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Original poster

Advice Clinic - Slatterns welcome

999 replies

pineapplebryanbrown · 10/06/2019 00:41

Do you have problems? Is your life truly ridiculous, are you ridiculous? Please step inside our fully staffed advice clinic and we will cure all your ills. We have a clap nurse standing by for more intimate problems, don't be shy.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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M3lon · 17/06/2019 10:18

thigh I honestly think he was lurking just to ambush me! On the flip side that will make it easier to lure him to the chateau!

thislido · 17/06/2019 10:29

M3 can't you just hand it out and get them to work it out themselves as a learning opportunity? Or get a couple of them up to the front to do it?

DanglyTassles · 17/06/2019 10:45

I love the four moats too Reg you are indeed a very fine artist.

Thigh I need to be hooked up to the machine right now if we are selling my trumps I have a gassy tummy today!

So what other saintly things should I be doing today instead of work? Do I meditate? Do i give speeches? Do I have a nice mid-morning snack? Do I hassle people on the Fat thread?

DanglyTassles · 17/06/2019 10:46

Am i still to commit heinous murders?

DanglyTassles · 17/06/2019 10:46

Has anyone got a handbook?

DogHairEverywhere · 17/06/2019 10:55

Definitely continue the heinous murders. Just think of the kudos of being murdered by a saint. People will be queuing up.

DanglyTassles · 17/06/2019 11:13

Oh good, I'd like it if the victims queued up, that would save me a lot of hunting effort.

DogHairEverywhere · 17/06/2019 11:17

If they're queuing, we could sell them merchandise as well. May as well relieve them of their cash, after all, they can't take it with them.

CarolinePooter · 17/06/2019 11:21

But would it work like vampire murders, would you in fact create MORE saints Dangly ? It's bad enough people on AIBU being all Holier than Thou!!

CarolinePooter · 17/06/2019 11:22

But if there's money in it....

CarolinePooter · 17/06/2019 11:24

When they become Saints will they no longer be able to be on AIBU? I mean not able to physically use the keyboard? How frustrating for them. Definitely do it!

CarolinePooter · 17/06/2019 11:26

So if somebody bloody annoying on AIBU makes you bloody annoyed you could go on their thread and offer to turn them into a Saint?

Surely not a deletable offence?

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 17/06/2019 11:29

Yes we really must start making some money soon, we've been at this for 4 months and never made a penny piece. I don't understand it, we've had thousands of innovative and inspirational business ideas.

Menacing cards
Lawn flattening
Child removal
BumTips
Body Disposal
Cheerful murder

No one can say we're lazy. Didn't we have cock feet at some stage? Plus poor Santa Danglia has been whoring constantly.

OP posts:
DanglyTassles · 17/06/2019 11:29

Yes that's a good idea, but I'd have to make it clear that once they are one they've not to visit me! I can't be 'hanging out'!

DanglyTassles · 17/06/2019 11:32

Look wikipedia wrote me a manual:

  1. exemplary model
  2. extraordinary teacher
  3. wonder worker or source of benevolent power
  4. intercessor
  5. a life often refusing material attachments or comforts
  6. possession of a special and revelatory relation to the holy.

Not keen on No.5 but the rest are doable I think.

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 17/06/2019 11:37

Would you prefer this?

  1. Benevolent
  2. Whorish
  3. Kind
  4. Drunkard
  5. Cheerful
  6. Slattern
  7. Good at typing
OP posts:
CarolinePooter · 17/06/2019 11:39

Thigh we just don't have Friends in High Places. Nobody is going to pay us to administer training schemes to schools and police and large businesses. We really should be a registered charity, that's where the action is. Like when the mafia got into refuse collection .

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 17/06/2019 11:44

Oh Pooter you have got to the crux of the matter. Nobody important has noticed us, I am Dangly's Johnson but who is my Johnson? Where is my Bruce Wayne? Why am I not a ward of a vastly rich orphan?

If only you hadn't murdered your paramour with the cigar trick we'd be quids in by now, just like Kerry Katona.

OP posts:
thislido · 17/06/2019 12:01

How's you arse, Thigh? My arse status this morning is 'Afflicted'. Might have something to do with rising panic about to-do list.

M3lon · 17/06/2019 12:32

Am not locked in cupboard! hooray!

DanglyTassles · 17/06/2019 12:33

I much prefer your list than the wiki list Thigh , I can be all of those things at all different times of the day.

I always knew I was a Saint! Apart from the time when I didn't know!

DanglyTassles · 17/06/2019 12:37

this I think you should throw your to-do list over your left shoulder into the eye of the devil (or something) and your arse will then recover.

DanglyTassles · 17/06/2019 12:37

Well done M3 !

M3lon · 17/06/2019 12:46

I'm actually a little embarrassed about how well today is going. Not locked in cupboard, not fired, not actually in any apparent trouble or late with anything in particular...

I hope I can still remain a thister in the face of this unexpected lack of catastrophe? Its not like I got promoted to running the place or anything

thislido · 17/06/2019 13:30

There’s no judgement here, M3. We delight in your success. We just discourage striving that doesn’t lead to happiness.