Your child asks you to lay with them...

[cjt110]

They are 4.5 years old. Usually self soothe to sleep but ask you to lay with them.

Do you be Mum A who insists they sleep on their own. Child gets upset and you feel like a massive shit for trying to stick to the "rules" that "they" set dow about self settling.

Or

Be Mum B which thinks "fuck what "they" think" and lays with your child with their bedtime music on, soothing them and letting them fall asleep cuddling you?

I am a mum B.
One day, OP, your DD will be too old to cuddle in bed and time goes by really fast.

Bedtime stories always in her bed, and I’d stay with her for a bit but if I’d cuddled her to sleep I could have been there for an hour and she would have snapped away whenever I tried to leave.

Snapped awake

B. Every time, whenever My now 11 yo needs it (a lot less and mail you at peak times like overtired, SATS, hormoner etc. Just had 5 days away at hotel together on holiday, and she asked to hold hands once in the night. So we did.)

Mum B.

I used to be Mum A, no question and no compromise.

Now, with limited time to enjoy my babies every night, I am Mum B. Please make the most of them. One day you might regret cherishing your adult time over their needs.

Definitely B if a one off. Especially if they are unwell or particularly upset.

They’re only small for such a short time. Before we know it, they won’t need us like that anymore and we’ll be longing for these days

Mum B as they are only young for such a short time.
Everyone would love to be Mum A but Mum B is better for everyone

Depends.

If it’s a one off thing, mum B, yes.

But not as a regular every night thing.
My 5 yr old would like me to be mum B every night, but I’ve also got a 7 yr old to put to bed.
I can’t be leaving the 7 yr old to his own devices every night for however long it takes the 5 yr old to fall asleep cuddling me. The 5 yr old gets 5 minutes and then he’s told I have to do his big brother’s bedtime.

The 5 yr old usually migrates to my bed sometime during the night though. It’s unusual for me to wake up without him snuggled up next to me.

I went through so much to have DS and waited so long for him, so I revel in being mum B. I don’t think i’d ever refuse him 😳🥰

cassian same here, always a story and cuddles but never til she fell asleep.

I thought I would add just for clarity sake that I lay with my babies, but not always until they sleep. Sometimes they want me out of the way for bugging them

Mum B every night for six years. Two kids and each of us takes a kid for a snuggle till they fall asleep. I don't buy the mum A stuff at all. We evolved to sleep with our kids. Any Mum A in cave person times would have ended up with no kids through predators, exposure, hypothermia etc.

Haven't read the whole thread but ...mostly mum B and my youngest is 12!!! It's not EVERY night but it's not for very long...

B
And dd is 20 and just went thru a nasty breakup and then a bug and I stayed with her then too 😂

I take the pee out of my 30 yr old gay buddy who still lives with ma and pa ... and then we laugh and laugh about dd doing the same ...

Mum B is better for everyone

Not always.

Two kids and each of us takes a kid for a snuggle till they fall asleep

What about 3 kids, a DH who works away a few nights a week and freelance work to do in the evenings?

Soy I'm in the same position. This thread is making me feel increasingly shit!

Don’t feel shit frogsoup. It’s not as black and white as some posters like to make out (not in my world anyway!).
I am an excellent mother to my children. I love and cherish and support them in numerous ways. I don’t always lie with them until they fall asleep when they ask, because for various reasons I can’t.

Mum B, always, mainly because it's not worth the bloody hassle and misery.

SOmetimes kids get lonely and want their mum. I don't get this "CHILDREN MUST ALVAYS SLEEP ALONE!!" nonsense, no other primate enforce that on their infants

B!!
They are fluid creatures and lying with them a few nights won't go on forever. My DC have not done anything they were supposed to.eg had one co sleeping for 2 year's ( special cot) went seamlessly to her own room.etx etc.

I'd never not provide comfort because some where someone's rules said I shouldn't

A, I am B if they ever wanted it but it’s been very rare

I did stay with ds4 who has asd till he fell asleep (and breastfed)until he was about 3.5 . I wouldn’t want to start doing that again every night though

Agree SoyDora, it’s not always possible to be mum B all the time for each child, even if you want to.

Most nights I’m doing bedtime for 3 DC by myself because of DH’s working hours. It’s simply not possible to snuggle each of them to sleep every night and get the older DC to bed at a sensible time.
And that’s without all the other stuff I need to catch up on once I get a bit of child free time.

Single mum here. Mum B although I sit with dd whilst she's falling asleep rather than cuddling her. She has often snuck into my bed at night and I have never had the heart to turn her away.

I was a B. 90% of the time I loved it and did it happily. 10% of the time I DID just want to go and flop on the sofa and watch something for me, and occasionally I got arsey about it. I massively regret that now (partly because it turns out DS REMEMBERS me being grumpy, he mentioned it in passing once!) and would give a lot to cuddle my small DCs to sleep again.

DS (10) is still very huggy and affectionate, but he doesn't need me at bedtime - just takes himself off

I'm Mum A at bedtime, DS1 is a nightmare for forming sleep associations and playing up at bedtime.
DS2 likes his space and loves sleep, so is never awake for long enough even for a cuddle. He literally lays down and is asleep instantly.

I'm Mum B in the night though. If they wake and are upset I bring them in with me for cuddles (they're 5 and nearly 7). I also can't function on broken sleep (M.E.), and I find that I get far more sleep with them in with us, than I would sat with them in their rooms for ages.