My husband cheated on me last night

[WifeOfCheater]

NC’d but a regular poster

Been married 10 years, 2 kids, mortgage and happy marriage where nothing more than a few arguments have happened.

Husband went out to watch football yesterday - a rare occurrence he doesn’t often drink so I knew he’d be three sheets to the wind.

He FaceTimed me at 10.30 pissed as a fart telling me how beautiful I am and that he loves me. Not unusual, he gets soppy when drunk. But then he started telling me about a girl who’d pursued him all night and offered to take him back to hers for a shag. She was 17, two weeks off her 18th birthday apparently. I said why are you telling me this, I hope you told her no, and he stayed quiet and said he was getting a taxi home, and laid it on thick with the “I love you” and compliments.

While I was waiting for him to come home I had a sick feeling and knew something wasn’t right. When he got back I asked him if he did anything with that girl. I fully expected him to say “no of course not” because I didn’t think for a moment he’d cheat on me. But he confessed she gave him a blow job down the side of a furniture shop.

I feel sick. The fact she’s 17 - less than half his age - makes my skin crawl. What kind of man is he?! He has ruined everything. And to make it worse DD (6) had D&V so whilst he was getting a blow Job from a teenager I was mopping up sick and shit from the bathroom.

He said it was a one off, just a blow job and not emotional and he doesn’t see it as proper cheating. I think it makes it worse he used some poor girl for just her mouth. I can almost see an emotional affair would’ve been worth the risk of our marriage but not this. He says he deeply regrets it(!)

He’s still in (spare) bed, no doubt won’t remember anything and all I’ve done is cry. I haven’t slept, I’m in the bedroom while the kids watch a film downstairs, sobbing and hoping they don’t see me.

I can’t leave, he’s self employed and hasn’t been doing too well lately financially so we’ve dipped into our savings and they’re gone. I have no family around (he does). I do have a flat I rent out and the tenants are moving out in 3 weeks so I’m going to say he can live there.

I’m utterly heartbroken. He’s ruined everything. I wish this wasn’t happening and I genuinely never ever thought he’d do this to us. And with such a young woman, makes me think he’s just a predatory creep

[WifeOfCheater]

How does a person cope when they realise they're married to a complete and utter stranger?

[Prequelle]

What a nob he is.

[GCAcademic]

Of course it's cheating. Ask him, given that he doesn't think it's cheating, whether he's therefore planning on doing it again. Or whether it's OK for you to go around giving blow jobs to strangers?

I'm now wondering if he will need a STD test? Can anything be passed on via oral sex?

If this was my DH, I wouldn't be sleeping with him again, so this would be no concern of mine.

[PunishmentSnart]

He is vile and he should be ashamed of himself.

You do not need to feel shame or embarrassment for any of this, it's him who has ruined it.

[StealthPolarBear]

Gca if he's capable of this there's a chance he's done it before, is what I assume the op means

[redhotchill]

Are you going to ring his mum? Do it before you wake him. He deserves to feel like the shit he is.

Don't let him sleep it off but also don't let him wake and have the opportunity to talk you round with excuses.

No doubt he will lie or say he can't remember.

[Sn0tnose]

You will cope. It might not feel like it some days but, eventually, it will get easier until one day, you wake up and realise it doesn’t hurt quite as much as it did the day before.

I would telephone his parents and tell them what he’s done and that he’ll be coming to stay with them as you need space and time. Pack a bag for him so he has no chance to argue. If he claims it was all a joke, then point out that even if you believed him, breaking your heart ‘for a laugh’ would also be a deal breaker. Do not let him into your flat. That’s your safety net and you’ll need that. Make an appointment at a different clinic to get yourself checked out. If he has an STD that’s his problem (and would you believe him if he said he’d been checked and was fine?) One day at a time, put yourself first and tell your loved ones so you have some support.

[evilharpy]

He was clearly sober enough to know what he was doing if he remembered she was seventeen.

