My mother is a fucking bitch. Anyone else's mother one too?

[Gottalovesummer]

Too many examples to list here. But she's a narcissist, self centred, rude fucking person and I feel so much better writing it down here.

TheBouguets please think about what you are saying after reading this thread.

Damn right I am a perfect mum when compared to my mother. My mother chose men and money over me. She abandoned me on a door step at weeks old. I was in and out of care placements at her whim. If I was happy and settled she caused trouble so the parents substitutes stopped caring for me. Where I was desperately unhappy and being abused she stayed away. When I told her her partner had made disgusting comments to me on a rare visit she didn't care apart from three minutes of performance parenting. She's still with him. She tried to take my kids from me. She threatened suicide if not invited to my wedding. Is that enough for you ?

My children have everything the need plus a lot of what they would like. They never have to wear clothes and shoes that don't fit. They never go hungry. They know they are loved.

Now fuck off and get some fucking empathy.

I haven't bothered with mine for nearly 25 years now. I was taken off her as a child as she tried to kill me, but was returned to her when I was 12 probably as a social services cost cutting exercise. She then made my life hell and I was, in effect, a prisoner until I was 25 when I managed to escape. The thought of her makes me shudder. I'm not even sure if she's still alive.

@thebougets. Ive actually had quite a long run of parenting as my dd is an adult herself.

Same here. It's what opened my eyes to the full horror of how my mother was. I'd look at my DD as she went through the trials of growing up and realise how my mother really didn't give a shit.

And that's the crux of it. I care about my DD and have always tried my best by her. Sometimes I get it wrong and when I do I try to fix it. But she knows I've always tried my best and that I love her. My mother doesn't care and I have never felt loved by her. She's never told me she loves me, she's never hugged me, never shown any interest in anything that is happening to me, never been to my house despite only living 5 minutes away. She never even visited me or enquired about me when I was having surgery.

She's angry now. Really bloody angry. Not because she has no relationship with her DD or her grandchildren, but because she's been blocked on Facebook and can no longer keep up the illusion that she's a wonderful, doting grandma.

This thread makes me really sad! My mom is an absolute diamond but on the other hand my dad is a massive arsehole that I'd be happy to never see again!

Mine lied, controlled and manipulated and we were all so conditioned into our roles we went along with it for years. She had Dementia at the end and it was going through her things that I realised what was going on as the stupid woman kept the evidence. It turned my entire life upside down and I had to reevaluate my relationship with my Dad, Brother and Mum’s family who she was estranged from. I am so grateful I have had the chance to do this.

She died 3 years ago and I don’t miss her. Having children of my own I find that fact incredibly sad. I’ve realised that with my children I don’t have to be perfect, just good enough. My DD is 20 and has thanked us recently for all the support DH and I have given her which meant a huge amount and I am confident that I have been a much much better Mother than mine ever was.

MIL was a bully, her way of dealing with the total control from abusive FIL was to turn it around the DC and play them off to each other. Sneaky and vindictive.

Now that she’s passed abusive FIL is becoming isolated as friends/family were only interested in MIL.

My DPs were abusive too, him violent and her physiological.

Not my mother but my MIL.
She was evil personified. The most selfish , narcissistic person I have ever met. I now understand why my husband was reluctant to introduce her to me . In fact , I wouldn’t have married my dh if I had known how terrible his mother was
I eventually went NC which was made easier by the fact that she moved back to Spain.
She died a few years ago and I didn’t shed a tear.

I'm just reading a memoir by a woman brought up in an abusive family and she hits the nail on the head.
These mothers have personality disorders or mental illnesses but because they are lucid, persuasive, functioning - no one knows. And so behind closed doors they reign with terror. It's amazing how scared you can be of your mother even if they've never laid a finger on you.
It's the loneliest place because society upholds the myth that mother=good and so how can you adequately explain to people years of bullying, taunts, dominance.
And it's bullshit that all mothers love their children. I remember watching a documentary about cats years ago. This cat had a litter of kittens and didn't seem to recognise them as its own. She kept trying to put them in a high up place on top of a fridge and leave them. We are glorified animals really and I believe some human mothers are just not wired to love their kids in the appropriate way.

I have considered things and have come to the conclusion that as much as others have said they have had abusive mothers I have abusive DC. I don't think either is good.
I get angry that it is accepted here that there are mothers who are so bad. Reading this it looks like almost a competition to see who had the worst mother.
I don't fit in your camp because my mother was not abusive, quite strict but not abusive. I did my best to bring up DC as best I could, they were not hit, or punished for things. I was perhaps too soft.
I was maybe trying to find a place where my experiences were accepted and comforting words said. My DC has never had any comforting words at bad times. Perhaps that is what I crave.
Please understand that all mothers are not bad. Some DC are very bad and the dilemma is I think they have been unpleasant to me, but is it only me? Are they being just as awful to their DC. Are they picking on the weaker people such as older people and young people.
I just hope my DGC are not as badly treated as me and that they are safe.

Imagine as a 14 year old who had a Saturday job and saved hard for some pretty clothes because your mother never bought you anything like that, imagine coming home to find all your pretty clothes had been cut up with a pair of scissors. Apparently because boys were looking at me the wrong way and my father did not approve. I marched into my fathers workplace to berate him in front of all the staff, he had no idea what I was talking about.

