Your child asks you to lay with them...

[cjt110]

They are 4.5 years old. Usually self soothe to sleep but ask you to lay with them.

Do you be Mum A who insists they sleep on their own. Child gets upset and you feel like a massive shit for trying to stick to the "rules" that "they" set dow about self settling.

Or

Be Mum B which thinks "fuck what "they" think" and lays with your child with their bedtime music on, soothing them and letting them fall asleep cuddling you?

I’m mostly Mum B, mostly because it’s the one time of day the 7yo shares his worries and secrets. Left to himself he used to really struggle to get to sleep. He’s learned some good techniques for that now, but it’s still the time when he’s willing to talk about things that he’ll gloss over during the day —when there is a ball to be kicked—

DS2 is a total snuggle monster. Have had to Mum A him when he’s playing up/not tired but mostly he’s all about the snuggles. When his dad and I aren’t home he goes to sleep solo no problem so I’m not worried about it.

Mum B currently am to be fair

Haven’t rtwt, but I’m mum C. I’d criticise their terrible standard of english! My DC would never have asked me to “lay” with them. Lay what? Eggs? Tables? The word is “lie”.

I lie (in bed), I lay, I have lain.
I lay (tables), I laid, I have laid.

What are they teaching in schools nowadays?!

I was Mum B until 15 minutes to sleep turned into 2 hours of singing and storybooks.

Mum B is available at any time for genuine cuddles; but Mum A will shut down any bedtime tomfoolery.

3in4 that ditty is unbearable. Not every family has two parents, two children and the leisure time and money to ensure that they can lie with their kids for two hours every night and still ensure a functioning financially solvent household. They can still be excellent parents and know how to spot shit poetry when they see it

I’d love to see the dad version of 3in4’s ‘poem’. Oh, there isn’t one. What a fucking surprise that is.

Mum C
Lay down with them for 10 mins and wake up with the morning chorus.

If you will excuse me, I shall just be vomiting copiously after reading that bloody awful 'poem'. 🤮

Being a mother does not need to mean relinquishing every aspect of your life and identity. 🙄

OP, read your update that you felt you'd been snappy with DS. Well let me tell you what that makes you lady.... human. It makes you human. Just like all of us. None of us are mumbots! Apart from the made up mumbot in that vomfest of a poem, of course...

Cjt110 if mum B does work better for you and your DS that sounds good for you. If it doesn't work out - eg. if you end up spending hours there before he falls asleep then you can do mum A but find a way that makes it work better for you. My DH was getting snappy sometimes when he took a turn going into DS1 if he woke in the night and DS1 started waking more often and for longer - I think he was feeling rejected and abandoned and alone in the night, I could see that happening from an outside perspective and spoke to DH and we both made sure we were gentle and kind but firm if we went into him and the problem stopped - there can always be a middle ground if needed

Mum B

B mum. Always have been a B mum with mine. I still slip into DC3’s bed with him when I have a bad dream.

Mostly A but sometimes B. I’m of the slightly more stiff upper lip view that the ability to be resourceful and self-reliant is one of the best ways to equip a child to face whatever life throws at you from an early age, but within a stable and loving environment of course. If either of my two (now teens) were, or indeed are in need of extra reassurance and hugs I’m happy to supply until they are satisfied. But I wouldn’t have put up with being mum B every night as I have a life and needs of my own!!

Oh god that poem 🤦‍♀️🤮😂

My youngest doesn't go to sleep till about midnight due to ADHD - I can't actually imagine even being awake myself at that point, let alone being willing to lie with him and listen to him talking bollocks about Fortnite.

B

B if it's a one off as I would wonder if there was something worrying them if they normally went to bed alone without issue.

A if it became a habit and there didn't seem any underlying reason.

Always Mum B.

He’s 13 now and still asks me to lie with him while we have a chat and a cuddle, and I’ll do it as long as he wants me to.

Mum B always

Mum A but Mum B when child is poorly or upset by something.

Mum knows best. that's you. You know best for your child.
DD(15) has fond memories of me falling asleep in her bed.
It's a nicer thing to hear at this stage 'I loved it when you used to lie down next to me in bed'. Much better than 'I always wanted a cuddle from you to help me sleep, but you always said no'.

Ooh unpopular opinion but I'm mum A. Started off hippy breast feeding co sleeping parent. At 4 months in his own cot sleep trained which is ongoing at 2.5. Once bedtime routine is over, he's in his cot. Might get up and play or chat away to himself but then goes back to bed alone. Every now and then might attention seek, ask for extra cuddles, stories ext. but it's back in bed with no talking or interaction. Once routine is over it's poker face on. Might change again as he gets older and need change.

When DS is somewhere new, eg on holiday or visiting with family, he sometimes asks me to stay with him until he falls asleep, and I do. But not at home, unless he’s ill. If he won’t go to bed easily at home, I will got back in to him when he calls but I just give him a quick kiss and cuddle and tell him to go to sleep. Sometimes repeatedly if he’s fallen asleep in the car when we’ve been out! He’s 4.5.

B.

DS normally goes straight to sleep so being mum A hasn’t caused any issues. Unlike several of my mum B friends who spend up to two hours a night trying to get their children to settle!

FWIW, I never played up after being put to bed as my parents Madeleine it clear it wasn’t an option. But I often woke with growing pains in my legs and went in to my mum, she would rub my legs better and give me a Minstrel from the packet she had in her top drawer, and tell me it was magical medicine. And we were always incredibly close as I grew up, right until she died. Being firm and setting boundaries doesn’t mean you’re not responsive to your child’s needs or that they will grow up without loving memories.

*made it clear. Why is autocorrect so random?