I’d be done. He’d be gone today and he would not be coming back.

[rritchie44]

This is just horrible. I completely feel for you, such an idiotic pervy thing to do. Is he awake yet?

[cuppycakey]

How does a person cope when they realise they're married to a complete and utter stranger?

You stop thinking about him. Every time your mind wanders to him and why etc, you stop yourself and start thinking about you and your DC.

[mummyDA]

Yes what your husband has done is bad and will take time to recover from.

However, this wouldn’t be enough to break up your family. You have 2 children. It is always better for their parents to be together.

[Ellabella989]

Just to let you know you can pay for STD kits to do at home from places like Lloyd’s pharmacy.
Really sorry to hear about your scumbag husband. I’d be beyond livid if my DP did something like that. Despicable behaviour!

[StealthPolarBear]

It's not always better for parents to be together No.
And it's often noy better for the woman, does she not count?

[ReganSomerset]

So sorry, OP.

Be strong, don't let him gaslight you. He will probably try to.

Also, don't let him have the flat. Where he lives is his own lookout.

Unmumsnetty hugs for you. x

[DonutCone]

Revolting. How any woman could stay with a man like that I don’t know. Plus the CHILD he allowed to give him a blow job clearly didn’t have to work that hard to convince him, did she? We’re not talking months of build up, wearing his poor defences down. If it’s that easy for him to cheat it won’t be the last time.

[SmellbowGrease]

This is horrible op. Sorry you’re having to deal with it

I’d be giving him the boot ASAP and assuming he’s done similar or ‘worse’ before. Think about it... what 17 year old overlooks every fit young man in the club to chase an ‘old’ bloke immediately offering him sex and giving him a blow job? Doesn’t happen.
My bet is that he was chatting her up, buying her drinks, flattering her etc. And if he’s so at ease doing that what else has he done.
What an utter bastard

[Serialweightwatcher]

I'm so sorry OP - you must feel so sick ... I wouldn't be able to bear that either, regardless of her age ... I feel so bad for you

[MarieIVanArkleStinks]

I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry

[jackstini]

So sorry you are going through this OP

Agree you need some time and space, pack him a bag, tell his parents and get him out. then confide in a friend you trust that will both let you vent and comfort you

[SistersKeeper12]

I can't believe he said it's not really cheating!! Would he be happy for you to receive oral off a teenager? Also I would never trust him again as his boundaries are totally off.

He is grubby scum, call his mum and tell her what he has done and then tell him he needs to leave your house immediately.
Call cab to see what you are entitled to, do not give up your rent income.

He has done this to you and your children. Personally I couldn't bear to be around him again, it makes my skin crawl.
You are all better off without him.

[BigSandyBalls2015]

Jesus that is bad. I couldn’t forgive that. He needs to go.

[LordNibbler]

However, this wouldn’t be enough to break up your family. You have 2 children. It is always better for their parents to be together.
Don't be so utterly utterly ridiculous, what absolute garbage to spout.

[TickTockBaby]

Ohhh OP what an vile dick he is.

I agree with all the advice given, ring or text his parents let them know he can't stay with you and they need to make room for him. You maybe don't have to tell them the specifics if you're not ready to discuss it yet but equally YOU have nothing to be ashamed of.

Could you pack him a bag and load it into the car for him? Confirmation for yourself that he will be fucking going when he dares to show his face.

I find it hard to believe that this is the first time too, going from a completely faithful partner to a BJ in a public place from a 17 year old girl after some drinks whilst out watching the football?!?

Take care of yourself and your DC OP that bastard does not deserve anything more from you.

[Jemima232]

Oh no. What an awful situation for you.

He does need STI tests because he may have had full sex and had thought that saying it was a blow job would be less devastating to you.

In any case, if you haven't had much sex lately, he could have been getting it elsewhere and not told you, so you need testing, too.

[ACPC]

Wake him up and throw him out. What a pig.