Do you have problems? Would you like to hear solutions?

[pineapplebryanbrown]

Hello - this is the advice clinic, please come in. We are a team of untrained but experienced kindly Agony Aunts. There's no judgement here, even if you are a filthy, drunken old slag.

Tope has been doing her thing for the beeb

Just catching up on the thread and sniggering at Pooter's tugging on lengths

I can't, I'm too busy watching a Ted Bundy film starring Billy Campbell. Billy is yum yum and apparently lives in Copenhagen, he will have to be captured.

Well rag it won't work unless you give a little tug every so often.

thigh I would have nightmares watching late night killers!

Lonewolf Hello and hurrah!!

Thigh I am going to escape tomorrow (after a few more free dinners and a couple of breakfasts) and capture him for you.

I will sit in a bush outside his house with a man-sized net and a stun-gun so as soon as he ventures outside ... WALLOP! Back of the net and proceed directly to my basement!

Ps. Speaking of my basement can anyone enlighten me as to why it smells of human remains? i never remember stuff but it might be because I ate a spicy bean burger and then popped down there to trump in case the whole living room blew up?

DT we've killed so many people, I can't remember all of them but off hand there was a geography teacher, Esben (snore) plus Mads Mikkelsen. Plus that's where we've kept the various organ buckets. Plus, do you do little voms in the basement so cats bum face DH doesn't realise how much you drink?

DT have you been watching The Golden State Killer and Child Killer, Michigan Murders - both doc series. Both vg.

Oh god yeah I forgot about the sneaky sick!! That'll be it, i don;t remember any of those dead bodies! In fact Esben was sooo boring i've forgotten that whole episode!!

I also forgot I have the organ bucket, I think I'll put it in the freezer now. That might seem extreme OCD type hygiene, but I just cannot have it smelling of trump unless I have trumped and know it!!

I have been watching a thing on Huntley! He looked a bit 'greasy'! Not sure how he will pass for a laydee in prison. Hope it backfires and he gets bummed to death where he is!

He is on my list of pathetic weirdos that are getting it (once I get round to it!)

OMT have you SEEN the new Boots ad (on actual telly)?

It goes like this ' Thigh's coming out!!' I thought you were already out as a benign/malevolent, murderous, bisexual, asexual, slag of a gardener Thigh so what on earth else are you coming out with now?

Is this to raise fundz?

If so, I also wish to come out as a clap-riddled whore of an insane slag who is also both welcoming and weaponised in equal measure.

So who is payrolling this 'coming out' shizz?

Fuck me Dangly (£5) - what else can I come out as? Do I have any secrets left? Am I so repressed that there more to me than meets the Thigh?

Oh isn't Huntley a twat? If anyone needs a biro in the eye it's him, imagine him mincing along A Wing in a frock whilst getting bum raped. There, that's cheered me up.

Xcccuse me!! Thigh do not ever again put my brand next to £5 per hour!

I need at least min wage and all of Projects input towards my living which is very basic tbf!

Anyhoo, that aside, I will personally volunteer to get myself transferred to a prison where IH may occup,y and then do my biro ting! (which is of course 'thing' in our age group!)

Oh you misunderstand me DT that's my rate for an all-nighter. Or I'll do stuff for 10 fags.

Oh I see! Sorry Thigh so when shall we get incarcerated with IH and biro him?

I'll pay the 10 fags! Also I know a man who can get fags cheap, I'll swap some really dirty shit for a years supply for you!

That way you can buy more weapons like biros!

DT really you need me to be on the outside topping up your crack and rum supplies. Could you shag all the psychiatrists and see if any of them are suitable as recruits? With one of them onside we could section anyone who irritates us.

Or - a better plan, steal the white coats so we can have the power we crave. BoJo needs sectioned pdq.

NDNs had a BBQ party yesterday, how I loathe their pleasantries. They had even more cheery children on the structure, climbing and enjoying themselves. I hope my climbing rose kills all of them and eats their climbing frame.

Morning everyone, there is too much for me to read it all and catch up, can't be arsed, anyone care to fill me in on the highlights?

I have had to change my identity slightly as you can see.

Th'morning TTT all you need to know is that I am incarcerated in the looney bin on a voluntary basis because the foods good and also Thigh supplies me with crack and sticky toffee pudding so what's not to love?

I am going to shag the psychiatrists in return for their white coats so that we can go round sectioning people like BoJo and also we want to find Ian Huntley so we can biro him in the eye!

At least i think that's the plan!

This all sounds perfect. Can Farage be sectioned too perhaps?

I feel hopeful that thighland is not a place where he would be welcome.

Is there a list for biroing in the eye? I have a few. Or was Ian H just part of the Ian killings?

We could only have him if he changes his ways to the Thighway!

But can a man ever change? I couldn't change Esben and now he smells of trump in the basement!

Actually his remains DID change! He never used to smell of trump!