Your child asks you to lay with them...

[cjt110]

They are 4.5 years old. Usually self soothe to sleep but ask you to lay with them.

Do you be Mum A who insists they sleep on their own. Child gets upset and you feel like a massive shit for trying to stick to the "rules" that "they" set dow about self settling.

Or

Be Mum B which thinks "fuck what "they" think" and lays with your child with their bedtime music on, soothing them and letting them fall asleep cuddling you?

It entirely depends on whether I think my toddler actually needs me to or if he's at it to stay up later. It's usually pretty obvious which it is.
If he needs comforted then I give him comfort, if he needs me to go so he can actually go to sleep then I do (even if it's sometimes accompanied by whinging, he's usually asleep 5 minutes later).

I'm Mum B, always. My mum was & still is a Mum B and if mine think half of much of me as I do her I'll be happy x

I'd suspect that the dc might be coming down with something, and probably needed B.

I've had a shit time lately and my temper is short.

I've been nothing but snarky and felt like a real arsehole when he finally burst into tears after back and forth because all he wanted was me to lay with him. I somt remember the last time he asked me to do that

As punishment I am taking him to play gym hell tomorrow lol

Oh jeez I feel so mean, but definitely A. I'm a single mum and when I put her to bed at 7 I still have to cook and eat my evening meal and do my housework, hopefully leaving myself time for an hours sit down before bed. DD (2.9) does come through most nights into my bed in the middle of the night though so can have her cuddles then.

Erm B until he was about 6 then he wanted to sleep alone. Then B again when he’s ill and needs me, or very upset with something (12) and needs me.

Don’t see any weirdness in this at all.

I was a bit of both, wanted to be mum b, but my son got himself in to a routine from 3 months, however, when he was sick during the night he loved getting in to my bed for snuggles, he has been a good baby and fantastic son, now 18 and cooks dinner (from scratch, doesn't like "lazy dinners") I love him so so much, I've been blessed

Mum B.

We were a family of bed hoppers when my kids were that age.

I didn't care who slept where as long as everyone was happy and comfortable.

I have never had any bed time tears or problems at bedtime and they happily slept in their own beds all of the time eventually.

Mum B, never turn down a hug.

Mum A

I’m B. Every night as it happens because DC2 who is 8 is autistic and struggles to get to sleep by himself. It’s not bother to me.

B. Eldest liked their own room and space as did next. Then came 3 who couldn’t sleep alone ever - slept on siblings, dog, me anyone warm with a heart beat - would not sleep alone ever. As soon as they were able to walk (jump, swing, etc) nothing kept them in their room - ever and they were like a stealth ninja - all snuggled up like all night - didn’t even wake me - then others felt left out and clambered in - as do the youngest and all the dogs - I gave up - have a huge bed (came from the US and is custom made - it’s enormous!) with a large sofa at the bottom of the bed - which the children sat and had stories on when younger) back of sofa (4 seater) to the foot of the bed) and that’s it - all the children clamber in and all the dogs (3/4 of them depending how warm it is) we all sleep surprising well together - a big pile of children and labradors all snuggled up. Sometimes the children up in bed and dogs on sofa or vice versa or it’s random. We have lots of pillows, blankets etc and I can honestly say there is no fighting and everyone and every dog seems to hit the bed or sofa asleep. Kids are having a huge sleepover in lounge tonight with friends and are taking 3 dogs with them. My dog ‘eldest’ and I are having the whole huge bed on our own tonight and I can’t wait - I will stretch out and enjoy 😀. I wanted to be mum A and with first 2 they wanted to be mum A’s babies - I tried the same with number 3 but they weren’t having it. Had specialists out from hospital (lots of issues) but I think they were prem and tiny and couldn’t go in Moses basket for love nor money or specialist midwife! They had to sleep on someone and they still aren’t out of it yet and I can’t see a time when they are - they are addicted to cuddles and hugs 🤗 and I am now as well

B. But if it's every night and you can't cope, there are ways to gently wean them off it.

And if it wakes them up more having you there it also doesn't work very well.

Mum b because they wont ask for snuggles forever and it's worth getting as much as you can for as long as you can. Plus I think children learn to things on their own time and forcing them before they are ready just means tears for everyone.

Tried being mum A, but mum B works better for us all, and mines 6!

B. Always B. I could never be A. DS is 11.

Also have a 4.5yr old, every night a little voice pipes up asking me to lay with them.

Every night I squash in their bed and cuddle them. I bloody love it, I am certain it won't last for ever so I am enjoying it whilst it lasts :)

B ALWAYS

A because that's actually what's best for my nearly 4 year old - he needs consistency and he wouldn't sleep if I was in his room with him, he wouldn't be able to stop chatting! But I do go back and forth checking on him at increasing intervals until he's asleep - 5min then 10 etc, so he falls asleep happy knowing I'll be back to check on him soon. I think there's no one right way of doing things because it depends on your child.
Also DS2 has his bedtime second at the moment so he'd be a bit stuck if I were to lay down with DS1 when he went to bed - there can be lots of reasons why B might not always be best!

They won't be asking you to lay with them when they're 13.

My DD is 17 years old but sometimes she still needs me to lay down next to her and give her a hug. I will be Mum B as long as she needs me!

I was a mix of both. I found there was always a fuss if I said to DS 'we have to stop doing this now'. Didn't matter what it was, going to sleep, getting out of the bath, leaving the playground, he always hated being told he had to stop immediately.

However, if I gave him some warning, then the fuss was avoided.

I had a watch with an alarm on it, there were three alarms so I had one set at 4 minutes, one at 10 and one at 20, which gave me flexibility.

I would say, 'when my watch beeps you have to stop' and he was fine with that. He used to enjoy pressing the button to swift off the beeping alarm and it avoided a huge amount of upset and fuss.

so he had fun pressing the buttons to start the countdown, pressing the

I’m Dad B every night, we had almost an hour of cuddles tonight as we’re on holiday so it is a bit strange for him.

B all the way. My eldest DS is 14 and I'd still lie with him if that's what he needed (and occassionally, even now, it is)

If ds wants me to cosy up with him at bedtime i do it til he says its okay to go to my bed. We say night night etc and he goes to sleep. I see no issue with it at all

Mum B for occasional cuddles. Mum A if asked regularly and there’s no reason for it (ie. illness, extra tiredness, distressed etc)