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Original poster

Relationship with boss

171 replies

user1471514421 · 09/05/2019 15:05

Afternoon everyone

I have a very delicate situation at the moment which I am unsure how to handle or if even need to address.

I have been working with current organisation for 1 year, I work closely, in the work sense and in the physical sense, our desks are about 5ft from each other, with the CEO.

There is constant banter in the office, there are 6 of us in total, however the conversations tend to change when it is just CEO, another colleague and I. CEO is always making jokes that tend to include me alot, even if I haven't been involved in the initial chat. I find he appears to joke in front of others but is different with me one to one. I also feel his gaze lingers a little longer than with others

There was banter earlier today and he made a comment along the lines of, ' if I was married to you, I would have you chained to the sink'. I was a bit taken aback and the conversation ended.

I suppose I am confused if this is just banter or if there is something more to this and I am very conscious this is my boss. I would appreciate any advice.

Help!

OP posts:
MissConductUS · 09/05/2019 15:23

It sounds to me like flirting that is heading towards sexual harassment.

"Chain you to the sink" is really over the top and way beyond banter, at least for me.

Do you get the feeling he is trying it on with you?

Karatema · 09/05/2019 15:25

If he's not married then it's fine; banter back. If he is married then you know it's not fine.

Is he being ambiguous because company policy discourages relationships between staff?

Original poster
user1471514421 · 09/05/2019 15:29

Hi MissConductUS,

Yes sometimes I get that vibe however, I am unsure if I am correct. He has never physically done anything to me, however women things he has said, when I think about them afterwards, it does seem that way.

We had a meeting last week, not a formal performance review, but a chat and he said he would be devastated if I left, then back tracked and said not about your personality just for work. He said I am on his mind.

It's like he says things but manages to dilute it with something about work, that confuses me and I feel like I am imagining things!

OP posts:
Original poster
user1471514421 · 09/05/2019 15:29

He is divorced. I am married!

OP posts:
madcatladyforever · 09/05/2019 15:30

Its a tricky situation as he is the CEO but you cannot let this go. Id talk to him alone and say calmly and pleasantly Look I like banter as much as the next person but I felt very uncomfortable when you said...............
Could we keep it a bit lighter please.

beenandgoneandbackagain · 09/05/2019 15:32

Ugh - he sounds like a right creep. My guess is you are not the first person he has done this with. No doubt he thinks you should be flattered by his attentions.

Original poster
user1471514421 · 09/05/2019 15:36

That's the thing, he doesn't come across as creepy and I wouldn't feel uncomfortable in his company

OP posts:
SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 09/05/2019 15:39

Hes testing the water to see of youd stray

IABUQueen · 09/05/2019 15:39

Aside from everything, isn’t that comment about the sink a bit sexist and offensive ??

Is there anyone in the office who hears him able to support you work through this?

I don’t like men who joke this way. It’s condescending and some men get an ego boost out of putting women down, and when the woman accepts it they end up fancying her because she facilitated their ego boost. A bit toxic me thinks. Especially if you aren’t engaging in similar banter with him and just look shocked.

Power dynamic a bit off. And since you are married, I’d clarify some boundaries and start talking more about DH and your love for him.

Original poster
user1471514421 · 09/05/2019 15:50

I suppose because he is so different in front of others, constant banter at my expense, its confusing, but something telling me he may mean more.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1471514421 · 09/05/2019 15:51

Plus he will strike up conversations when we are alone and cut them when others present. I am quite young for the role I am in compared to others on the team, plus still relatively new to the organisation

OP posts:
Ivgotasecretcanyoukeepit · 09/05/2019 15:52

I give it 3 months and you will be shagging him Grin

On a serious note he is definitely testing the water to see if you’re interested

Original poster
user1471514421 · 09/05/2019 15:53

Ivgotasecretcanyoukeepit that made me laugh

I really dont think I'm into him in that way, but do admire him as a CEO

OP posts:
FreshAprilStart · 09/05/2019 15:54

Don't have a 'serious word' with him as suggested, unless you want to end your career there.

He is testing the ground to see if you're interested.

Are you?

Original poster
user1471514421 · 09/05/2019 15:55

Ivgotasecretcanyoukeepit what makes you think he is testing

OP posts:
FreshAprilStart · 09/05/2019 15:55

If you're not interested, talk about your problems with constipation or piles. That'll put him off.

Original poster
user1471514421 · 09/05/2019 15:57

FreshAprilStart yes that is my fear. I dont think interested, admire him in a work capacity his intelligence etc

OP posts:
Original poster
user1471514421 · 09/05/2019 15:57

FreshAprilStartGrin

OP posts:
beenandgoneandbackagain · 09/05/2019 15:58

Very obvious he is testing the water. I'm not joking when I say you will have shagged him within 3 months.

I've met his type before - he is flattering you, and will push those boundaries further and further.

IABUQueen · 09/05/2019 15:58

“CEO, I was having a conversation last night with DH about your banter. I told him what you said about having me chained to the sink and he laughed and found it so funny.. however I’m glad my husband isn’t like that with me, he does all the washing the dishes and even wants to be the SAHD when we have kids....”

Should put him right off with his idea that you are that sweet girl who would enable his sexism.

Every time he has a private conversation with you, just say “oh that’s funny, I must tell DH, he will laugh his head off”.

Ivgotasecretcanyoukeepit · 09/05/2019 16:01

By saying things like I would be devastated if you left but attempting to package it up as because of your work ethic is a key one.

If you don’t think you’re interested then you definitely are Wink

IABUQueen · 09/05/2019 16:06

You do sound a bit flattered OP. Sorry if I’m wrong...

Be careful. You are married and he might be Realising this.

You first need to have a sit down wirh yourself and check.. is this a sign you need to work on your relationship with DH? Or that you have something affected your self esteem and this guy is manipulative enough to know how to tackle that in a way to flatter you ? The attention and all?

Most of the time these are just reminders that we have neglected ourselves/relationships a bit, and these occasions just Bring people ready to exploit that. Don’t give into it. You are married!

Original poster
user1471514421 · 09/05/2019 16:15

I am in a bit of a spin to be honest. The first day I saw this guy he presented at a conference, absolutely no links whatsoever, I thought wow he is great. He intrigued me.

As it ends up, I am now working alongside him, which to be fair he chased and pursued to try get me to work there (think the coming together of 2 companies) earlier than was planned.

If I am very honest I think there is a tension between us, but I am not sure if this is in my head. I am reading too much into it

OP posts:
Sarcelle · 09/05/2019 16:19

Never shit on your own doorstep. If you do end up having an extra marital affair you will be the loser in the end. It will get awkward. You might have to find another job. You are coming across as flattered and interested. This thread is the equivalent of what teenage girls do - X has said this, what do you think he means, and then the endless discussions about whether he fancies them. He is on the make, he probably has form for it. You would be one in a line of CEO conquests, perk of the job.

IABUQueen · 09/05/2019 16:38

Question is, are you going to do something to ensure you stay loyal to your marriage and this doesn’t get nurtured?its a conscious decision only YOU can make