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Original poster

Have moved from London and am crushed: how did you get over it?

196 replies

LadyFatboobs · 13/06/2019 13:55

Hello there

Am having a vast pity party but today is week 6 in our new city and I’ve never missed London more.

We had to move back to my home city as fundamentally we didn’t want to move away from London to a small town in the Home Counties and could afford much more space and a garden up here for myself, DH and the 3 children.

I’m just absolutely desperately thinking WTF HAVE I DONE and now putting loads of lottery tickets on just to be able to afford to run back to London and buy a three bed as I don’t know that many folk here and I forgot how absolutely fucking mega depressing it can be (especially when it rains).

Have any of you felt such intense massive regret about moving and how did you manage to get over it?

OP posts:
Singingcricket · 13/06/2019 15:05

Sorry, meant I agree with Queen Bee!

floribunda18 · 13/06/2019 15:05

Home counties? Can you not still go out in/work in London? Is it too far away to have the best of both worlds? Sure the best thing about living in a home county is you can still get into London but also get the hell out when you want to.

I'm not sure what Kingston has over the home counties anyway. It's hardly Hoxton is it.

Hoolihan · 13/06/2019 15:07

We left London three years ago and I miss it terribly. We are now in a crappy little provincial seaside town which I can't see ever feeling like home. However my kids love it, and that's why we moved really. Plus I still work in London so I can get my fix. Can you move again, either back to London or at least in striking distance? I miss the Turkish shops SO MUCH Sad

Weebitawks · 13/06/2019 15:07

I hate the jumble sale TK maxx in Woking

GetRid · 13/06/2019 15:08

You've only been there 6 weeks so presumably you don't have many friends yet. Making some will make a huge difference.

Plus it's raining again today which makes everything seem depressing.

Give it a chance!

Durgasarrow · 13/06/2019 15:21

I love big cities, too, but there ARE good things to experience wherever you are. The place where you came from as a child is a different country when you're an adult. Think of it in the abstract as a tourist would. Take classes. Go to local events. Read. Watch good films. Create. Hike. Learn about the history and landscape and your family history. Dig in deeply by being curious. You can have richness where you are. It is harder work when you are in the country, but it can happen

mamaoffourdc · 13/06/2019 15:23

I feel this way too, we moved back to the uk from abroad and I still miss that place - I'm homesick over it and it's been a year x

Myusernameismud · 13/06/2019 15:31

We moved to a little rural village from a busy commuter town in Kent (where I met DH), before that I'd lived in London all my life and DH grew up on a farm in Scotland. This is the compromise for us, sleepy little village but less than 10 mins drive from a busy town. We've been here since September and I'm still struggling to adjust, but I know it will come in time. It took me about 5 years to get used to life in Kent, so I just have to keep reminding myself it will get better.

Although I will never, ever stop longing for a Turkish shop nearby.

Myusernameismud · 13/06/2019 15:32

Walworth Rd Turkish shop is by far the best. Their fresh flatbread thingys with chilli in them, and the huge tubs of hummus and proper pitta breads. Oh god, I need to go back to London.

Sorry for the thread derail OP

coco123456789 · 13/06/2019 15:35

Have you bought a house in the new city? If you are renting, you could easily move back and rent again. I am in London and love it - it’s great with kids in you live in a nice part. If a move back isn’t possible, then try and focus on the good things. Find your local morning coffee place, weekend brunch place, park etc - when you have your ‘go to’ places it can make it feel more homey.

evilharpy · 13/06/2019 15:38

We left London ten years ago this year. I regretted it the day we left and I still regret it ten years on. We’re priced out of London now and are stuck where we currently are for a few years for reasons I won’t go into but I really wish I’d never left. And I’ve stuck it ten years so at least I can say I gave it a good go.

When we’re in a position to move I think we need to seriously think about going. Trouble is my husband does like it.

Pipandmum · 13/06/2019 15:50

I moved out of London for a seaside town for a fresh start after my husband died. Now 7 years later I’m making plans to move back. I’ve enjoyed my time here, made many friends and the kids have had a good education (private- the state schools here are adequate to ‘in special measures’), and I managed to maintain their life style with housing costing a fraction of London prices. But now my eldest is itching to spread his wings, my daughter wants an all girls sixth form, and I really miss the big city and feel ready for the next chapter of my life. I’ll keep a small place down here but even though it means downsizing by 50%, I can’t wait.

