Do you have problems? Would you like to hear solutions?

[pineapplebryanbrown]

Hello - this is the advice clinic, please come in. We are a team of untrained but experienced kindly Agony Aunts. There's no judgement here, even if you are a filthy, drunken old slag.

Crowdfunding!! Yes, we're a good cause!

But do we fit the profile, thigh ? I don't look very needy. I've spent the weekend unshrinking some cashmere sweaters. Funders would burn me at the stake.

How do you unshrink cashmere? Asking for a friend.

I feel needy, I want a robot lawnmower and a gun.

CP, i ruined a wool jumper the other day, can it be successfully unshrunk? It's gone quite small and felty. I've kept it as i thought the childers could make something from it. I can't imagine anyone wanting a thing made from a felty, shrunken, brown jumper, but thats what grandparents are for... receiving crap like that from their dgc.

I identify as needy therefore I am.

Mr Project just shouted at me for the crime of asking what he wants to do today. We’re both under stress from house/borstal-finding/work, but the correct response is just to put him under the patio now, right? I really hope so.

Ooh dear, just had to pause mid berry/porridge mix. I think I'm shitting out my soul.

thigh if you invented a robot chainsaw, to go with your robot vaccum and lawn mower, perhaps you could program it to 'go rogue' and chop down your neighbour's monstrosity.

Proj I'm surprised we've let him live this long. But here's another solution - walk away from all of them, don't forget our house money.

project it is just so easy, I wish I'd found out years ago!

First you need a frame. I made one out of two wire cooling trays taped together, and with towels wrapped and taped over. Obviously you have a final measurement in mind - measure an unshrunk garment and use that as a guide.

Make up a solution of cool water containing "no rinse" cashmere wash like Eucalan, or hair conditioner, in generous quantity. (I use Laundress cashmere wash but it's American and hard to find here.) Don't use detergent, you want to coat and relax the fibres.

Soak for an hour or so, lift out, gently squeeze in big towel. Pull garment over the frame. It will stretch! Pad out sleeves with rolled up towels. Tug the length until it seems about right, pin in place if you need to. Leave to dry! A final steaming is recommended.

OK suppose I should post in Housekeeping but I am happy to share!

Can I join you?

I have problems, and an arse, and I like rum but only if it’s spiced.

dog my DD1 has a beloved handknitted 1970s jumper with bell sleeves which her helpful/stupid husband put in the washing machine. She nearly divorced him, and has kept the jumper as a silent reproach. It would barely fit a child.

It did look quite felty and fuzzy, I think it's a wool and mohair mix. Yes, I have unshrunk it! I used large milk bottles to expand the sleeves. I really thought it wouldn't relax, but once on the frame it was obviously going to give, I kept tugging on the length as it dried.

tattoo welcome!

project stay strong!

Shit welcome. You do not have to have an arse or drink rum to join, but it probably helps, at least to start with.

Proj stay gone.

It's time your family learned your true value, the whores.

I am not in a band, but Optional Arse will be the name of my next album.

Hi oh mighty sage thigh. I had a nasty fall last week, cracked a rib and tore intercostal muscles. It hurts a lot. It even burst to fart. And advice please (apart from not eating beans & lentils)?

Tattoo that is brilliant! We should all know the name of our next album, just in case an opportunity presents. Why be caught unprepared? So we could carry a card like an organ donor card, next of kin details etc., but with a space to enter name of next album.

You've set me thinking now!

iklboo Sorry, but no hugs !

Thanks CP, i now need to weigh up how much i like my jumper vs how the unshrinking process sounds like more work than I'd hoped. Hmmm, i wonder if i could persuade the childers that this is a valuable life skill that they must master before they go forth into the world?

dog it would be a good project for them!

Project get yourself sectioned and come and stay here for a bit. It's brilliant!

There is plenty of sticky toffee pudding and crack in here now. In fact you can have a mix of both with custard!