Today I said the wankiest thing ever.

[LadyOfTheCanyon]

Cutting some cellophane into a circle at work while I customer watched
"that's pretty nifty!" She said " How do you know how to do that?
" Oh, it's the same principle as making a Cartouche for sweating celeriac!" I said cheerfully.

I fear my WC forebears are spinning in their graves. What's the wankiest thing you've ever said?

Boil in the vag!

I suppose it means you can cook dinner slow cooker style whilst you work

Lynfordthecrab that probably didn't sound as ridiculous in Waitrose as it would have done in another supermarket. Hibiscus flowers are probably in Waitrose Essential range.

In the queue at Waitrose a few years ago "If you don't behave darling then you can't have a fig"

Also, this week to my weirdo eldest, "If you don't tidy up your toys you can't play chess with Daddy"

Vom.

"As if I've got time to swap around my chandeliers". wanted to punch myself in the face.
To be fair, they are really ugly, old chandeliers.

when my dd was about two I was at the park with her and another parent I recognised vaguely commented on how confident my child was and I said yes. (In an assured pompous wankiest voice) “yes she is destined to be a leader and not a follower” !!WTF why on earth did I say that I cringe now I sounded so pompous. DD is 16 now and incredibly shy! I still cringe about it!!

Lol.....my all time favourite also !
I get loads of 🙄🙄🙄

I must have said loads of stuff but one my dad said springs to mind (she was about 14yrs at the time).
When talking to her grandparents about fruits and flowers in their garden, she called a physalis a ‘ syphilis’ !!

*dd, not my dad!

'The wine just doesn't taste as good if you're not sat in Saint-Émilion'

Vom vom vom and cringe at myself

Boil in the vag 🤣🤣🤣

Ha ha, made me smile so much.
Memories of my nan and me trying new foods in the 70s.
We done a boil in the vag! if I recall the rice bag was perforated, the blister on your arm while retracting so perforated bag from pan of boiling water was a 3 day memory of pain and itch. Great telling everyone at school ' we had a curry,'
We didn't know if we liked it or not!
The sultanas and was it really chicken!
Great memories, also the tinned meatballs.
Oh the memories are wonderful.
Thank you for posting!

I'm on a very low carb diet for diabetes control. We were on a day out and our train home was delayed so I needed to eat. I was cross and hungry and thought I deserved a treat so I headed a nearby Sainsbury's to get what I really wanted. But the section was empty so I stood there and wailed loudly 'Can you believe they've got no bloody smoked salmon in this hellhole'. My DH has never let me forget this.

Oh god, I was PMSL at boil in the vag when *StCharlotte’ came along without ‘or as I call it, thrush’.

Supermarket in France, on holiday. The cashier handed me my change and I smiled and in my best French accent trilled “Bonjour!” instead of Merci.

Boil in the vag 😂😂 thanks I really needed a good laugh tonight. Excellent xx

Asked my niece what she would like for lunch at a cafe, and at the grand age of 4 requested a simple antipasto platter but hold the artichokes - add more olives...

OMG I cant breathe after reading boil in the vag curries, i had to usr my inhaler

What condoments would one use with boil in the vag?!

I was at the park with my daughter after nursery pick up, and had to phone my partner to say "DD asked for some sun dried tomatoes and feta for dinner, can you pick some up please?" the parents around me looked at me like I had 6 heads.

My mother who has ideas of grandeur taught me to say ‘I’ve had ample sufficiency, thank you.’ When asked if I would like anything else after a meal.
My friends WC parents didn’t know what to make of me!

Boil in the vag and spread my legs is the best thing I’ve read in ages

I haven't RTFT, I didn't manage to get past boil in the vag. I'm howling 🤣🤣

I just remembered 2 of mine; I accidentally ended up in a Pontins holiday park in the North West (don’t ask) it was a mega shit hole and honestly, the patrons were scary. My kids chose that scene to question loudly ‘where is the recycling facility, I can only see general waste’ and ‘There is no brioche anywhere here’ in the worlds scariest on site shop...they are usually all about the coco pops

I found myself wondering loudly (pms) ‘oh for gods sake, no sushi again! I don’t know why I bother’ in Waitrose. I actually flounced. Tit

Looking around a new school for my rug rat (then aged 5) In the playground the head said 'watch out for that fox poo' to which I replied (infront of at least 30 other parents) 'it's not fox , its goose poo '!!
Like I'm some kind of aficionado on wildlife faeces 🙄😂.
Boil in the vag had me crying too, thanks for the laughter😂

My children have said things that made me cringe beyond reason.

We’d just got a new car (new to us not brand new) and DD had scratched it during a tantrum so got told off and that we had worked hard to buy something nice and she had to respect it.

The next day a delivery driver was dropping off a parcel and said “Nice car I really like them” and 3yo DD piped up and said “If you work really hard maybe you can afford a BMW one day”.

Now three years later we have a different car and DS refers to it by brand (as he got dragged round test driving and listening to me and DH debating what to get, plus is obsessed with cars). We were in Tesco and he starts shouting “Can we go back to the Audi and go to Waitrose instead”. He likes their dinosaur cookies. I expect anyone listening was judging me. I’d have judged me.

Several years ago, when DS was about 3:
Nursery Nurse: Good morning Tom*, how was the weekend?
DS: We went to the Sculpture Park. There is a new exhibition. But I think I preference the Miro to the Shonibare.

We live very close to the Yorkshire Sculpture Park. It’s the place we go to run around. As a result, my children have a very precocious appreciation of modern art!

*not his real name.