and only 2 types in a co-op.

We moved out of London and it was SO HARD. First six months I could hardly sleep felt like my brain was shouting ‘I need to get back’ at me all night long. Many tears etc. Felt ok after a year, happy after two years. It just took time to meet people & find places I liked etc - even that lovely walk to nursery back in Kingston had to be discovered.

If it was just me I would live in London and there are still things I miss terribly. But where we are is the best option for the family and I am at peace with that.

Everyone told me I would be ok in time and I didn’t believe them but I really really am.

Good luck - I feel for you

I moved from my home city to London. Hated it at first then loved it. Now we have moved to a city near my home city. Wasn't sure at first but now I really love it!

I moved last year from Hampton to the Midlands, had to be done, had to follow the job, and while there are many things I don't miss about the area (Kingston on a Saturday being one), even now almost 11 months on I miss not being able to pop to Bushy Park for a wander or a Park run , I miss my sister immensely (she lives in Teddington), I miss my old job. However the hurt and sadness has got less as we have gone on. I do visit often luckily and it is enough to fill me up before we head back to our teeny midlands village.

The move from Canterbury to Hampton was far far worse, it's where my youngest was born, where we got married, where I found friends. I cannot visit the city without crying, even now I tear up and we've been gone 4 years. Utterly ridiculous, but i know how you feel.

My husband is very lucky I love him dearly, his career has had us moving around all over the place.

I doubt the weather is helping at all. We looked at moving to Northumberland as we love it there but I knew it would be that much colder and decided against it. Oh and travelling back to London once a month or so would take longer.

Scotland is lovely but the weather and the rain would drive me mad. Even where I am the rain is making me so depressed this summer.

I've never been to Aberdeen but I know just a long weekend in Glasgow where when it rained non stop and was so grey and those dark buildings made me never want to go back

Omg! Aberdeen..

That was a huge move OP.
I’ve never been as far up as Aberdeen...and I know it can get some decent weather at times but as someone who lives on the chilly ne coast ..this is as far north as I go.

Plus my father in law was from Aberdeen and while I’m sure the people won’t all be as miserable as him
He certainly took the biscuit on that one...