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Advice Clinic - Slatterns welcome

999 replies

pineapplebryanbrown · 10/06/2019 00:41

Do you have problems? Is your life truly ridiculous, are you ridiculous? Please step inside our fully staffed advice clinic and we will cure all your ills. We have a clap nurse standing by for more intimate problems, don't be shy.

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DanglyTassles · 15/06/2019 22:42

Triangle says thank you Tracy , he is smiling because he heard the compliments and he would enjoy the job you suggest.

He can be quite dangerous to the little fish, as cichlids tend to be. He is the boss of the tank!

He also says yes he is from the amazon basin and he is impressed by your species knowledge.

DanglyTassles · 15/06/2019 22:43

He's getting a big head now Tracy he'll be impossible later!

DanglyTassles · 15/06/2019 22:44

He's seen his arse now because i said your cat has a really cute face.

Turned his back he did!

TracyBeakerSoYeah · 15/06/2019 22:57

Tell Triangle that Misty says if he'll pretend to be a dog then she'll go for a walk/swim with him.
Misty is cool with fish as like I said earlier she thinks she's a dog & comes for a walk with me.
Her most cutest/annoying habit is when we walk to the local shop & she sits outside & meows loudly if I take to long!

TracyBeakerSoYeah · 15/06/2019 23:03

Where's Thigh gone? Is she out assassinating?

DanglyTassles · 15/06/2019 23:06

Aww Misty sounds like a great cat!

I shall tell Triangle tomorrow! I've put him to bed now for sulking!

Yes don't worry Thigh will be off on a killing spree, we'll see her again very soon.

Frownette · 15/06/2019 23:14

Aww, a fish and cat romance!

I had a weird thought earlier about what thigh would be like completing the census, can you imagine?

The office of national statistics would take one look at the form and back away slowly

thislido · 15/06/2019 23:23

I wondered about BastardCat too, he's definitely swallowed something large.

Lidocat is currently very happy, prowling the rearranged living room, which he knows was done to provide him with new and exciting spots to lounge, climb and shred. He sends you all a wink but doesn't want to out himself with a photo.

TracyBeakerSoYeah · 15/06/2019 23:29

Frown your biblical quote earlier was spookily apt for me. Unless you are me?
TL tell your puss he's gorgeous!
Dangle how do you put a fish to bed? Does Triangle have curtains/cover for his bedroom/tank?

pineapplebryanbrown · 15/06/2019 23:33

I'm wondering whether Triangle needs a moat too? That would be 4 moats. One for tropical fish, one for TL to swim at Arctic temps, one for me and anyone else who's normal and likes water to be warm (heated via fart power) and one for the sharks.

Could we see one eye of Lidocat or a patch of fur? A bit of tail?

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pineapplebryanbrown · 15/06/2019 23:36

I have been studying murder methods via the medium of television. I upped my package to include ID Channel and Crime Investigation Channel. This might have been a mistake, I have so many shows to study and learn from now.

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TracyBeakerSoYeah · 15/06/2019 23:36

Ooh Thigh have you finished your work for the night?

pineapplebryanbrown · 15/06/2019 23:44

Beaker not sure, I think I'm just having a little apple crumble break.

I'm concerned about you DT - you're almost constantly sober these days. Has your husband turned controlling? Do you need help? Shall I send the tholice to rescue you?

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Frownette · 15/06/2019 23:54

Now now, I thought you said it was fine if we didn't pour neat spirits down our gullet. All would be forgiven.

Or are you trying to wean DT away from her husband?

TracyBeakerSoYeah · 15/06/2019 23:59

I'd lend you my bottle of Cava but I've drank it all.

pineapplebryanbrown · 16/06/2019 00:13

Frown I've been trying to part DT's husband from his liver (for the organ harvesting) for quite some time. Dangly prefers life drunk, I am concerned she's being forced into sobriety.

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MrsCatE · 16/06/2019 06:14

BastardCat is not , he's just big boned.

We're both Piscean - explains a lot.

Ooh, can we have a Grotto? With a heated pool?

MrsCatE · 16/06/2019 06:15

Meant BastardCatv1.0 is not fat.

DanglyTassles · 16/06/2019 08:28

Don't panic!! Sorry to cause concern I am going to be pissed this evening instead!

I know I normally prefer to be totally drunk at weekends but I have to do a whispers later on today and it always involves getting shitfaced so I saved myself!

Fortunately I'm working from home tomorrow with minimal need to communicate with office. I shall correct all my mistakes on Tuesday! It's a plan!

Tracy I put Triangle to bed by turning his big light off! For all I know that might be the time he does his hunting and gathering but I like to imagine he just settles down to sleep!

DanglyTassles · 16/06/2019 08:32

Hey there is a sensible post on the fat thread! Thank fuck for that!

Who knew that could happen I thought we'd reduced it to carnage and chaos!

pineapplebryanbrown · 16/06/2019 08:34

Hmm, check again it's slipping backwards.

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TopiaryTractorTart · 16/06/2019 08:41

I hope all the shamers have small cars and are not the ones with massive ones that spoil my parking experience. If not they should sort themselves out and buy smaller cars and stop being so selfish.
Or perhaps the parking spaces need to be bigger to accommodate the massive cars.

TopiaryTractorTart · 16/06/2019 08:42

My cats are too bloody gorgeous to post on here, someone will steal them

ProjectGainsborough · 16/06/2019 08:49

Please stop me from posting in that thread. This is why I never engage.

TopiaryTractorTart · 16/06/2019 08:50

Hey Proj. Did you reply to my offer?