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[pineapplebryanbrown]

Hello - this is the advice clinic, please come in. We are a team of untrained but experienced kindly Agony Aunts. There's no judgement here, even if you are a filthy, drunken old slag.

So catching up on thread and as far as I can work out

A) no one can leave the county or their mums get cross
B) Topiary has a very fluffy growler which got lost, possibly due to the fluffiness, but now it's reappeared and wants attention
C) everyone is drunk
D) everyone has the clap and or diseased penis pubic lice

Yes?

Johnny, sounds about right, but I'd like to remind you that TTT's fluffy growler had a twigs tangled up in it. Sounds even more unkempt than mine (no judgement).

Christ, that's nothing. I've had actual babies fall out of mine.

TTT Hurrah re cat return, I prayed to myself all day long

Re things falling out of fannies - I've decided to use mine as a panini press. It keeps my sandwiches jolly hot and also safe.

I haven't confirmed whether I am a thober thister - what made you think I was?

preg is just up the duff, she let her husband stuff her full of jizz and now she's paying the price. She waddles along with her tongue hanging out gasping for a barrel of rum and some relaxing crack cocaine.

Re the clap. As far as I'm aware it's only TL with the anal warts currently. She's a victim really of slagging it up with Uncle Quentin when she was searching for tinkers on Kirren Island. Probably was attempting to slag it up with the tinkers.

Proj thank fuck - we thought you were dead and we haven't finalised the insurance policy yet. We were worried about losing this mansion you are going to buy us.

Oh thorry Thigh I thought you were just choosing death by fags not by fags and booze which is an equally just adventure!

Johnny you have forgotten to include your thober thisters in your inventory!!

By the way we are all moving to near Dog in West Wales. It's cheap and we'll get a lot of bang for Proj's buck.

I have a new laptop which is a terrible cunt and won't do @ unless I cut and paste it from somewhere. How can I do the symbol with ctrl alt etc?

Re the clap: It sounds groovy and I think we should be digging it!

DT you know I'm a thober thister after the Mikhail Baryshnikov / red wine debacle. I have indeed chosen death by fags - I have no wish to grow so old that I need to be spoonfed and be unable to wipe my own arse. This is my own Dignitas.

Thigh are you still looking for £££ making ideas for Thighland? Because if so, may I say that a Punani Press is a genius idea.

I can fit several med-sized calzones in mine since the twins.

God sorry Dangly? Although, can you not be drunk on Oolong?

Hi johnny !

Dog, dangly and frown are incubating a new strain of clap that will get them a no-questions-asked sick note when they present at the local GUM clinic. They will be quarantined back at dangly's sanatorium while waiting for project's house purchase to go through. Frown's mum will not be allowed to visit, for Health and Safety reasons, but of course the Thisters will be bussed in twice a day on TTT's tractor.

Thigh, Lido and I will be on the Rota for the tea trolley. We will march along singing Temperance Songs to encourage wholesome habits, while dispensing snax and the drink which Refreshes But Does Not Inebriate

I have just found biscuits which I hid from myself! It's like being my own secret Santa! Huzzah.

Happy to patent the punani press - I'll do footlong subs in mine. Extra filling.

Poot do we have to wear Salvation Army uniforms? Could you run some up from slankets? Should we be singing "'Pack Up Your Troubles in Your Old Kitbag?'"

Fun fact: that song was the result of a winning entry in a competition for a cheery song for the soldiers in the trenches. The chap who wrote it killed himself the next month.

Johnny no no no no apparently 4 people are sober but I haven't quite tracked down these deviants as yet.

Frown the thober thister actually told you she was a couple of days ago

But thislido said that she wasn't. And thigh said that she was.

I think you're all conspiring to confuse me and playing tricksy.

We've been having secret meetings about you.

Speaking of which where the fuck is Cat - has that bastard been kidnapped again? I ordered a dog from her.

I keep watching a dog on the Battersea website, poor lad has been there ages. I must not get another dog, Sheep would be happy about it but Parrot is still pissed off that I got Sheep - 4 years ago.

Oooh have you got a parrot? Always wanted one.

What does it say?

Is cat prone to being kidnapped? And by whom?

I was only kidnapped once but reverse kidnapped myself quickly, conquered the island and became ruler of my domain and dispensed my largesse to all, apart from Interlopers. However, I'm growing weary of sulking fuckboys, defending my realm from Interlopers and miss BastardCatv1.0. All subsequent versions of BastardCat lack his bloodlust and satanic demeanour. Sigh.

Hurrah for the return of TopiaryCat.

MrsCat I can take over the fuckboys in paradise if you’re tired of them?

Since it worked with the house sale, can I ask for some cabal magik on the house purchase? I’ve seen a dilapidated place with enough rooms for us all to live in without ever meeting each other. But there has been a lot of interest and there are developers after it. And our buyer seems to be getting a bit wobbly now too. I need cabal vibes to keep this thing going!

I think I followed that. Back story must be on thigh v.18.0.

cat we all have our crosses to bear...I'm slightly hesitant to ask but what are fuckboys...?