Advice Clinic - Slatterns welcome

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Do you have problems? Is your life truly ridiculous, are you ridiculous? Please step inside our fully staffed advice clinic and we will cure all your ills. We have a clap nurse standing by for more intimate problems, don't be shy.

Saint Dangly I ask for your help. I am trying to grow my layers out, in order to be less Judi Dench and more Helen Mirren. Alas my faith is not strong enough for the long process involved. Please can you bless my struggling follicles?

PS if I end up looking in any way like Helen Mirren that would truly be a miracle! But just the hair would do!

Caroline I am at your service! A blessing shall take place and you mane shall burst forth all splendid like Helen's before the week is out!

Now just let me find the right page in the Saint manual and then we'll be away!

M3 I had a telepathic word in your bosses ear re spiking the bbq fuel.
He won't bother you again (unless it's some mundane work thing)
Oh I do like his purple tie or is it red?
I haven't got my televisual contact lenses in at the moment. Only my normal ones.

That would explain a lot tracy - and thanks for the intervention!

Thanks Your Holiness !

I ❤️ the advice clinic. I really do.

Also, fluid is leaking out of my ear. A) what is it? And b) I’m on the tube. Can I surreptitiously wipe it on the person next to me?

Eek, it's started just now? I think it's Dangly coming out of your ear, alien style

Proj you're supposed to put the drink in your mouth not your ear!

Have you got a tissue? Failing that accidentally fall over & blame someone else.
In the meantime I'll pray to St Danglia to stop it. I think leaky bits comes under her patronage?
I'll try St Anthony as well to find your dry ear. And St Louise as sick people is one of her things along with social workers & abandoned children.

I have no idea what it is! Exciting!

I’m waiting til I get to the car to investigate. Stiff upper lip and all that.

Do they have an emergency cord on the tube? Up to you...

Are you at high altitude?

I pray to St Jude - patron saint of lost causes.

How exciting. Maybe it’s the elixir of life and we can monetise it. Don’t let it drip away!

Proj may the fluid stop oozing from your ear in the name of the heavenly father and myself, the good Santa Danglia of Tassles. May you feel confident that your ear is now in tip top condition and will be going back to just hearing and not oozing.

You weren’t reading AIBU were you? If so it’s probably your humanity liquifying and ebbing away in despair.

Thigh you heard me! I thought where is she & poof you appear.

Proj are you still alive?

Unless of course it is the elixir of life and we can monetise it, in which case may it stay there oozing away.

Have you got a little bottle?

If the Fat thread has done this to Proj I am going over to give them a piece of my mind! Not done that for a bit!

Wait DT, it’s a trick. They are trying to liquify all of us. We must arrange shields before proceeding back into nohumansland.

Have got Shield soap will that suffice?

this you are right! It can only be a trap to lure us in again!

We must strengthen our armoury against the spellz!

Maybe Green Shield Stamps, laminated?

I might go over and do a blessing. They won't like that one bit.

Hey, do Saints have Irish accents or is that just Father Ted?

I think they have accents from everywhere. Though I imagine them having Latin Spanish accents.

What accent/accents do you have/do St Danglia?