Advice Clinic - Slatterns welcome

[pineapplebryanbrown]

Do you have problems? Is your life truly ridiculous, are you ridiculous? Please step inside our fully staffed advice clinic and we will cure all your ills. We have a clap nurse standing by for more intimate problems, don't be shy.

Also I need an intervention from you...........or make my spuds peel themselves.

What sort of potatoes are you making? Just do something that doesn’t require peeling.

Mash.

Good idea. Then if I chuck them against the wall then they'll mash themselves.

Well I just went through ex's messages, they're a bit weirder than I'd thought.

"It was quite revealing for you to show up, as bitter and twisted as ever" (about a dream. I'd told him my daughter visits me in my dreams, which she does and makes me happy)
"How potent and manipulative you really are"
"Your useless evaluation of things is no longer required. Your predisposed outlook, no matter how skewed and unbalanced, would surely find it hard to exist anywhere but the most squalid and unnatural place that could only occur in that soulless black hole that you call a mind"
"You are the most potently dark and corrupt human soul it has been my unfortunate burden to encounter"

Miles more, he needs to quieten down. I can see why my family/friends find it funny because it's ludicrous but it's not nice being on the receiving end. I finished with him as I didn't get what he was on about. It's like aural smacking.

Well I don't have any accents currently other than my native Northern accent but am willing to learn.

I'm taking my studies very seriously for my role as Saint.

May your spuds peel themselves in the name of the heavenly father, Jesus, your protector, is always with you and may peel your spuds for you or encourage you to buy 'Smash' instead.

You can mash through peel.

Frown he sounds very unpleasant. Sorry to hammer you with the same question again, but do you have children together? How does he contact you when he does?

What sort of northern are you, DT? Funny to imagine you with accents. Except Lone who has sounded like one of my aunts in my head since revealing she lives in Dublin.

Amazing StDang as DH is peeling!
(They need peeling as they're old & growing bits)

Lido is your aunt impossible to understand? Because pretty much nobody outside of Dublin ever knows what I'm saying. We speak at 100 mph.

this North West of England, there's a bit of Manchester accent in there although I'm not from actual Manchester but not too far away.

Frown that is unacceptable, it would be advisable to disengage from all this now. You really don't have to listen to that shit. Sad for him that that's how his mind works but you can get yourself far away from it.

Frown one can have be bipolar & not be an arse. (e.g. be perfectly nice & civil)
I mean you can have lovely amazing people with heart disease, cancer, diabetes, epilepsy, schizophrenia etc & extremely nasty people with aforementioned illnesses.
The illness doesn't maketh the man although it does make life difficult.
I mean must folk don't go round being horrible & blame it on their illness.
Does he blame you for his illness or do you beat yourself up because you feel that you couldn't 'cure' him?

Frown that’s not funny, that’s batshit. I’m sorry you’re not getting the support you need from RL people, but those messages read as very twisted and unkind.

Lone. My DP is from Dublin and I couldn't understand a word of what him and his mates were saying when I first went there with him. So sexy !

Frown - what the fuck is he about? He is playing games with you saying all that shit. He is desperate for your attention. It is very sad but as someone else said, cutting ties might be easier for you both.

I'm sorry about your daughter. Have a hug from me.

Tracy completely agree.

I read through my response messages and they're all fairly standard 'stf are you on about?'

He also accused me of harming his children. I haven't met them. He said he would harm me if anything happened to them.

I lost a little girl, not with him, she visits me in my dreams though

I’m alive BTW. Fluid undiagnosed. Will accept the internet diagnosis of my clinic colleagues - it’s either my faith in humanity or the Holy Spirit. Dangly did you jizz in my ear?

Frown sorry to hear that

Proj have you been swimming in one of your new Mansion's pools? Could explain seepy ear

((((Frown))))

Sorry Proj I might have got over-exited at taking up residence in your ear so accidentally jizzed out of my stick-on willy. Many apologies for the inconvenience.

Tractor I always forget that we're hard to understand and am met by people just staring at me with confused expressions. DP has a 'foreigner voice' where he slows down if hes talking to anyone outside Dublin. I just can't master it. I've given up at this stage, just as well I don't want to talk to people anyways eh?

frown I’m sorry about your daughter. I’m glad she comes to you in dreams, that’s lovely. I want to ask what’s she’s called but don’t answer if it’s too identifying

Lone nope, have always found the accent easy to understand and am genuinely surprised when other people don’t. My dad doesn’t sound very Irish to me, he just sounds like my dad, but I guess maybe I’ve absorbed more of it than I think!

One of my friend’s exes is bipolar. He was properly mad, as in like psychotic episodes and paranoia, but he wasn’t a dick like that. Well, I suppose he was a dick because one of her friends found him on a dating site, at which point she got rid, l but he didn’t say horrible things to her!

Frown