Your child asks you to lay with them...

[cjt110]

They are 4.5 years old. Usually self soothe to sleep but ask you to lay with them.

Do you be Mum A who insists they sleep on their own. Child gets upset and you feel like a massive shit for trying to stick to the "rules" that "they" set dow about self settling.

Or

Be Mum B which thinks "fuck what "they" think" and lays with your child with their bedtime music on, soothing them and letting them fall asleep cuddling you?

Mum B, obviously, but with a Mum A proviso that's I'm staying for 'just 5 minutes' (ends up being 15!)

Mum B always. I am assuming you mean he wanted you to lie with him after his bedtime story so if you wanted some me time I would understand.

In between. I'd lay and cuddle for a bit but they'd need to then fall asleep on their own.

A, mainly because if I stay with her she just talks and talks and talks and talks. But also because I’m 45 and knackered and want some adult time after a long day at work. We have our snuggles in the morning instead and it’s my favourite bit of the day.

My kids generally get themselves to sleep.

In the occasions when they ask, I find being mum a makes them worse, and bedtimes take 5x longer.

I usually don't stay until they are asleep, enough to settle them and work out what is bothering them.

I used to be mum a, and it caused so much stress on all sides.

Mum B - and I'm a dad.

Yes to Mum B. I treasure those cuddles! It's not every night, but sometimes they just need mum :)

A long time ago now but always B. It was astonishing when DS2 had chickenpox and his temperature went down when we lay together, as if it actually had a calming and analgesic effect. Unless you suspect lead-swinging, I'd say B every time.

I’m mum B. Every night with 3 year old ds. I cuddle him to sleep in our bed then Dh transfers him when he’s coming to bed. I love it and couldn’t give a shit what anyone else thinks

Mum B. Who are "they" anyway and what do "they" know about my child. I co-slept with my ds until 6 months. I kicked dd out of my bed at 6 weeks. Ds has never really wanted to sleep with me again (especially now that he's 18). Dd has come to sleep with me since she was 3 or 4 whenever she was upset and that didn't stop until just this year (she's 16!). Each child has their needs, but don't forget your needs too. You are of no use to your child if you are an emotional mess because your needs aren't getting met.

It is occasionally OK to be Mum A, to all those saying 'Mum B - all the time 💗💕💖'

Sometimes you have to be Mum A, and that's OK.

I hope people aren't feeling bad about that.

In the OP you said they usually go to sleep alone so this is a one-off. In which case I've no idea why anyone would be an A.

Bit of both really, if they needed a cuddle they got one, but then left to go to sleep. I’ve got two brill sleepers now, they’ve always been put back in bed after a cuddle to go to sleep.

Aged 14 I remember being awake at night tearful because I'd been given the date for us moving to the other end of the country. My mum lifted the covers and pulled me into her bed. Over twenty years later, with my mum no longer here, I remember feeling so loved and protected. She was a truly brilliant mum.

Mum B, it always gives me an early night too cos I nod off with them

I'm Mum B. I get into bed with DS every night (4.10). We read a story / stories, have a bit of a chat and then I cuddle him to sleep. I love this time with him. I'll miss it when he's older and doesn't want to do it!

I'd try to get them to self-settle, for 15 mins or so, but then I'd go and lay with them.
Have the occasional blip with DC who is a good few years older than 4.5, and do try to suggest self-settling, but when it's past 10pm and everyone's tired, it's easier to just go with whatever will work quickest, which is usually DC in my bed.

doesn't matter how old, does it? sometimes I need someone and I am 45, not 4.5.

weird question!

Mum B, I love it when my almost 4 year old asks me to lie with her

A bit of both to be honest. I have three DC, aged 5, 3 and 5 months. DH works away regularly. I can’t possibly be mum A to all of them, all of the time. Sometimes I have to say ‘no I can’t lie down with you, I need to sort the baby’. Sometimes for my own sanity I have to be mum A. Sometimes I have to be mum A for the sake of my child, as I know they won’t actually sleep with me in their bed and need consistency.
If they’re under the weather, or upset about something then I will try to be mum B where possible.

Mum B, always.
To all those who have commented that they're only little, it won't last forever, well may I introduce my perfectly well rounded but still partial to falling asleep having a cuddle with mum ds

A normally. I've got three of them close in age.Would cause ww3 otherwise and I would go insane. Mine have all been high octane kids by evening I have had enough.

When they were little I would read at least 3 stories, followed by 3 songs and lots of cuddles and kisses. But I needed my evenings to chill out and see DH.

Now when they are ill or DH is away they take turns sharing my bed (even 13 year old!)

Usually Mum A. But if there is a special reason and they are having a tough time, Mum B (even recently though DS is now late teens!)

I’m mum B, always have been and still am after 5 DDs. Could be why I’m lying here with 3 out of 5 asleep next to/on me currently! DH is with the baby and DD2 is sleeping in her bed.

Mum B