TheBouquets I absolutely agree that there are abusive children and I know some lovely people whose children have treated them very badly.

It’s absolutely not a competition to see who has the worse Mother, it’s people sharing experiences that are very difficult to share in RL. You’re not going to get what you need from this thread as it’s specifically about the experience of having an abusive Mother which as you said you didn’t.

I absolutely get your pain. Have you thought about starting your own thread to find people on a similar position as yourself? I just can’t see you getting what you need here as your situation is a different dynamic to what’s being discussed here and I think reading this might be a bit like picking a scab. I’m absolutely not trying to be horrible and I have seen some of my friends go through some very tough times so I do feel for you

thebougets. - I think you are right.I understand you have your troubles too.Life isnt at all fair or just.you dont always reap what you soww.your right tho-voicing it came overalmost like a counter claim on this thread .its entirely different.i'm sorry about your troubles.xx

this thread isnt a competition, in fact i only think people started detailing thier experiences once TheBouquets had questioned whether we were all misled about how bad our mothers were.

i watched Rocket man and although mine and Eltons lives couldnt be more different the emotions the film brought to life about his rejection by his parents was spot on. unless you have had that experience you really cannot understand, people seem to think once you have got out of the situation and have your own life and family that everyting is now ok, unfortunately it just highlights just how much you didnt have as a child emotionally and often once you have kids it really drives home how awful someone must be to treat a child in that way, i sometimes fell like i'm grieving for the childhood i should and could have had. its not something you can ever replace

Brie all you can do is ensure your own children have a boringly normal childhood. That way they will continue to visit you when married with their own children and treat their own children well.

I am learning from your points of view.
I feel that maybe I am questioning what people are saying because I know my DC lies about me. Not even my age is right in what they are saying. They have this group of people who rip into me if I say or do anything. These people don't know me and they are believing the lies of my DC. I think the people who are believing my DC without actually knowing me are wrong, they should think for themselves.
I have noticed other threads about DC not being the best in various ways. I assume that I am not the only person.

I will continue to read this thread but try not to say anything.
Sorry, you have had bad childhoods. I tried to give good childhood but it is not appreciated. What they are doing to the DGC is not good and there have been interventions

Thebouguets, my DD announced that X’s Mum was about to throw her out of the house. I said I thought it rather unlikely as they were at that moment on a trip to London together. DD looked very surprised, it hadn’t occurred to her that her friend would lie to her, why would it to be fair?

The girl in question then moved into her boyfriend’s house telling his parents that she had been thrown out . Again his parents believed her until they found out it wasn’t the case. Generally people assume people are telling the truth as you don’t think your friends lie to you.

This links into Mothers lying actually,. Care phone Manager said to me one day was I aware Mum says one thing to me and another to my Brother ? no I wasn’t but they had heard her on the phone. Manager said it’s surprisingly common but we don’t expect our parents to lie to us.

Yes my own mum is a nosey bitch and my dad is a whimp for putting up with it. They were both rubbish parent and should not have had children.

I’ve found this website really helpful as I try to make sense of my childhood and the effect it has had in me in adulthood

yourholisticpsychologist.com

I really struggle understanding why my son would love me. Don't get me wrong, I have done all I can to be a safe place for my son and give him all the attention and care he needs while giving him space to breathe and make his own choices. I've worked really hard at being the best mother I can, but I was not expect to love my mother and it seems odd that my son should be expected to love me.

My mother did her best. It's just that there were gaps. I hope my son has a better footing if he has children.

I'm sorry to hear all these, I too am Nc with mine after years of problems. I find another site helpful called Out of the FOG (fear obligation and guilt).

"Damn right I am a perfect mum when compared to my mother"

that made me smile. I feel the same.

my brother (who is very controlled by her still) was watching my kids one day and he turned to me and said "you've broken the cycle". I think it's the best thing he's ever said to me.

To poster who feels she is a narcissist - insight is the root to getting better so just keep trying. All the best to you.

If think it took me a long long time to realise just how terrible my mother actually was
Certain things bring it home
Such as a few people at work at the moment, bending over backwards to help their kids with their GCSEs . Not even sure my mother knew I was doing mine. I spent nights before an exam putting the drunken bitch to bed or having to call the police when she turned violent . Surprised I manage to pass them

tobeforgotten .

I've been reading all your posts and feel heartbroken for us all. And also realising that I need to go no contact for my own sanity.

I have teenagers and am pretty certain I'm a better mum than mine was/is. Actually, I know I am, and am so relieved about that.

Feeling relieved today that I'm not going to put myself thro anymore of her tantrums/offensive words and behaviour/feeling like I have to walk on eggshells around her all the time.

Thank you again to all of you for sharing your stories x x

My dm isn’t the worst by a long way.
I’m torn because she is Mary fucking Poppins for dc down the magical adventures. But the same dc who she said were damaged due to drug and alcohol abuse during pregnancy. They were not.
She inherited from my father but forged documents for a poa for me and kept my inheritance.
I was so turned about at 3 days post partum I moved all her furniture to a new house for her. I will never forget carrying a chest of drawers down stairs and my stitches aching and believing that other women would be fine and I was weak and lazy.
So it’s a weird one, I feel if she disappeared tomorrow I probably wouldn’t be bothered once I’d sorted child care.