Advice Clinic - Slatterns welcome

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Do you have problems? Is your life truly ridiculous, are you ridiculous? Please step inside our fully staffed advice clinic and we will cure all your ills. We have a clap nurse standing by for more intimate problems, don't be shy.

TL raw. I think that's a distinction that is only important in your mind. Is this something we should talk about?

this I also like cooked onions on a hotdog etc but not raw unless on a salad with copious amounts of mayonaise and with another food that cancels out the salad element like a burger.

Wanking and drinking at their desks did seem to be a popular method of teaching. I think they phased it out with the PGCE.

Thigh we can discuss this to death!!

DT and TL are you saying that if the balls smell of cooked onions that's A-OK with you?

Re Oscar P, it's true I never saw onion balls in shorts. I wonder.

I mean, there are worse things for balls to smell of...

So what's the consensus? Has everyone shagged an Ian?

Your own vomit?

Exactly! Raw onions would be disgusting and imagine the taste! But caramelised onions, or crispy onions, lovely. There is a danger you’d mistake it for a hot dog though and bite down hard.

I’ve never shagged an Ian.

Ooh goody! Murder and cults on tonight! It's like Christmas but better.

lido!

We need to find you an Ian, so you can share in the disappointment.

Oh TL you're truly blessed. Proj is still having flashbacks.

I’m retired from shagging, Proj, so I’ll just remember my most disappointing shag and imagine he was called Ian. I can’t remember his actual name but it wasn’t Ian.

It's probably why you're still open to the prospect of cooked onion balls.

What about if it was pickled onion monster munch smell?

That would be confusing and disturbing.

True, typical of my sister to get me to miss out.

Difficult not to get walloped in the face with a teabag when following my patented recipe "walkaway tea".

Thigh, I have a question.

I’m lying in bed and I stink. It’s been a sweaty ol day. The shower is a difficult 9 steps away and can I really be bothered?

Any quick solutions using nearby items (an empty bathroom cleaner bottle, a shoe, a towel, an old sudoku book)?

I think all of this talk about balls is bringing out the whore in me!

I'm off out to make a conquest (but make no mistake it'll cost him good, I'm trying for a fiver tonight!!)

That's not you're quite ok as you are! Stay lying down and just wake up tomorrow! If you still need a plan we can re-visit this issue.

Thank you dangly - I am overcome with relief (or stench).

That I believe being overpowered by your own stench is one of the best ways to get healthy natural sleep. That or meth.

Where’s frown? I hope the broccoli hasn’t done for her.

thigh I think we need a diagram of walkaway tea