Do you have problems? Would you like to hear solutions?

[pineapplebryanbrown]

Hello - this is the advice clinic, please come in. We are a team of untrained but experienced kindly Agony Aunts. There's no judgement here, even if you are a filthy, drunken old slag.

TTT any cat news? I'd put my dogs on the case but they're Jack Russells (cunts where cats are concerned).

Sending cat homing echolocational thibes.

I've been thinking about Proj. Either she's bored of us (although she vowed her dangerous and special love to Thighland so unlikely), has been locked away or is staying away until she's bought a new house for her "real" family with our house money.

DT Most Evil 10pm Quest Red.

Oh fuck, is that the time.

Didn't proj start a new job? Probably too busy for us, or was that someone else??
No cat news, I am heading out soon with a torch. I heard that cats might come out when it's quiet. It's horrible. She hardly leaves the house.

Oh TTT how worrying. I once read a piece by Phillipa Perry about her cat, which disappears for days at a time and has, so far, always come back. I'm not sure my heart would take that. What sort of area are you in, would it be worth putting up posters? And checking with local vets just in case someone has brought her in?

You could ask for advice on the Litter Tray board, but you will have to brace yourself for the barmy hardcore who think cats shouldn't be allowed outside, or shouldn't be allowed outside at night.

Proj had an idea for a new job, I can't remember what she did about it. Someone else - Rag? got a new job and they kept expecting her to go back every day. I hope she's surviving.

Well you've got a better class of holiday recommended there, Thigh. The algorithms must know about our thriendship.

Yes, it was Rag.

TTT any update on puddy cat?

Yes TTT , any news?

Ok. Whilst we're awaiting news on TTTopcat --->

Advice clinic - since husband is working abroad I'm going to stay with a friend for a few weeks half way across the country, my mother is weeping and wailing at the thought of her likkle baby (filthy drunken old slag. You and me too dog, you and me too) being away for two weeks. 4 phone calls already this morning.

How do I pacify said mother?

How often do you normally see or speak to her? I come from the opposite kind of family, nothing seems to have disappointed my mother more than my failure to live abroad for a while.

Hoping for cat news soon!

Frown maybe you could try reverse psychology, become really needly and ring your mum all fucking day long, like literally as soon as phone goes down ring her again and say you've thought of something else ( until she looks at her phone and thinks 'Oh holy fuck its her again' and stops answering!

This is a huge chore and tedious to do in the first place but two days in of really bothering her and you might ensure your freedom for the rest of your time away!

DT I like your thinking there, devious. All babies will be named after you hence forth. Bangs gavel.

Dangly that is excellent advice!

Frown it is nice to be needed but that sounds a bit much!

@thislido sounds like we're on the reverse end of the spectrum - both are bad. I'll try to see mum this week to reassure her but she drives me berserk, I'm only going to be away for 2 weeks. On the plus side I'll catch up with old friends, hurrah!!

Frown introduce your mum to Thighland.

Aw, I love it when you @ me. Makes me feel needed. Apologies for absence, there has been unpleasantness (work, house sale, funeral )

Nice to meet you frownette. I have a needy mother and I can confirm that terrifying her with your unblinking attention is a good wheeze.

TTT sending vibes for safe return of the cat.

Sorry about the funeral, Proj. And the rest.

Frown at the time my mum was probably right about going abroad. They are not in any way needy parents at the moment, I live 100 miles away and phone them once a week. Long may it last, but I’m sure they will need more practical help at some point, and I have no idea how we’ll manage that, but I guess we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.

Do you normally see her a lot? Otherwise I can’t see what difference you being away makes?

How do you do, proj! Sorry about life unpleasantness :( Everything can catch up too much at times.

@thislido she's unhappy that I'll be leaving the County for two weeks, you'd think that I'd announced I was off to outer space! She thinks I might not come back Yeah it's tricky with ageing parents, you don't know what will happen

She is home! Praise the Thigh! We went out and when we got back she was there!! Sticks all stuck in her mass of fur but alive and well. She has been shouting ( meowing) at me ever since and I would love to know what she is tying to say but thanks to whoever magicked her home.

I think we can conclude from all the unpleasantness of real life that thighland is an easier and more pleasant option. A place where we can be free from all guilt, sadness and judgement. Long live Thigh!

Massive virtual hugs to the Proj.

Yayyyyy!!!