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Original poster

I'm really not a very nice person

496 replies

notaniceperson71 · 09/05/2019 19:06

So on the surface I am a very nice person, respectable middle-aged lady - kind to everyone, the only person at work to hold the door open for the cleaners, judge people that are rude to waiting staff etc etc

But internally I really am not a very nice person and think the most awful things, I openly admit that most of these are jealousy so not a very nice trait I know for example:-

My close friend's DH has just lost his job, I am being supportive but in reality I am secretly pleased, they might have to downsize from their five bed detached house and cut back on their multiple luxury holidays.

I have a crush on a married colleague (I am also married) and if I had the opportunity to shag him with 100% assurances that no one would ever find out then I would!

One of the ladies in our friendship group has recently started to gain wait and is not ageing well (she was always the slim, pretty one) this pleases me.

I love it when my colleague makes mistakes at work, it makes me look good.

My cat shits in next door's garden, I actively encourage this.

Is anyone else secretly evil or am I just a cunt in disguise?

OP posts:
Kapeka · 12/05/2019 09:56

But when DPs pissed me off I do secretly hope he gets ill. He has a fear of vomiting.
Wow. That is truly evil

Nah. Evil is secretly hoping he'd die. I don't do that. Wishing someone has a tummy bug is not evil.

Kapeka · 12/05/2019 09:59

My granddad had a bad leg and shoulder, he fell out of bed in the middle of the night, my gran said she had to sleep herself of to the toilet to hide the fact she was laughing so much. I must get it from her.

user87382294757 · 12/05/2019 10:44

I have a friend of 20 years + and we joke and laugh about stuff happening to us- particularly if we have bee daft or feeling a bit pleased with ourselves foe anything, or we joke about things like well, one of us being terrible at buying presents or even being dyslexic and the like. We know each other very well though. It can be quite funny to laugh at yourself and not take life too seriously, I guess. Can kind of merge into 'gallows humour' at times I guess...

TheLittleDogLaughed · 12/05/2019 11:04

I don’t think having a laugh with a friend is the same as secretly enjoying other people’s misery though.

Hotandcold123 · 12/05/2019 14:57

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe very well said

Username343434 · 12/05/2019 15:15

I met some horrid people in my life that were masquerading as nice people and they were deceiving most of those around them.

I.e. I had a line manager that I had initially a very good relationship with. She was so lovely and seemingly supportive. Some people in my team said though she’s nice but be careful. I didn’t want to believe she was anything but a nice person. However her true colours started showing a few months later and to this day I still think she was sociopath. She was passive aggressive, all nice and lovely whilst digging up people’s holes (managed to kick someone in my team out who was due a promotion - he was very good at his job. This guy left the company still thinking to this day that she was the best manager he’s ever had. Hiding important stuff from her team members (until we found out - what did she think?!), couldn’t stand any women who were better looking or got more attention from guys, she’d pick on them, again covertly.

Once I started seeing through her I was horrified. But ultimately she was a miserable person, we think she had a bad relationship with her then boyfriend and she would come in the morning looking distressed and totally miserable. Then once she’s done something nasty to someone (covertly of course) or heard about someone’s misfortune she’d all of the sudden look happier. Sickening! She eventually left and we were all better for it.

origamiunicorn · 12/05/2019 15:38

@username343434

Wondering if we have had the same team leader 😮

Username343434 · 12/05/2019 15:48

@origamiunicorn possibly Shock

user87382294757 · 12/05/2019 16:41

Yes I have also had this kind of thing at work as well.

In Teaching, (I was naive and young 20s and thought teachers were generally kind types, like the ones I had mostly met during teacher training) but then for the Induction year got this most 'nice' 'mentor' who wanted me to fail- she would be so 'nice' but then refuse to plan with me...leave me alone basically and make jibes that she had done a 4 year course whereas I had a PGCE and wouldn't be properly trained from it.etc. It got worse and went off with stress in the end, she was 'terribly upset' the Head thought...hmm. No, she wasn't. She just out on a good act.

TheLittleDogLaughed · 12/05/2019 16:51

I had a vile line manager for 15 years. I saw her upset so many people over the years, including me.

user87382294757 · 12/05/2019 16:58

Interesting how it goes with the false 'niceness'. as you can get these people who seem quite abrupt or rude even but they are just straightforward and over time you realise they are Ok really. Maybe they are just being themselves.

