I'm really not a very nice person

[notaniceperson71]

So on the surface I am a very nice person, respectable middle-aged lady - kind to everyone, the only person at work to hold the door open for the cleaners, judge people that are rude to waiting staff etc etc

But internally I really am not a very nice person and think the most awful things, I openly admit that most of these are jealousy so not a very nice trait I know for example:-

My close friend's DH has just lost his job, I am being supportive but in reality I am secretly pleased, they might have to downsize from their five bed detached house and cut back on their multiple luxury holidays.

I have a crush on a married colleague (I am also married) and if I had the opportunity to shag him with 100% assurances that no one would ever find out then I would!

One of the ladies in our friendship group has recently started to gain wait and is not ageing well (she was always the slim, pretty one) this pleases me.

I love it when my colleague makes mistakes at work, it makes me look good.

My cat shits in next door's garden, I actively encourage this.

Is anyone else secretly evil or am I just a cunt in disguise?

Auntie "I would be really happy if my ex died. He is a vile man"

oh sure. with one of my friend's exes, if he did die, I would really hope I had an alibi

but that's way different than what OP is saying about her "friends".

maybe that's how I see friends - if I want to kill your ex, we're friends

Nah....I'm not like this, I'm too content with my lot to care about what others have.

That said my evil side comes out in a different way. I'm lovely. Unless you cross me or cross one of my people. Then I'll happily destroy your life.

@RattyTat

I don't remember me saying they were constant thoughts, I'm not a psycho.

No, I didn't say you were but from your description this seems to be a pretty regular thing for you.

Trust me op, you're totally normal

Only on here are people model citizens

I have never met anyone with a perfect moral compass. Ever.

Fringing hand wringing as usual

Again no one is claiming to have a perfect fucking moral compass.

Schadenfreud. We are all guilty of it to a lesser or greater degree. It’s a very normal human thing,

Nope. You are not a bad person at all OP. I think too many people here just won't admit it to themselves or others.

In my experience there are too many people in this world who are 'friends' with people they blatantly don't like and then spend all their time bitching and moaning about them when their back is turned.

No it’s not normal to be this jealous of others / wish ill upon others - especially people who are supposed to be friends - I dont understand the people saying it’s normal.
I’m certainly not mother Teresa but I’d never wish ill upon a friend. I have a cat too and I dunno how on this earth I could make him go and shit in someone else’s garden - or commit the time to it - that’s just psycho!

Bloody hell OP! I do know people that try to seem nice in the surface, but you realise they are not. So you are not the only one, but it is pretty horrible.

No one has posted to claim to that they're perfect and are the ideal human, no not at all. Many of us can feel envious, we can think thoughts and feel things we wouldn't be proud of. But, I bet most of us would for one not be happy with our negative attributes, and we would never relish over another's misfortune, or wish them ill.

Some of the things you have said and then gone on to try and justify just cement that you do seem to be a very insecure person fuelled by jealousy. That's the sort of person no one needs in their life, the one who pretends to be one thing on the surface but is happy when misfortune comes our way.

Perhaps those like you and of course you seek help for dealing with such thoughts as it is not healthy at all and whether you want to accept it or not, it is going to affect your way of life.

Fatted. That sounds exactly like what OP is doing though. Being nice to her friends' faces but secretly feeling bitter and resentful towards them.

I certainly hope that isn't normal.

I had an exciting flush of superiority that you don't know how to spell weight correctly

I think it's very sad people are trying to justify this by saying it's normal to make themselves feel better.

No one is saying they never have uncharitable thoughts or are model citizens. That's very clear and it's very silly to pretend they are, we can all read the thread.

What's being said is we don't wish our friends ill and revel in their misfortune. If you do it's deeply unpleasant, not remotely normal and stems from your own unhappiness.

If some people who do this, wish to believe we are all at it, and that their friends are secretly wishing them ill and chuffed when something horrible befalls them, because that's what they do, then whatever gets you through the day, but I can assure you it's not normal and says something clearly about your own deep in happiness with your life that you don't want to have said.

And yes, people can tell.

Where have I wished anyone ill?

I agree people can tell when someone is like this. And I steer clear of people like this. I used to work with a woman who was clearly like this.

It is normal. It's not your normal but clearly from the many responses relating to the OP it is a fair few people's normal.

I can relate to a lot of this. Eg when a seemingly perfect couple splits up, I get a horrible twinge of satisfaction. However, this is only because I'm jealous of anyone in a perfect relationship. I also feel better when someone makes a mistake at work because it shows I'm not the only one that screws up. Most of my bad thoughts are down to insecurity and envy, like yours. If I was content with my lot I simply wouldn't have them. You're not evil, you're just insecure. Apart from the cat shit thing!

How little internet infamy lasts !

www.theguardian.com/world/2010/oct/19/cat-bin-woman-mary-bale
@TheBreastmilksOnMe
@IrisAtwood

No, I am a cat lover and I have a black and white lumpy cat who I do not put into anything.

OCD is my normal and many other people's 'normal' but it isn't 'normal' normal either. It isn't a desirable or healthy state of being.

This thread just confirms my growing belief that a lot of people are cunts.
Neither I or DP are like this. You don't have to be like this, it is not inevitable

It would be even better if you cat shit in your formerly pretty slim friends garden or if the work colleague was shagging the hot colleague and she then made a mistake and got sacked and couldn’t see him anymore

I think everyone is like this tbh I certainly am anyway. Even the people who say otherwise. Only you’re the only one with the balls to say it.