My husband cheated on me last night

[WifeOfCheater]

NC’d but a regular poster

Been married 10 years, 2 kids, mortgage and happy marriage where nothing more than a few arguments have happened.

Husband went out to watch football yesterday - a rare occurrence he doesn’t often drink so I knew he’d be three sheets to the wind.

He FaceTimed me at 10.30 pissed as a fart telling me how beautiful I am and that he loves me. Not unusual, he gets soppy when drunk. But then he started telling me about a girl who’d pursued him all night and offered to take him back to hers for a shag. She was 17, two weeks off her 18th birthday apparently. I said why are you telling me this, I hope you told her no, and he stayed quiet and said he was getting a taxi home, and laid it on thick with the “I love you” and compliments.

While I was waiting for him to come home I had a sick feeling and knew something wasn’t right. When he got back I asked him if he did anything with that girl. I fully expected him to say “no of course not” because I didn’t think for a moment he’d cheat on me. But he confessed she gave him a blow job down the side of a furniture shop.

I feel sick. The fact she’s 17 - less than half his age - makes my skin crawl. What kind of man is he?! He has ruined everything. And to make it worse DD (6) had D&V so whilst he was getting a blow Job from a teenager I was mopping up sick and shit from the bathroom.

He said it was a one off, just a blow job and not emotional and he doesn’t see it as proper cheating. I think it makes it worse he used some poor girl for just her mouth. I can almost see an emotional affair would’ve been worth the risk of our marriage but not this. He says he deeply regrets it(!)

He’s still in (spare) bed, no doubt won’t remember anything and all I’ve done is cry. I haven’t slept, I’m in the bedroom while the kids watch a film downstairs, sobbing and hoping they don’t see me.

I can’t leave, he’s self employed and hasn’t been doing too well lately financially so we’ve dipped into our savings and they’re gone. I have no family around (he does). I do have a flat I rent out and the tenants are moving out in 3 weeks so I’m going to say he can live there.

I’m utterly heartbroken. He’s ruined everything. I wish this wasn’t happening and I genuinely never ever thought he’d do this to us. And with such a young woman, makes me think he’s just a predatory creep

[Clean123]

Wow you really are great in getting everything moving forward. It's refreshing to see a strong woman, maybe your 'friend' envies you for doing what she wouldn't be able to do. What has it actually got to do with your friend?! Yes she was both of your friend but she wasn't in your relationship, how rude and cheeky of her! How could she actually take it upon herself to fall out with you! This is all him! Don't let her or your husband get into your head so you have the self doubt and start questioning yourself, although i don't think you would anyway! I can imagine how much you have cried from your friend etc just keep going, one foot infront of the other, block them out of getting under your skin, you are doing the right thing. Strong strong strong thoughts!

[BumandChips]

I’m sorry your friend is being so shit. And equally sorry he thinks you can just get over it. I mean WTAF? You’re doing fantastically, you really are.

[FiremanKing]

Your friend is a fool. She probably has been cheated on and allowed her partner to wipe his dirty feet in her which is why she is being mean to you because it makes her feel better if other women are as foolish as her in relationships.

[alligatorsmile]

To me, though, the very fact that what he did was "just" a one-off makes it worse. To know that he was prepared to throw away his wife and kids on something so small. The more he (and others) minimise what he did, the clearer the picture you have of how much he values you and the kids. So it was "nothing" - does that mean you and the children are less than nothing?

I think PPs are right - he's a spineless weasel who'd already checked out and was looking for an exit strategy where you could be cast in the role of nasty ex and him in the role of harshly treated victim. Pathetic.

[BumandChips]

I can’t believe you’re the one being blamed for ending the marriage. 🙄

[Chucklecheeks1]

@Bumandchips my exh told the children it was my fault he didnt live at home anymore and I'd broken the family. No mention of his affair. His family followed his lead.

[Chucklecheeks1]

Its easier to blame someone else than accepting any responsibility for the pain and heartache caused.

[jackstini]

Well done for keeping your resolve and being strong enough to move forward

Good luck with telling the DC this weekend
Have you planned out what you will/won't say?

[NarcissistMum]

No you

[GummyGoddess]

Well, if neither she or her husband have cheated she's just given him the green light to do so. She's an idiot.

[Newnewnewnames]

You're a strong woman and great mum, op.
Keep on keeping on. The hard bit is just beginning, but in two years you'll have older, healthy children and more great friends.
Be rid of the sht one - it happens to most of us

[FromDespairToHere]

I also had a similar "friend" - when I split from my verbally abusive ex her only concern was the holiday that we had booked as two couples. We're not friends anymore, I have nicer friends now!

