Today I said the wankiest thing ever.

[LadyOfTheCanyon]

Cutting some cellophane into a circle at work while I customer watched
"that's pretty nifty!" She said " How do you know how to do that?
" Oh, it's the same principle as making a Cartouche for sweating celeriac!" I said cheerfully.

I fear my WC forebears are spinning in their graves. What's the wankiest thing you've ever said?

Took my then 3 year old to a friend's house one day....daughter could not understand why said friend's toilet was upstairs or indeed why their shower was over the bath and not one you would just walk into. Luckily my friend found it funny

Heard myself asking, in a lovely little country pub in Yorkshire, “Are your wasabi nuts gluten-free?”

Still laughing...his faux pas has not been mentioned since (we text often!)...

Didn't he do it on purpose as a joke, because you'd laughed about it already that day?

That’s exactly what I thought too HasThisSoddingNameGoneToo

This is the first thing that made me squirt coffee out of my nose since the “Snapped and Farted” thread!!! #boilinthevag 😆

Not said by me but 2 me..

Ex friend who was a massive snob (Not quite sure why) said in reply to me complaining my Toddler was a fussy eater..
'Oh..(insert very middle class name) simply adores olives ..we struggle to stop her eating the whole jar'

I felt it would be churlish to point out the salt content is hideous in olives

Let's be honest, olives are the MC alternative to Hula Hoops, aren't they?

Been reading this all weekend brilliant i just keep snorting and my DH keeps staring at me i cant even explain I cant get my words out

#boilinthevag

What is the "snapped and farted" thread? If anyone could post the link, that'd be great - thank you!

Just laughing at boil in the vag

I'm just back from hospital where I went after coughing up a lung laughing at "boil in the vag" imagine my surprise when "snapped and farted" was also mentioned in the same thread, I must have almost died laughing, I kept remembering those words and sniggering while the surgeon kept falling about every time someone else said "boil in the vag" so in the end he put ear plugs in so he could concentrate and pop my lung back into place, the whole hospital were literally wetting themselves with laughter, my taxi driver home asked me what had happened and when I told him he drove into a ditch in hysterics, I mean, "boil in the vag" some may only smile but I've got a tale to tell my grandchildren now!!!!!!!!

Not.

Anyone else think that posts which mock the innocent enjoyment of this thread are themselves exemplars of wankiness?

(And maybe this post itself qualifies on similar grounds?) 

I love boil in the bag rice, I'm crap at cooking rice despite following all the tips and also have a tendency to make too much when given free rein.

I went into our local sweet shop and asked whether the candy sticks were al dente!

On the phone complaining to Ocado: "The substitution is not acceptable. Ground coffee doesnt work in my bean-to-cup Gaggia".

My DD 12 was being a bit cheeky the other day and jokingly said to her older cousin "I'm going to kick your arse back to Narnia" I did manage to contain myself enough to tell her of for saying arse. She said it on her most poshest voice it had us all in stitches.

AnneProthero
Are you always so cheerful?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/3277729-Embarrassed-by-boyfriend

Enjoy ladies!!!! Funniest fucking thread ever! Although this is close! X

We have a brick storage building at the end of our garden, previous owners said it used to be a stable from a country house that existed before the land was sold and our road was built. I don’t know what to call it though - I talk about putting things on the garage even though it’s not a garage and you can’t drive to it. Can’t bring myself to call it the stable!!!

Took DD2 to a singing group when she was a toddler, the leader had drawn pictures of food and the kids had to say and clap the rhythm. We were fine with saus -a -ges, she showed a picture of orange rectangles and asked one little girl who looked blank. Wanky Daddy piped up with “oh she wouldn’t know that we’d never feed her fish fingers”.

Die i cant read it again i just cant

Anne get a life

@AnneProtheroe
U OK Hun?

I can't think of anything else to say to you!

Thanks Die!

Die I remember that thread. I just can't go back down that rabbit hole..!

Nice policewoman stopped to talk to a friend and I about reporting suspicious behaviour in London. At the end she goes “doing anything nice this afternoon?”

I go in my poshest voice “yes just off to a lunchtime concert”.

I mean we were, but what a twat.

@AnneProtheroe wha... that’s a very strange load of bollocks you are talking about there