I'm really not a very nice person

[notaniceperson71]

So on the surface I am a very nice person, respectable middle-aged lady - kind to everyone, the only person at work to hold the door open for the cleaners, judge people that are rude to waiting staff etc etc

But internally I really am not a very nice person and think the most awful things, I openly admit that most of these are jealousy so not a very nice trait I know for example:-

My close friend's DH has just lost his job, I am being supportive but in reality I am secretly pleased, they might have to downsize from their five bed detached house and cut back on their multiple luxury holidays.

I have a crush on a married colleague (I am also married) and if I had the opportunity to shag him with 100% assurances that no one would ever find out then I would!

One of the ladies in our friendship group has recently started to gain wait and is not ageing well (she was always the slim, pretty one) this pleases me.

I love it when my colleague makes mistakes at work, it makes me look good.

My cat shits in next door's garden, I actively encourage this.

Is anyone else secretly evil or am I just a cunt in disguise?

I have a 'friend' like this. I'll totally admit I'm far from perfect but she literally takes pleasure in others misfortunes, even those closest to her. She is falsely supportive, almost delirious with glee whenever something bad was happening to me. So I've dropped her. Feel much better.

Op I think you need to work on what makes you feel this way towards people, I don't think it's normal.

Does it bother you that you think these things, and can you also see the good in yourself? I think jealousy is a pretty normal trait, whether it comes in flashes or is more sustained. I smiled at your post, but maybe try to get over the thing of being pleased about other people's misfortunes. It may not do you any good emotionally.

I put cats in wheelie bins for fun!

Echobelly I sincerely hope that you’re joking.

I used to be a bit like this, but I found it went hand-in-hand with suppressing literally every outwardly expression of anger/annoyance I had.

I was trying so hard to be "nice" to other people, that I wouldn't allow myself to display anything "not nice". As a result, it all kind of started building up inside and churning into this really horrible festering cauldron of "hidden" thoughts.

I had counselling. Started to allow myself to express anger and displeasure with people. Started not trying to be everyone's friend, and to be quite happy with disliking people and being disliked.

I don't have the thoughts any more. I don't take pleasure in anyone's misfortune, and tend to feel very sorry for them, even if I didn't like them.

I would take it as a result of repressing your natural self-expression elsewhere, based on my experiences. For what it's worth.

@patricia good thought provoking post.

I have to say.........I am the same!

I think the important thing is to know this about yourself and to make sure that you do behave kindly and supportively to others. If you were saying those things about people behind their backs it would be different.

I think that for some of us (depending on our childhood and personality) it is just human nature. For example, I know that I am envious and I know why. So I make sure that I don’t act on it and make an effort to be supportive.

I try to think good thoughts and do good deeds, but I think we all have our moments.

Are you sure these people are actually your friends though?

Yes we all make the odd spelling mistake. And other mistakes. When we love people we tend to love them because of their flaws and foibles, I couldn't relish in a friends unhappiness, but I couldn't love them more than where they share their imperfections with me. I'm sure you are just the right side of bitchiness IRL. Your humour shines through I'm sure deep down you love your friends and are not a mean person.

Echobelly

@patriciabateman Great post and yes, I think it is also to do with suppressing one’s negative feelings. I’m going to think about that some more!

@echobelly Do you live in Coventry?

On reflection, OP, why are you the only person at your work who holds the door for the cleaners? Are your colleagues all incredibly rude? Perhaps this is the source of your troubles.

Christ on a bike. OP posts a lighthearted thread about a very human trait and is pulverised in a most unpleasant way for not always thinking nice thoughts. The irony of this appears to be lost on those piling-on.

Let she who is without sin cast the first stone, etc.

I think no one is saying they don't have unkind thoughts, but I for one do not and have never wished people I consider friends ill. And I don't believe it's remotely normal to revel in any misfortune that befalls a friend.

Someone you don't like, sure, but when it's someone you like, love, profess to care about then no it's not remotely normal to be pleased when horrible things happen to them, and it's not normal to wish to be unfaithful to your husband.

And anyone professing it is is the one kidding themselves.

These thoughts stem from a fundamental unhappiness and envy. It's a sad life when your envious of your own friends and unhappy In your marriage.

Let's not normalise that as a way to make the people suffering the same feel better about themselves.

Being happy when horrid things happen to people you call friends doesn't change the fact you don't like your life or make your life any better, you're still starring in your own shit show, but with the knowledge it's making you bitter and unpleasant with it.

Or as mumsnet would say, a right cunt.

Refreshingly honest, thanks for the laugh OP

people can tell OP
you'll have microexpressions that will make certain people know to stay away from you

random schadenfreude weirds me out tbh

I get that there's bad blood when people are awful to you, but really, a pretty friend is "ageing" and that pleases you?

eww.

OP you made me laugh .

You’re not alone but I wouldn’t dare post my nasty ways on here. I’m in a FB group with several lovely, hilarious friends where we discuss this kind of thing and air our unpopular views. It’s great and very therapeutic. Don’t listen to the lecturers on here. I think most people have these thoughts but just don’t say them. Those who say you don’t, well good for you don't believe you though.

YAACID.

I should add, your definition of "friendship group" is waaaaay different than mine.

Op I wish you was my mate you sound really funny. Nothing wrong with abit of schadenfreude

Wow, some of these replies are hilarious. I didn't realise there were so many perfect people about, to be honest I thought most people had cunty thoughts but so far I have been diagnosed as having depression, being deeply deeply unhappy, shit marriage and disgusting.

Couple having to downsize have always been a bit boastful so yep I am secretly pleased.
Work colleague is a dick so I am justified there.
Always been a bit jealous of weighty friend so these are normal thoughts right?
Shagging colleague, well that is just in my head!
Apparently cats never shit in their own garden.

I don't think I come across as a bitter person Irl and as I said up thread it was kind of light hearted but pleased to hear how perfect some of you are.

I'm with Bluntness100

I don't like everyone I meet and some people annoy me or their faces annoy me.

But I don't ever wish ill or revel in the misfortune of my friends! Or am happy when they are losing their looks!

I would be really happy if my ex died. He is a vile man.

I haven't seen many people claiming to be perfect or saying that they've never had a negative thought but I refuse to believe that having constant spiteful and resentful thoughts and about supposed friends too, is normal.

Wow, some of these replies are hilarious. I didn't realise there were so many perfect people about,

Don't worry, they only seem to be on MN.