My husband cheated on me last night

[WifeOfCheater]

NC’d but a regular poster

Been married 10 years, 2 kids, mortgage and happy marriage where nothing more than a few arguments have happened.

Husband went out to watch football yesterday - a rare occurrence he doesn’t often drink so I knew he’d be three sheets to the wind.

He FaceTimed me at 10.30 pissed as a fart telling me how beautiful I am and that he loves me. Not unusual, he gets soppy when drunk. But then he started telling me about a girl who’d pursued him all night and offered to take him back to hers for a shag. She was 17, two weeks off her 18th birthday apparently. I said why are you telling me this, I hope you told her no, and he stayed quiet and said he was getting a taxi home, and laid it on thick with the “I love you” and compliments.

While I was waiting for him to come home I had a sick feeling and knew something wasn’t right. When he got back I asked him if he did anything with that girl. I fully expected him to say “no of course not” because I didn’t think for a moment he’d cheat on me. But he confessed she gave him a blow job down the side of a furniture shop.

I feel sick. The fact she’s 17 - less than half his age - makes my skin crawl. What kind of man is he?! He has ruined everything. And to make it worse DD (6) had D&V so whilst he was getting a blow Job from a teenager I was mopping up sick and shit from the bathroom.

He said it was a one off, just a blow job and not emotional and he doesn’t see it as proper cheating. I think it makes it worse he used some poor girl for just her mouth. I can almost see an emotional affair would’ve been worth the risk of our marriage but not this. He says he deeply regrets it(!)

He’s still in (spare) bed, no doubt won’t remember anything and all I’ve done is cry. I haven’t slept, I’m in the bedroom while the kids watch a film downstairs, sobbing and hoping they don’t see me.

I can’t leave, he’s self employed and hasn’t been doing too well lately financially so we’ve dipped into our savings and they’re gone. I have no family around (he does). I do have a flat I rent out and the tenants are moving out in 3 weeks so I’m going to say he can live there.

I’m utterly heartbroken. He’s ruined everything. I wish this wasn’t happening and I genuinely never ever thought he’d do this to us. And with such a young woman, makes me think he’s just a predatory creep

Your ex friend is a sap of a woman. You are a strong woman. She sets a low bar. You do not. Stay strong.

All of my friends abandoned me when I ended my marriage following years of infidelity and lies.

It hurt very much at the time, but I have better friends now.

So impressed with your steely resolve.

Sorry your friend is being so unsupportive. I imagine your situation is triggering something for her. It is amazing how invested people can be in maintaining the status quo. Your clarity and strength are breathtaking.

Op I've sent you a PM hope that's ok

Good on you OP you are a strong woman, and setting a good example to your children when they are older that they cannot be walked over. It's amazing how "friends" show their true colours. How people can say you have broken up your family is beyond me.

I'm so sorry your friend said those appalling things. Why the fuck does it matter to her? It's weird she thinks she has the right to have a say so in your marriage.

You and your solicitor sound like you are making solid plans. Proud of you and admire you!

Either your friend has overlooked infidelity herself, or she is a cheat, I'd say. Tbh the latter seems highly likely.

OP, I had exactly the same with two different friends when I found out my husband had cheated. Neither of them are friends any longer. I just can’t look at them now.

You are so brave and strong I just wanted to leave a message saying that your friend will regret this and you deserve better

he's shockingly unremorseful and thinks I can "get over it" but I'm choosing not to try and is absolutely convinced that I am the one who has ended this marriage and the failure of our marriage is my fault for not trying hard enough.
A confirmation, had you needed it, that you are doing the right thing in separating.

Great that you are taking firm steps legally and financially to ensure a better future for you and your children.

a very good friend (who we are "couple friends" with, or we were) completely disagrees with my decision to leave my husband and has fallen out with me over it. She thinks I'm foolish and reckless, that he made a mistake and she can't believe Im being so hasty. She thinks I am having an affair of my own as apparently no one is ever this keen to leave a man so suddenly if there's not another waiting in the shadows
That's so very sad. You would have hoped, whatever their own opinions, that a true friend would support you when you are going through such a tough time instead of accusing you of cheating on your marriage.

I wonder whether she has behaved in a similar way to your husband and feels that she herself is judged by your own actions? Pure supposition on my part, however.

"^no one is ever this keen to leave a man so suddenly if there's not another waiting in the shadows"

I am absolutely astonished by this attitude but it does suggest to me that she is the type who can't imagine standing on her own two feet and absolutely would make sure she had the next one lined up before leaving the last relationship! Unpleasant.