LimeKiwi · 12/05/2019 18:23

I think most people have these thoughts but just don’t say them. Those who say you don’t, well good for you don't believe you though.

You don't have to believe me, but I really don't. Why would anyone take glee in someone else failing, or that they wished they'd lose their house?
I honestly don't get that mindset.
You'd have to be deeply unhappy with your lot in life to be that bitter.

LimeKiwi · 12/05/2019 18:29

does it make you feel better to say nasty things, at least mine stay in my head

Errrrm - you realise the minute you post it to an international forum, they're not thoughts in your head anymore right?! Grin
It's publishing them, planting them into other's heads who are reading and can be upset at the thought their so called friends would be happy if something horrible happened to them.

TheSmallClangerWhistlesAgain · 12/05/2019 18:50

My job involves law inforcement. I get accused at least once per shift of being a power-tripping little Hitler. I always counter it to start with by saying that I'm only enforcing the rules and that I don't like that part of my job.

Except I do. A lot sometimes.

user87382294757 · 12/05/2019 19:01

Mind you, I was just reading a therapy book which suggests that if something bad happens to others instead of getting too down about it and drawn into it, try to turn it into gratitude for our own situation. Really is that too different from this situation? I guess it is about how much it affects the other person in practice.

ihaddedto · 12/05/2019 19:08

Remember Agony Aunts .. they used to say things like “you need to sit down and tell your friends
(a) your boyfriend is behaving badly towards you
(b) you’re making yourself sick after each meal
(c) you’ve not got into your university of choice ...whatever the problem was, take your pick ..

“Just as soon as you’ve told someone, you’ll feel better .. your friends will be so glad you e finally opened up, they won’t judge you, they will support you, etc.”

This thread gives the lie to all that, and proves what cynics and people who bottle things up might have always suspected: that their friends were indeed just waiting for them to fall all along.

Anyone reading this thread who didn’t want to walk out of her marriage to save face, is actually right in a way, isn’t she? Because people (friends orstrangers on the interweb) sympathising and telling her to do it, might secretly be rejoicing

Well some of us schmucks have just realised, after reading this, that actually our friends weren’t on side at all. Perhaps most of them were just waiting for us to fall and smirking inside each time something went wrong for us.
Sigh. So depressing.

user87382294757 · 12/05/2019 19:09

"A problem shared is a problem halved" you mean. Not always!

ihaddedto · 12/05/2019 19:16

My other question is .. how bad does the misfortune have to be before you’re not gleeful any more, but sad about it?
So taking the redundancy/downsizing as an example, what if things kept sliding downhill, one of the couple became ill .. the other one started drinking or gambling, all monies lost, mental health problems and the surviving one ended up sleeping rough?

Is there a sliding scale whereby after a certain point you decide to wish the bad luck would stop for them? (But possibly start for someone else, who’s had it far too good ..)

Is it ok if friends’ kids hit the skids a bit and don’t do as well as yours, but not if they’re abducted? If it’s a bad enough occurrence you feel genuine sorrow, but it has to be pretty damn bad?

ihaddedto · 12/05/2019 19:19

user clearly, yes. It just makes me think no one should ever hope for support because their so-called friends will be living every minute of it.

I think I agree, too, that the abrupt people may well be the ones who are all right. They might not be the ones who are sitting silently seething

ihaddedto · 12/05/2019 19:19

BlushLoving every minute of it, obviously

user87382294757 · 12/05/2019 19:22

Hmm...again, makes me think of some friends who seem to enjoy the drama of things going wrong also. But don;t listen if anything is good. I have someone tell me not to be smug, recently (was telling them was relieved school was going Ok now for a struggling DC). This person is very 'good'- former teacher, friends social workers, quite judgemental about things etc, and I was a bit upset by the comment.

babyfish · 12/05/2019 19:41

Haha I think we are all like this deep down. I am anyway GrinConfused

shinyhappypeeps · 13/05/2019 09:45

soooo happy to hear that there's someone truthful out there for once - how refreshing - we are not alone sister!! x

Fazackerley · 13/05/2019 10:26

Stop saying the OP is honest and truthful and deep down we all feel like this! We don't!

The OP is being honest and truthful ABOUT HERSELF. She hasn't hit on the meaning of life!

Kittykat93 · 13/05/2019 11:41

Trust me I'm being honest and truthful when I say I'd never take glee in a friend losing their job and house Hmm speak for yourself!

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