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Original poster

Relationship with boss

171 replies

user1471514421 · 09/05/2019 15:05

Afternoon everyone

I have a very delicate situation at the moment which I am unsure how to handle or if even need to address.

I have been working with current organisation for 1 year, I work closely, in the work sense and in the physical sense, our desks are about 5ft from each other, with the CEO.

There is constant banter in the office, there are 6 of us in total, however the conversations tend to change when it is just CEO, another colleague and I. CEO is always making jokes that tend to include me alot, even if I haven't been involved in the initial chat. I find he appears to joke in front of others but is different with me one to one. I also feel his gaze lingers a little longer than with others

There was banter earlier today and he made a comment along the lines of, ' if I was married to you, I would have you chained to the sink'. I was a bit taken aback and the conversation ended.

I suppose I am confused if this is just banter or if there is something more to this and I am very conscious this is my boss. I would appreciate any advice.

Help!

OP posts:
WipeYourFeetOnTheRhythmRug · 11/05/2019 02:00

You sound overinvested and a bit in awe of him. He’s just a bloke. Stop hanging on his every word and create a bit of professional distance.

Pantsomime · 11/05/2019 02:03

OP you fancy him, he’s saying he knows & is up for it - his phraseology means he’s in charge & you have more to loose professionally than he does- he’s enjoying sparring with you but keep it at that- he’ll shag & throw you out- he’s warned you that is the score if you take him on. Do your job well whilst applying for others with a
Goal of leaving

SleepingSloth · 11/05/2019 02:33

If you were not interested in him then you wouldn't be analysing everything he says.
If you are unhappy with your husband, either work on that or leave him. If you are happy with your husband then concentrate on your work and don't entertain this man who sounds like a total creep anyway. It won't end well whilst you are thinking about him. He's the boss, if things get messy, he'll be fine, you on the other hand won't.

Motheroffeminists · 11/05/2019 08:56

My mistake re: leaving. I stand by everything else though.

SoHotADragonRetired · 11/05/2019 09:02

This is all written like a bloody Penthouse letter, like ooooh so sexy and interesting, don't you think maybe it's fate?

Get a grip. Your boss is a boundary-pushing sexist who is sexually harassing you/trying to see if you're up for being one of his "perks". It's sordid and grubby and everyday.

Find a better job and tune up your boundaries. You can't work for a CEO who is trying to fuck you.

Motheroffeminists · 11/05/2019 09:45

If your relationship with your husband was solid and your love for him not in question your OP would have a totally different angle. You'd have been saying your boss is being inappropriate and you are wondering if he's hitting on you and what to do about it because he's making things uncomfortable at work. Instead you're flattered and analysing it all in a very much interested way.

Whisky2014 · 11/05/2019 10:14

Chained to sink...like to do housework all day? Wow what an amazing guy.

It sounds like you fancy him, he has picked this up and is testing the waters. I know where this will goo. You're on a shah him and it'll all end badly somewhere down the line but right now you won't acknowledge that or think I'm right, but I am.

How about you tell your husband what your boss said?

TW1 · 11/05/2019 10:55

Just make a formal complaint to HR about his comments then .

TW1 · 11/05/2019 10:56

Even that bloody twit at ted baker had to face the music .

Stripyhoglets · 11/05/2019 11:08

Oh fgs give your head a wobble. He'll have done this before with other women. If he did manage to get you in bed he'd probably want rid of you from work too if you started to get needy/talk about or actually do leave your husband. I've seen men like this operate over the years - and on the one occasion when it happened to me and i did not reciprocate l was massively blanked at work. Luckily not somewhere where he could sack me from or block my career as i moved to another dept. He'll be making you feel like this cos he does find you attractive but I'd predict its got nowhere to go that won't lead you to trouble.

Original poster
user1471514421 · 11/05/2019 21:39

Look I take on board all your comments, I admit this guy intrigues me but I wont act on it.

What exactly makes u all think he is interested because all of his comments have a work spin on them so u could be reading too much into it because of my thoughts. Just returned from a weekend conference, I went up to him as I left to thank him and he said safe home and winked at me. Not sure if this is usual??

He has def never done this before, he has had several advances from women in work before and never went there

OP posts:
SoHotADragonRetired · 11/05/2019 21:44

What exactly makes u all think he is interested because all of his comments have a work spin on them so u could be reading too much into it

Oh please, how naive are you? He's trying it on! You know it! We know it! The Queen knows it! His intentions are visible from space!

The real question is: why the fuck would you be "intrigued" by someone who's hitting on a married woman who works for him with winning repulsive lines about chaining you to the sink?

Whisky2014 · 11/05/2019 21:46

I honestly don't give a shit. The fact you keep fishing for clues as to why we think he is interested says it all.

Just fuck him and get it over with.

Original poster
user1471514421 · 11/05/2019 21:51

SoHotADragonRetired maybe I am naive, but seriously his comment about being devastated if I left was followed up with it not being about my personality that he gets on with some people not others etc. A full explanation to undo what he said. I'm not sure if I am explaining it properly but I would normally know this straight away but am doubting myself because of my own thoughts.

One comment does not make up the entirety of a person, I admire his work ethic, talent intelligence nothing to do with attraction

Also just because I'm married doesn't stop normal thoughts

OP posts:
Original poster
user1471514421 · 11/05/2019 21:52

Whisky2014

Why so angry? Seriously?

OP posts:
SoHotADragonRetired · 11/05/2019 21:55

Oh FFS. Whisky is right, you're cooing like a schoolgirl. "Oh, but do you think he really likes me? Tell me again." How are you old enough to be married and hold a professional job?

You're clearly going to fuck him, so just tell your husband now and let him go.

SleepingSloth · 11/05/2019 22:01

What exactly makes u all think he is interested because all of his comments have a work spin on them so u could be reading too much into it because of my thoughts

Some men do this. It's a way of testing the waters but saves his embarrassment if the other person isn't interested. They're usually arseholes who won't ever show any vulnerability.....not attractive at all IMO. You sound like a teenager with a crush, if your husband is a decent man, I feel very sorry for him. You are spending time thinking of another man, how would you feel if your husband was obsessing about another woman? This is a disaster waiting to happen.

SleepingSloth · 11/05/2019 22:03

Also men like this can spot easily flattered women a mile off....you won't be the first he's used these 'tactics' on....yuk!😷

Original poster
user1471514421 · 11/05/2019 22:05

SoHotADragonRetired I think you are slightly jumping the gun here. I am not going to sleep with this guy, absolutely not.

I am trying to handle this delicately, but need to see I am not mistaken.

I was abused as a child, throughout my life, I have found it difficult to manage things in this space and boundaries.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1471514421 · 11/05/2019 22:07

SleepingSloth, that's the thing, he doesn't really flatter me, it's a very odd one

OP posts:
Mythreefavouritethings · 11/05/2019 22:13

God these threads are depressing. Why are people’s standards so bloody low? What is wrong with you that this crap is remotely appealing? