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My husband cheated on me last night
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WifeOfCheater · 13/05/2019 08:26

NC’d but a regular poster

Been married 10 years, 2 kids, mortgage and happy marriage where nothing more than a few arguments have happened.

Husband went out to watch football yesterday - a rare occurrence he doesn’t often drink so I knew he’d be three sheets to the wind.

He FaceTimed me at 10.30 pissed as a fart telling me how beautiful I am and that he loves me. Not unusual, he gets soppy when drunk. But then he started telling me about a girl who’d pursued him all night and offered to take him back to hers for a shag. She was 17, two weeks off her 18th birthday apparently. I said why are you telling me this, I hope you told her no, and he stayed quiet and said he was getting a taxi home, and laid it on thick with the “I love you” and compliments.

While I was waiting for him to come home I had a sick feeling and knew something wasn’t right. When he got back I asked him if he did anything with that girl. I fully expected him to say “no of course not” because I didn’t think for a moment he’d cheat on me. But he confessed she gave him a blow job down the side of a furniture shop.

I feel sick. The fact she’s 17 - less than half his age - makes my skin crawl. What kind of man is he?! He has ruined everything. And to make it worse DD (6) had D&V so whilst he was getting a blow Job from a teenager I was mopping up sick and shit from the bathroom.

He said it was a one off, just a blow job and not emotional and he doesn’t see it as proper cheating. I think it makes it worse he used some poor girl for just her mouth. I can almost see an emotional affair would’ve been worth the risk of our marriage but not this. He says he deeply regrets it(!)

He’s still in (spare) bed, no doubt won’t remember anything and all I’ve done is cry. I haven’t slept, I’m in the bedroom while the kids watch a film downstairs, sobbing and hoping they don’t see me.

I can’t leave, he’s self employed and hasn’t been doing too well lately financially so we’ve dipped into our savings and they’re gone. I have no family around (he does). I do have a flat I rent out and the tenants are moving out in 3 weeks so I’m going to say he can live there.

I’m utterly heartbroken. He’s ruined everything. I wish this wasn’t happening and I genuinely never ever thought he’d do this to us. And with such a young woman, makes me think he’s just a predatory creep

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motherhoodisaministry · 11/10/2020 07:17

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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Rhynswynd · 27/07/2019 12:54

Checking in on you OP. How are you and the children doing?

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MummaofFurGirls · 25/06/2019 08:12

How are you going @WifeOfCheater

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letsdolunch321 · 16/06/2019 18:48

Hi OP,

Sorry to read what a major selfish bastard fucker your stbexh has been.
it is good to read that day to day you are coping apart from the stress of panic attacks.

You have done well re getting stuff sorted and a health check on the cards.

You sound lovely and kind, none of this mess was your doing.

I was in your shoes 9yrs ago this May just gone. Stay strong, it is bloody tough crossing different hurdles - you will get there. Hugs to you and the children 💐

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GummyGoddess · 16/06/2019 14:54

Your poor children, they must know that he doesn't want them if he's constantly calling you to give them back. I'm also feeling bad for you as you aren't getting a break, can you go incommunicado while he has them for a good 8 hours or so?

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easterholidays · 16/06/2019 12:44

I think you're doing so well, OP. I don't think I've commented on your thread but I've been reading and I'm in awe of how clear-headed and brave you've been. Your kids may have a feckless dad but you more than make up for it. Flowers

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WifeOfCheater · 16/06/2019 09:09

So brings he joy of Father's Day! You'll all be proud of me I did fuck all for him (the kids have made cards at school and nursery but I didn't buy a card or present). They came back to me again yesterday as he had them from 10am and by 3pm they were "driving him nuts" because he was trying to help his friend paint the living room Hmm I'm starting to feel very resentful, and actually now quite worried in case anything happens to me he'd be useless as a full time parent. At least he isn't trying to fight for full custody, every cloud!

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MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 14/06/2019 15:26

Flowers
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Dowser · 14/06/2019 11:49

What a warrior you are op.
Well done.
It doesn’t surprise me that he’s finding lone parenting tough. Unless they’ve been totally hands on dads...they will do

If he starts getting abusive or difficult with the children ..there’s some excellent fb support groups
Just saying...

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Rhynswynd · 14/06/2019 10:48

I have just read the full thread. Wow. You are an amazing woman. Your strength has been inspirational to read and it will help your children through any hard days.

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AllOverIt · 14/06/2019 05:43

You sound amazing. Have so much respect for you. Sorry to hear about the panic attacks. Look after yourself

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Madonnaslonglostbeautyspot · 14/06/2019 04:15

Stay strong OP. You’ve done the right thing xxx

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Outonthefloor · 13/06/2019 23:42

You’re certainly going through the wringer at the moment ☹️ but you will come out the other side.
Stick at it and take care of yourself. You’ve already proved how strong you are.
Flowers

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greenwaterbottle · 13/06/2019 16:25

Oh bless you, I'm glad you're doing ok.
She will get used to it, it'll become her new norm although dad might have to engage more for her to understand it all. Let her get away with it while you're off, then you might have to get tougher.