[EKGEMS]

Your stbexh is a spineless coward who doesn't have half the balls you have! Ignore the counterfeit friend she's an ignorant cult,much like a few posters on here to be fair! The road ahead will be hard but not as hard as living with a motherfucker who can get head from a teenager in an alley! I also find it terrible he was so fucking petty to take the tv your children used. Good luck and best wishes.

[ptumbi]

I also had a 'friend' like this. As soon as I wanted to split from my DH (no abuse, just moved apart in every way) she cut me dead. It was like I was only validated by a man.

I don't miss her.

KOKO OP. He is obviously checked out of the marriage.

[NarcissistMum]

Sorry, I started posting then my phone went mental.
No, you didn't ruin everything, he did. I once had a candid talk to a guy I worked with, who was a serial adulterer. He said that The hardest lie he ever told was the first one. After then, all the fear went. He told me from an adulterers perspective 'If a man lies to you the first time, with each passing lie its easier and easier. That's why if DH did that to me it would be over; no question.

[Stillneedwillpower]

@WifeOfCheater, I've followed your thread from the start , and I'm in awe of how you're handling things. You will probably hit a wall at some point though, so please don't be surprised.

I hope you're doing ok still?

[DoctorDread]

My ex-dp was a serial liar. He said the same as the pp who said the first lie is the hardest. I found out and forgave him because it was so ridiculously innocuous but it showed him a chink in my armour and the lies got bigger and eventually he nearly destroyed me with them.

I won't tolerate lies now because of that very reason.

[MummaofFurGirls]

How are going @wifeofcheater?

[alligatorsmile]

How are you doing, OP?

[despairingwife]

Did this thread die? I have been wondering about the OP.

[Theoldwoman]

How are you getting on OP?

[Lorddenning1]

She might of given him another chance

[Hecateh]

I don't think my son would do this - although clearly I don't know. I am pretty sure however, if he did, he would blame the girl, the drink, his partner anything rather than himself.

I would have him back here long enough for his partner to change the locks and get things moving on the divorce front and then I would be chucking him out strongly encouraging him to leave too.

Keep strong @WifeofCheater. We are all behind you.

[WifeOfCheater]

Hello everyone!

Sorry for going AWOL. Been a mad few weeks, lots happened.

I haven't gone back to him. I have been off work for a while as I keep having panic attacks. So I also haven't met again with my solicitor but I do intend to press ahead with the divorce. I am taking things slowly after my initial rush of infuriation. It hasn't been easy for me or the kids, but I have no interest in going back to him. The fact he's been a total bastard these last few weeks has certainly helped.

He has moved in with a friend, he has his own room and a room for the children while he looks for somewhere else.

We told the children together some weeks ago. 2yo obviously didn't understand but 6yo did and is distraught. They ask where he is every day I am crippled with guilt. Family and friends have been surprised - some supportive, some not so much. I am lucky enough to have a good couple of friends who had been my rocks. My mother thinks I should take him back 🙄 I have just told people what he did, I am not lying for anybody.

I was worried because I thought he'd fight to take the children off me..what a waste of worrying that was. He has arranged had them every weekend, and every single weekend since he moved out his mum's (so has not had any help or anyone waiting on him) he has called me on the evening of day one saying I will have to come and pick them up, they're too difficult and they're crying/having a tantrum/won't do as they're told. I've obliged because I don't want to leave them with him when he's in a foul mood, but I won't be doing it every weekend. He's realised that he only ever got the easy side of parenting and the nitty gritty that I do every sodding day isn't easy, and that proper parenting is more than just tickling them and saying "no" occasionally. He is using their "behaviour" as a stick to beat me with - apparently they were perfectly well behaved until he was out the picture

I am doing OK financially, I have had tax credits increased (our area hasn't switched to UC yet though) and he has been paying me a consistent amount of maintenance since he left.

However, it appears that he didn't pay a parking fine because I returned home from taking DS to the park the other day to find a clamp on my car. An enforcement agent had been round and I wasn't in so he clamped it. DH had ignored letters (for clarity it was his car in his name the ticket was issued to but because my car was on the drove that's what this bloke clamped). I had to prove that it wasn't Ex's, that he moved out and it's in my sole name. The enforcement agent was a total prick and refused to take it off until 2 days later (I am making a complaint). I had to get a taxi to pick DD up from school and borrow a friend's car. But ex was very laissez-faire about paying the fine because they added collection fees onto it. I'm not sure if he's paid it but it just illustrates how little he gives a toss about me now.

The panic attacks got so frequent I had to be signed off work. I'm not great health wise but I am muddling through and I'm confident I made the right decision. Thank you all again for your support I can't tell you what it's meant to me xx

[Bwekfusth]

Hi @WifeOfCheater ! You're doing fabulously by the sounds of things, hope his knob falls off :)