As others have said, it sounds very much like you have touched a nerve of hers one way or another but that is not your problem.

May I recommend a steely response asking the lines of the following: "I assure you there is nobody else on my side; I merely won't put up with being treated in such a disgusting and disrespectful manner by the person who is supposed to love me most in the world. I don't think that is an incomprehensible stance to take, though perhaps it is sadly less common than it might be. Where other choose to set the bar in their own marriages is their business, but mine is somewhere above my husband having sex with a drunk teenager young enough to be his daughter."

I can't believe this needs pointing out to her. Jesus wept.

Lack of remorse = he wanted out but being the spineless arsehole that he is, he wanted you to be the one to do it so he could be a victim.

I can almost guarantee that your “friend” has either forgiven cheating or is one of those pathetic women that can’t cope without a man.

It’s hard and unfortunately, she probably won’t be the only “friend” you lose.

The only consolation is that you’ll be left with real friends at the end of it and you don’t want fakes in your life. ❤️

Think of it as losing a lot of dead wood.

Watch out for the ones that act like friends, especially neighbours, they just want the gossip.

Proper friends, will come from the most unlikely places, and chances are, you might have only known them in passing.

You've got a lot to deal with over the next couple of years.

The more people who you think of as friends, act like the one you've just experienced, the better. You can vit them out while you concentrate on more important matters.

Friends come and go. You need stability and concentration. You're not gossip fodder. You are starting a new life - one that most are scared to think of.

Cut, not vit

Thanks for the update, you are strong and brave and it's is his loss. I hope the kids are OK.It's going to be tough for them but they will survive and flourish.

I lost a few friends when my Exh did the same. I was distraught but I then found out I had some amazing friends. Some expected but some came as a complete surprise. I cherish those friendships now and they are part of mine and the childrens 'village'.

Please be very careful with his family. My ex in laws were great until it came to the divorce and splitting assets. My exh tried to force the sale of the house. I fought it. Even though he moved straight in with OW and is still there i became the villain that threw him out and made him homeless. They seem tondoget why he was asked to leave.

I have not spoken to them in over three years as they chose to listen to their sons version of events.

Do not feel guilty for fighting for your family. He chose to not be part of it.

I'm choosing not to try and is absolutely convinced that I am the one who has ended this marriage and the failure of our marriage is my fault for not trying hard enough.

Yeah I had all of this from XH after he attacked me, kicking me after I was knocked to the ground. I was to blame for not putting it behind me

I also lost my oldest friend. She just didn't want to know - I think she genuinely didn't believe me or didn't want to. I will never know as she just cut me dead.

You will be fine OP - better days are around the corner.

OP I'm so sorry about your friend. That's just awful!!! What a cow, I'm sorry. Perhaps her marriage isn't perfect so she's actually projecting in a way - she turns a blind eye so expects others to do the same.

Good news on the financial front though.

I can't believe your soon to be ex is happy to see his children so little. I can't help but think that's a reflection of who he is and what kind of dad he is. I know if I was to divorce my DH, he would want 50% or at least as close to it as he could get.

Hopefully your friend will have a think and apologise but certainly you shouldn't approach her to make up. Stay strong. Splits are hard, take time to grieve and remember you will come out this better off. X

I had a friend who said something similar to me when my ex-h cheated on me. She was more worried about how us splitting up would impact on her life as we all used to do quite a bit together. I think she was actually jealous I had the confidence to leave as her husband treated her poorly.

I ended up meeting someone relatively quickly and she accused me of cheating with him -it 100% wasn't true. I'm now married again and a billion times more happy . I can't say the same for my 'friend' who is still married to her awful husband.

You're doing wonderfully op

So your DH cheats and this "friend" of yours tries to imply that you're actually the bad guy and are probably cheating? Fuck off. Atleast she said it to your face so you know where you stand and you can cut her out of your and all.

of your life*

Oh god I really feel for you! what an awful situation.
Get him gone, he doesn't deserve you clearly, its not JUST oral sex, its complete lack of respect for you, your family and your relationship together.

I lost a lot of friends when my marriage dissolved. It's bloody hurtful and a kick when you are down. But as harsh as it is you are better off seeing people's true colours now.
People are very selfish and don't like their lives disrupted in anyway is the long and short of it. They don't want to be confronted with the truth about their friends (your h) or have to deal with it in any way. It's despicable actually.
Hope you are as ok as possible xx