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Graphista · 13/06/2019 02:36

You're doing so well!

Glad you've support from some quarters, sad you haven't got it from all quarters.

The kids will settle down, it's new to them too.

He needs to get a grip and step up on the parenting side of things! Just goes to show how much he was getting away with when you were still together which makes it even more right that you've split.

And well done too for telling people the truth of why - bet he hated that?!

It does get easier. You're doing amazing.

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babyno5 · 12/06/2019 17:51

It's important for you to have some time out so don't ever feel guilty. I've been a single mum twice-once with one and once with 3 and it's blooming tough but it does get easier.
Your daughter will be fine and it's just her way of trying to stay close to you. My parents divorced when I was 7 and I can remember wanting to be stuck to my mum! It passes and the divorce didn't do me any lasting damage. Kids are more resilient than we give them credit for xx

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WifeOfCheater · 12/06/2019 17:41

Thank you both.

I have to say I really needed this time off. I've sorted lots in terms of opening new sole bank accounts, taking ex's name off bills etc and just having time away from the kids - as much as I love them it is hard when it's just me and them. Plus DD's attitude stinks at the moment (completely understandable but difficult to cope with nonetheless) and she has been lying about being sick in the toilet at school so she can come home. I'm hoping that her young age will be on her side here and that separated parents will become a norm.

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babyno5 · 12/06/2019 17:24

@WifeOfCheater good to hear from you. You are doing amazing even if it doesn't feel like it at times!! Use the time off work to really look after yourself-be your own best friend.
We're all still here for any support that you need. Sending love and hugs to you and your children xx

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Bwekfusth · 12/06/2019 17:16

Hi @WifeOfCheater ! You're doing fabulously by the sounds of things, hope his knob falls off :)

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WifeOfCheater · 12/06/2019 16:56

Hello everyone!

Sorry for going AWOL. Been a mad few weeks, lots happened.

I haven't gone back to him. I have been off work for a while as I keep having panic attacks. So I also haven't met again with my solicitor but I do intend to press ahead with the divorce. I am taking things slowly after my initial rush of infuriation. It hasn't been easy for me or the kids, but I have no interest in going back to him. The fact he's been a total bastard these last few weeks has certainly helped.

He has moved in with a friend, he has his own room and a room for the children while he looks for somewhere else.

We told the children together some weeks ago. 2yo obviously didn't understand but 6yo did and is distraught. They ask where he is every day Sad I am crippled with guilt. Family and friends have been surprised - some supportive, some not so much. I am lucky enough to have a good couple of friends who had been my rocks. My mother thinks I should take him back 🙄 I have just told people what he did, I am not lying for anybody.

I was worried because I thought he'd fight to take the children off me..what a waste of worrying that was. He has arranged had them every weekend, and every single weekend since he moved out his mum's (so has not had any help or anyone waiting on him) he has called me on the evening of day one saying I will have to come and pick them up, they're too difficult and they're crying/having a tantrum/won't do as they're told. I've obliged because I don't want to leave them with him when he's in a foul mood, but I won't be doing it every weekend. He's realised that he only ever got the easy side of parenting and the nitty gritty that I do every sodding day isn't easy, and that proper parenting is more than just tickling them and saying "no" occasionally. He is using their "behaviour" as a stick to beat me with - apparently they were perfectly well behaved until he was out the picture Hmm

I am doing OK financially, I have had tax credits increased (our area hasn't switched to UC yet though) and he has been paying me a consistent amount of maintenance since he left.

However, it appears that he didn't pay a parking fine because I returned home from taking DS to the park the other day to find a clamp on my car. An enforcement agent had been round and I wasn't in so he clamped it. DH had ignored letters (for clarity it was his car in his name the ticket was issued to but because my car was on the drove that's what this bloke clamped). I had to prove that it wasn't Ex's, that he moved out and it's in my sole name. The enforcement agent was a total prick and refused to take it off until 2 days later (I am making a complaint). I had to get a taxi to pick DD up from school and borrow a friend's car. But ex was very laissez-faire about paying the fine because they added collection fees onto it. I'm not sure if he's paid it but it just illustrates how little he gives a toss about me now.

The panic attacks got so frequent I had to be signed off work. I'm not great health wise but I am muddling through and I'm confident I made the right decision. Thank you all again for your support I can't tell you what it's meant to me xx

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Hecateh · 10/06/2019 20:07

I don't think my son would do this - although clearly I don't know. I am pretty sure however, if he did, he would blame the girl, the drink, his partner anything rather than himself.

I would have him back here long enough for his partner to change the locks and get things moving on the divorce front and then I would be chucking him out strongly encouraging him to leave too.

Keep strong @WifeofCheater. We are all behind you.

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Lorddenning1 · 10/06/2019 15:13

She might of given him another chance

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Theoldwoman · 10/06/2019 07:40

How are you getting on OP?

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despairingwife · 09/06/2019 16:24

Did this thread die? I have been wondering about the OP.

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alligatorsmile · 06/06/2019 11:23

How are you doing, OP?

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