Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

I'm really not a very nice person

496 replies

notaniceperson71 · 09/05/2019 19:06

So on the surface I am a very nice person, respectable middle-aged lady - kind to everyone, the only person at work to hold the door open for the cleaners, judge people that are rude to waiting staff etc etc

But internally I really am not a very nice person and think the most awful things, I openly admit that most of these are jealousy so not a very nice trait I know for example:-

My close friend's DH has just lost his job, I am being supportive but in reality I am secretly pleased, they might have to downsize from their five bed detached house and cut back on their multiple luxury holidays.

I have a crush on a married colleague (I am also married) and if I had the opportunity to shag him with 100% assurances that no one would ever find out then I would!

One of the ladies in our friendship group has recently started to gain wait and is not ageing well (she was always the slim, pretty one) this pleases me.

I love it when my colleague makes mistakes at work, it makes me look good.

My cat shits in next door's garden, I actively encourage this.

Is anyone else secretly evil or am I just a cunt in disguise?

OP posts:
clairemcnam · 09/05/2019 21:16

No not everyone is like this.

Bluntness100 · 09/05/2019 21:19

I think if you're like this you could pal up with the op and all pretend to be supportive but secretly revel and be happy about the shit that happens to each other. But at least you know you're all doing it and just pretending to play nice.

Get together and fill your boots that's what I say. And leave the rest of us the hell alone.

DerelictWreck · 09/05/2019 21:20

I'm with you OP. I (not married) would also shag my (married) boss if no one would find out. And I don't even fancy him it's just the power thing Blush

100NotOut · 09/05/2019 21:22

Namechanged but I am exactly like this, and it really does bother me because I worry that it's a really dysfunctional and unnatural way to operate!

I worry that it's actually a mental health problem, that I have such horrible thoughts.

My DH and I are about to start TTC and I find myself thinking awful, envious thoughts about others with babies or families (though that is rooted in a fear of infertility as we have left it v late).

RosaWaiting · 09/05/2019 21:23

no, not everyone is like this

I am a solitary person, I only spend time with people if I like them. I can't imagine spending time with people I disliked so much that I'd be pleased if their partner lost their job...waste of time surely? I could be hanging out on MN!!

DoubleNegativePanda · 09/05/2019 21:26

I have often thought how lucky it is that my thoughts are not in a bubble over my head for others to see, because then they would know what a massive bitch I actually am. To outward appearances I am kind, patient, friendly etc. but on the inside I may be thinking really shitty stuff. And no, people don't know. People comment often how "nice" and friendly I am.

I treat people well, I am not a generally miserable person, I just have a very sharp bitchy side that I don't allow to see the light of day. I have a couple of friends who know this side of me and love me anyway.

Original poster
notaniceperson71 · 09/05/2019 21:31

@DoubleNegativePanda

You have just described me perfectly.

OP posts:
CarolDanvers · 09/05/2019 21:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

lovemeorleaveme · 09/05/2019 21:38

I think you need to try and improve your life so YOU are happy, I then think you may feel happier for others

Fedupflo · 09/05/2019 21:41

What CarolDavers said.

AsleepAllDay · 09/05/2019 21:42

Sounds like you aren't happy with your life OP. It's one thing to have an occasional flash of rude thoughts but you sound like you focus on other people and judging them makes you feel good without having to listen to yourself and be accountable for your own life.

It doesn't feel good, does it? A little thrill but nothing as nice as contentment and having self esteem

specterlitt · 09/05/2019 21:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MsTSwift · 09/05/2019 21:45

God I am terrified now that innocuous seemingly pleasant women smiling and making small talk are in fact the green faced witch from the wizard of oz on the inside !

I don’t feel like this sorry I get genuinely sad if those I care about have a crap time and am properly pleased when it goes well for them. Thought that was normal? Dh and both get stressed after visiting my friend and her dh who keep making rubbish decisions it stresses us out we fret all the way home

Butteredghost · 09/05/2019 21:48

You sound fine OP, it's actions that matter. Thoughts aren't anything, they are like dreams.

