I'm really not a very nice person

[notaniceperson71]

So on the surface I am a very nice person, respectable middle-aged lady - kind to everyone, the only person at work to hold the door open for the cleaners, judge people that are rude to waiting staff etc etc

But internally I really am not a very nice person and think the most awful things, I openly admit that most of these are jealousy so not a very nice trait I know for example:-

My close friend's DH has just lost his job, I am being supportive but in reality I am secretly pleased, they might have to downsize from their five bed detached house and cut back on their multiple luxury holidays.

I have a crush on a married colleague (I am also married) and if I had the opportunity to shag him with 100% assurances that no one would ever find out then I would!

One of the ladies in our friendship group has recently started to gain wait and is not ageing well (she was always the slim, pretty one) this pleases me.

I love it when my colleague makes mistakes at work, it makes me look good.

My cat shits in next door's garden, I actively encourage this.

Is anyone else secretly evil or am I just a cunt in disguise?

😮😄.

The person I know thinks that we aren't aware of her bitterness and resentment towards others but people are all too aware.

I have found my people - are you me?

@RattyTat

Well she obviously wasn't a very good cunt in disguise was she.

Just for the record though I would never want friend whose husband lost job to be homeless and have nothing and weighty friend to get so big she couldn't leave the house.

It was kind of light hearted, and I have admitted jealousy.

The only person that can change things is you.

A truly happy person thinks nice things about others. You are not a happy person. If you want to think nice thoughts and feel genuinely happy you have to work on yourself.

You should just be your self rather than being fake.

My cousin is like you. The bitterness and nastiness shows on her face.

I think more people think like this than not. You are not a bad person and at least you're honest!
The problem is thinking like this will not make you happy and will only cause more negativity in your life.
There is an evolving evidence base that suggests that gratitude and wishing the best for others, will in turn lead to your own happiness. Try it and see how you feel.

Is anyone else secretly evil or am I just a cunt in disguise?

hahahaaaaaa this hilarious

I have shitty thoughts.

But I could never be pleased a friend was having to sell their home

Or think it's great my cats shits in other peoples gardens

Or be happy someone is putting weight on and ageing badly. I would actually be concerned if a friend started to look bad and put weight when they hadnt before.

So while I do understand having jealous thoughts or even bad thoughts

I dont think it's normal to happy your neighbours have to clean your cats shit up or that friends are having a bad time of it.

Beware!

This really made me laugh! I'm not as bad as this, but I can see similarities OP! You've made me feel better about myself!

You’re a bigger cunt than me and Im a pretty big cunt.

Also crushes are fine.....but knowing I would shag someone behind dp back, disrespect him like that, as long as he doesnt know isnt fine.

I think what you describe is pretty normal and to be honest I would be deeply suspicious of someone that claimed that jealousy had never got the better of them. We are all human and all have bad thoughts occasionally, the important thing is you don't act on them. If your worst thoughts are that you are secretly pleased that somebody has put on a bit of weight or might have to downsize their house slightly then I would wager that you are probably on the nicer side of the spectrum anyway. There are some truly nasty people around that actively work to detriment other people's lives and those are what I would describe as "bad" people.

She's still going, and is making herself very miserable. All I'm saying is that people might be more aware of it than you realise.

I used to get thoughts like this when I had depression, could that be what's going on for you OP?

So what's making you unhappy op? This is clearly envy based, envious of your friends looks and appearance, envious of your friends house and holidays, envious of when colleagues perform well.

Thr fact you'd cheat on your husband is not jealousy based it is clearly based on unhappiness in your marriage,

I think the answer is to focus on why you feel so jealous, insecure and unhappy with your lot. Because if you didn't, you wouldn't envy others to this extent.

So instead of being all boasty about being a horrible person, try to understand what is causing it and how to address those things about your life, because something is clearly wrong.

Most of it I think is kind of normal. The redundancy one I think is pretty nasty.

Is this a reverse?

How do you actively encourage your cat to shit in the neighbours garden? Pick him up and scratch his paw in to the soil?
I only ask because my cat always shits in next doors garden and obviously she hates it - I even bought her a water pistol to shoot him back home.

I can kind of relate to finding pleasure in other peoples misfortune, but then I wouldn't call them friends, so to think that of your friends DH and their lifestyle is pretty nasty.

Everyone has these thoughts though, and mine was today when my easily size 20-22 friend managed to put some size 14 leggings on and declared omg - I'm a 14!! In my head I was wondering about the lycra content but my fake two faced face was saying wow - that's amazing!

I guess I'm a bitch too!

Let me tell you a secret, we know.
Yes we do.

It is the way you smile when I tell you my life is falling apart, your insincere messages of support sound hollow. The fact you seem to relish other people's lives hitting the buffers that makes us question what you think of ours. The friend that has put on weight can see how you look at her, you give more away than you think.

No, you are not a nice person or friend, but I am guessing you are very, very unhappy and these small victories as hollow as they are, keep you going.

I think we all find ourselves having uncharitable thoughts. I often catch myself judging people or being snobby. I try and remind myself to take a more Christian view. That's all I feel I can do. Given youve acknowledged your fallibility you're also showing you want to change. Maybe withdraw from friendships with people you dont like. Life's too short to be a fake. I don't know about you but i want to be my best self

I think we all have thoughts and impulses that we're ashamed of. I don't think it's healthy to encourage those thoughts, though.

Being happy at others misfortune is just disgusting.

Perhaps instead of posting online about how you're not a nice person, you seek help to find out why you're so fuelled by envy.

Meh nothing wrong with having thoughts. Thoughts don't mean anything. Its actions that count. I can think terrible things but wouldn't wish anyone actual harm. Once you are aware of them you can choose whether or not to act on them. You can't really control your thoughts but you can control the ones you latch on to, give air to and act on.