CitadelsofScience · 13/06/2019 15:56

I'm nine years in and sort of, maybe, just starting to think it might feel a bit like home. I feel your pain.

happymummy12345 · 13/06/2019 16:10

I'm the complete opposite. I was born in and grew up in London. But when I went to uni I couldn't wait to leave. I went to uni in a city in the north west, I fell in love with the place and within 6 months it was home and I'd decided I didn't want to move back to London. I ended up meeting my husband and staying here. When I was pregnant my mum convinced me to move back to London so I was close to my family, reluctantly I did. I hated being back there and less than a year after moving back we had come home (back to my uni city). Never been happier

HomeHell · 13/06/2019 16:17

Having lived all over place and start over again and again I would say 6 weeks in is ALWAYS my low point. The moving dust has settled and the stark reality of your new routine and place slap you in the face.
Stick with it. Some places grow on you. Some just don't.
I believe in giving somewhere at least 12 to 18 months to find your feet.
Try hard not to compare and choose to embrace the positives of where you are now. I'm not saying this will make you live the place but it will help with the wistful pining.
My username is because I currently despise where I live so I know the feeling well!!Sad

Oblomov19 · 13/06/2019 16:18

What's your new place like? Good schools for kids.
I only go to Kingston occasionally and like the pp the one way system is well annoying!

IGottaSeeJane · 13/06/2019 16:20

Sorry OP we moved to a small market town in 1985 and I still miss London (& we were in a non-fashionable part south of the river!)

Cloudyapples · 13/06/2019 16:21

If it helps it’s chucking it down in London’s this week so it’s bit a particularly pleasant place to be either.

mydogisthebest · 13/06/2019 16:28

Me and DH moved out of London 20 years ago and still regret it - sorry OP.

We moved to Essex and it was ok but it never felt like home. We now live in a village in Derbyshire and although we are both happier here we still would rather live in London.

We have accepted that unless we win the lottery we will never be able to afford to move back. We go back all the time - about once every 6 weeks either just for a day or for a weekend. As soon as I get into London I feel like I am home

afrikat · 13/06/2019 16:51

I felt similar moving away from Edinburgh. Seriously considered quitting the job we'd moved away for and dragging us both back up there. It took months, maybe longer, before I started to get over that feeling and in every so often I still get a wrench because of how much I miss it but I know we made the right decision overall. Throw yourself into your new life, join some local groups to meet people and try not to look back too much

SilverySurfer · 13/06/2019 17:14

I lived and worked in London all my life and when I retired fifteen years ago I decided to move out because I really wanted a garden. Moved to a town in Bucks about 50 miles out assuming it would have pretty much everything that London has but on a smaller scale however I learned pretty fast that I couldn't be more wrong.

I love my garden but miss London more and would go back in a heartbeat. Unfortunately I would need to win the lottery first Sad

SparrowBo · 13/06/2019 17:34

But Kingston isn't London is it? I bet you can find much if what Kingston has to offer elsewhere.

What might be the issue is being back where you're from.

Original poster
LadyFatboobs · 13/06/2019 21:01

It’s so difficult and I know that I need to suck this up as one of the sacrifices that parents make for their children; namely I didn’t want them trapped in the hothousey London education system and up here there’s no battles to get into certain schools; they are all pretty darned good.

For that I know I will be grateful long term.

I just also know I’ll be one of the folk on this thread who’ve never got over leaving; I just feel like absolutely fucking howling as I feel my home town wasn’t the right move and at least if we’d stayed within zone 6/Surrey I’d still have been able to keep the London link alive whether through work or a fast train to Waterloo to meet chums for a night out.

It is early days... I know. I just feel I’ve put a million quid on red and the ball’s landed on black; @SparrowBo your last sentence kind of nails it.

OP posts:
Original poster
LadyFatboobs · 13/06/2019 21:03

Out of interest @HomeHell have you moved loads because of your work/OHs work/inability to settle in one place/grass-is-greeneritis?

I know I suffer from the latter and need that unpacked by a therapist sharpish.

OP posts:
DrinkFeckArseGirls · 13/06/2019 21:06

Of course Kingston is London. London is not only zone 1 and 2.