I think the brain is complex and has multiple 'voices'. It is your way of doing an internal appraisal of situations

Agree, I think sometimes these thoughts are similar to intrusive thoughts. Those are the ones where you are in a high place and briefly imagine jumping off. Or in a meeting you imagine jumping up and swearing at the boss. You don't want to do it and wouldn't - but the idea runs through your mind.

Nothing worse than the opposite - someone who never helps anyone but thinks of themself as so nice because they "thought about helping".

Oliversmumsarmy · 09/05/2019 21:50

I think most people think those things

I don’t.

I would worry about a friends dh losing a job as I have been in that position a few times and it isn’t pleasant .

I am not aging well and I would definitely not judge someone in that position.

I do know people who do this. Usually they say something and their secret gets out.

cherry2727 · 09/05/2019 21:50

It's not possible to think these horrible things and not let it surface ! Your horrible side probably shows and you don't even know it!
I work with a middle age lady like you and she's a bloody nightmare! She showcases herself like a lovely person but deep down is an envious and bitter person! She makes my life a living hell at work !

By the way - you're not nice if you're happy that your friend will be downsizing! You're just two-faced and Jealous ! What an unhappy life you must have !!

Hithere12 · 09/05/2019 21:53

Honestly, you come across as such a sanctimonious misery guts on pretty much every thread you're on bluntness. I feel like you're actually quite unkind yourself but cover it by reassuring yourself that you Are Just Telling It Like It Is

😂 The people being nasty to OP seem worse and more bitter than OP herself

MatthewBramble · 09/05/2019 21:54

Are you my long-lost twin sister OP?

StreetDreams · 09/05/2019 21:55

What's interesting is that all the perfect people on this thread are actually complete cunts on other threads. Grin

cherry2727 · 09/05/2019 21:56

Being "honest" about your horrible nature doesn't suddenly overrule your horrible thoughts and make you an honest person!
Deep down inside you're still "not a nice person!"

RosaWaiting · 09/05/2019 21:58

it's interesting people saying that thoughts don't matter and actions do

in the case of actually sympathising with the friend whose DH lost his job, but being internally gleeful about it, it does matter.

but OP your post has been quite helpful to me actually. I'm increasingly bugged that I don't like my sister but I have never been sure why.

I think this is it - she will be seen doing the right thing but I have a sneaky feeling she has similar thoughts to you.

perhaps when mum is gone, we can part ways, because that feeling that someone loves a bit of schadenfreude really bugs me. Maybe that makes me a bad person, but I don't think, "oh they must be unhappy" or "It must be hard to live that way"

I just think, run for the hills, the person is horrible deep down and that doesn't usually end well.

clairemcnam · 09/05/2019 21:58

I suspect you are not very happy OP.

I think being attracted to someone else occasionally and even maybe having a fantasy about an affair is normal. But to think you would have one if you could is a sign that things are not good.

lovemeorleaveme · 09/05/2019 21:59

I am actually shocked that the majority of people think like this actually. I do know two or three people that are not openly like this but it's so obvious on their faces and it just seeps from them iykwim. It is normal to feel a twang of jealousy sometimes but not like this. Like others say, it will be obvious to others that you are like this so you need to start to make changes to your like so you are a happier person . You are brave to admit this though .

RosaWaiting · 09/05/2019 21:59

StreetDreams I can't see any perfect people, whatever that means.

Geraniumpink · 09/05/2019 22:10

It doesn’t sound like a particularly fun existence. I’m not shocked, because I know other people like this - but not many. Most of the people, I know are lovely, but not afraid to get irritable, or snipey or angry from time to time - and this is healthy and even a bit friendly, because they are not afraid to be themselves.
My cat shits in our garden- and while it’s not nice to clean up I am glad as next door are good neighbors.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.