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Original poster

Your child asks you to lay with them...

247 replies

cjt110 · 30/05/2019 19:35

They are 4.5 years old. Usually self soothe to sleep but ask you to lay with them.

Do you be Mum A who insists they sleep on their own. Child gets upset and you feel like a massive shit for trying to stick to the "rules" that "they" set dow about self settling.

Or

Be Mum B which thinks "fuck what "they" think" and lays with your child with their bedtime music on, soothing them and letting them fall asleep cuddling you?

OP posts:
feebeecat · 30/05/2019 21:11

B. My mum was an A and I still remember it. Youngest is now 14, sometimes still wants a hug, fine by me.
Sometimes when you are tired and wrung out, you want to be an A, but actually, taking that step back, deep breath and just lying still can be really grounding.

Aridane · 30/05/2019 21:11

what an emotionally weighted and expressed question - defies anyone to say, hey, I'm Mum A!!

Raaaaaah · 30/05/2019 21:11

As Soyadora says it’s much harder to be Mum B if there are other children involved and no other parent/carer around. Of course if there is illness involved then they get cuddles.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

4 year olds Babies & sleep Children's sleep Families
stucknoue · 30/05/2019 21:12

They learn to go to sleep alone eventually (around 7 in our case) though dd has taken to sleeping in my bed some nights despite being an adult since h moved into the spare room, she says I need the cuddles (aka she is unsettled by it)

Kaddm · 30/05/2019 21:13

When mine were little, we just put both of them in with us.

It’s bizarre for books to suggest not comforting young.

BarrenFieldofFucks · 30/05/2019 21:15

Always B. The older two rarely need it now at nearly 9 and 7, youngest cuddled to sleep every night at 20 months.

adaline · 30/05/2019 21:16

Mum B.

My mum still came and tucked me in when I moved back home in my tweeties after a break up once! Nothing wrong with wanting some comfort and a hug from your mum.

I find it very odd that we expect tiny children to sleep alone in their rooms, but adults can share not only rooms, but beds every night.

MyBlueMoonbeam · 30/05/2019 21:21

B all the way

coffeehabit · 30/05/2019 21:22

B.

There's nothing better. Such a precious time.

Snowoctopus · 30/05/2019 21:23

Mum B definitely

DinosaurDress · 30/05/2019 21:24

Mine is 3. She self soothes til about 2am, then wanders in to me. I don't care. she'll eventually sleep on her own

ScrimshawTheSecond · 30/05/2019 21:25

B

isntthatslwaystheway · 30/05/2019 21:26

B - Every night Smile

Singlenotsingle · 30/05/2019 21:27

B every time.

MealyPotatoes · 30/05/2019 21:29

Mum B. Treasure those moments.

myhamster · 30/05/2019 21:31

I’m going to say A. I didn’t have time to stay with my child til she fell asleep. She had to learn that. I know someone who did and she had literally no time to herself after bedtime. I couldn’t do that as a single parent working full time.

However, after my divorce, she slept in my bed for well over a year. I still didn’t stay with her til she fell asleep though.

frogsoup · 30/05/2019 21:31

Sometimes I am wrung out and need my evening time. Sometimes I need to get back to work. Sometimes I'll lie there for a bit. Sometimes I'll lie there until she's asleep. Easy to say 'oh B for sure' but in reality I suspect most of us are a bit of a mix.

YouJustDoYou · 30/05/2019 21:33

It depends. When it's just me and one is vomiting and one hates that the vomiter is getting "special attention" because I'm sleeping on the floor next to their bed to make sure the vomiter is ok, then no. I can't. But if the child is just missing dad/had a bad dream etc, they know they can't always do it but of course they can come sleep in with me for a night.

EnidButton · 30/05/2019 21:37

Bertrand I must have pmt because you giving your big girl a cuddle to sleep has made me cry. ❤️

topcat2014 · 30/05/2019 21:37

Dad B. Rarely (but not never) happens with DD at 12.

Mind you, she was a good sleeper from about 2 months.

CassianAndor · 30/05/2019 21:37

Mum A, mainly. DD has always been a good sleeper but equally a horror at going to sleep. Any excuse to mess about a bit. So I might stay in her room for a bit but not in her bed.

We have lots of cuddles! Just not in bed after lights out.

Sammy867 · 30/05/2019 21:38

I am currently mum B at this exact moment. She’s almost off to the point I’m going to lay here a few more minutes but I’m never going to be mum A. I don’t know any adults that need a person to cuddle them to sleep for soothing so she’ll stop needing me when she’s ready and today she isn’t ready. I’ll look back one day and won’t remember the last time she asked me to cuddle to sleep and realise that stage is over but she will remember that when she asked something of me to help her feel better that I was there for her

EnidButton · 30/05/2019 21:42

As a non parent can I ask what 'self soothing' is? (Or I can just google but thought I'd ask)

My Dad was a definite A and I think my DM was an A mainly but I could have done with more B tbh. I was an anxious child.

Halo84 · 30/05/2019 21:44

I always cuddled with my children in their beds. The only one who wanted me to stay until he fell asleep was my youngest. He'd even come get me in the middle of the night if he woke up. Then, one day, he just stopped. He's grown, and doesn't even remember it now.

I am glad I always cuddled with him, and gave him security.

EnidButton · 30/05/2019 21:44

I might stay in her room for a bit but not in her bed.

Yes I think this is what my own dm did and bedtime stories were downstairs before going to bed. There was lots of tucking in and a bit of soothing chat though.