Advice Clinic - Slatterns welcome

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Do you have problems? Is your life truly ridiculous, are you ridiculous? Please step inside our fully staffed advice clinic and we will cure all your ills. We have a clap nurse standing by for more intimate problems, don't be shy.

Does anyone want to clear up the cat shit from my garden?

TT very few Scorpio SKs surprisingly.

TT if you give me your robot mower, sure.

Mmmm potatoes.

My mum is a Pisces. In fact I think you might have the same birthday, I vaguely remember something about that back in March.

Sagittarius do have a weapon.

I solved my breadmaker lust, I've added part baked baguettes to my next Tesco order. My attention span will have moved on after that.

I would love to TT , except I'm busy, got a job to do with Betty my machete!

TL and is your mum a gentle dreamer/murderer type?

Mmmm baking.

She’s an impatient doer type. Maybe that’s how I’ve survived.

My dog decided she didn't want a walk this morning, most unusual but I appreciate the rest and extra time to see what you are all plotting in the murdering line.
Thigh I had a bread maker once couldn't get on with it. It let off gorgeous baking smells for hours but the resulting loaf was disappointing with a big hole in the base where the mixer goes. It has gone to the shed with my other useless gadgets.

As i am statistically less likely to be a serial killer, I'm happy to start of the killing spree as it will take 'them' longer to track me down. I guess the police know that more killers are Pisces, so will round up those first for questioning. Thigh, get your alibi sorted, i feel my bloodlust rising.

Re the castle, can we site it on a cliff, because I'd still like my sea view. I'd like a slide leading from my balcony down to the beach below and some sort of conveyer belt to bring me back up, thanks.

TTT my ideal match is Scorpio. I’m Taurus - earthy and stubborn

DH is a Pisces.

TTT, I'm happy to lend you my dog, who will quickly and efficiently clear your garden of cat shit, the only downside is that he will then want to lick you. It's up to you, the offer's there.
If you hate your neighbours, you might be able to stand and chat with them after he's cleared your garden and direct him to licking them, that works sometimes.

Dog well it might have taken them longer if you hadn't announced your nefarious intentions on the internet.

Re: castle, we also need a Jacuzzi and a few peacocks in the grounds for aesthetic purposes. I'm not sure if we should be in chainmail or white silk robes?

I'll bring my sword to ward off intruders.

Project don't let your dh murder you, he sounds dangerous,maybe we should murder him first? When i'm less busy murdering M3's boss I can add him to the list if you like?

Good idea for the castle on a cliff Dog but how can we stop randoms coming up the conveyor from the beach?

We'll have to have a thister on guard duty at all times!

But DT, sunburnt tourists in 'kiss me Kate' hats and carrying plastic sandbuckets would be prime fodder for dog's murder spree

Betty the Machete! So whimsical. I feel a children’s story coming on...

M3Ion I've accidentally become acting Head of Department, they've said no bunking off is allowed, in fact they even suggested that I couldn't go on my holiday, that's already booked! I said, " um .... I am going on my family holiday and they said err. ...OK."

Starts Monday with a two week handover...... ARRRGH

Please send Barry

Scorpio, but I don't think I'm cut out for serial killing. DH and DD2 are both Virgo and overly logical ie bloody pedantic. DD1 is Pisces and very emotional and artistic.

Good work in the theatre, Thisters! I was going to offer myself as a "thin buddy" to be seated next to fatties, but hesitate to fan the flames.

Ooooo. Nobody’s getting near us here.

But...how would you get UP there? Imagine trekking home with your shopping then having to navigate thousands of steps.

Is there a life? A helipad?

naked I have the perfect solution! You could swap with me HoD and then I won't have to face HIM on Monday and I can help you out instead!

my not me...still feeling the effects of the meat surfeit.

Acting HoD looks like a terrible job. I hope you still get all the salary bump etc!

How hard will you be working to make sure they don't make it permanent?

Also which Thister bumped off your original HoD?

So many questions.....

There’s a helipad

Bled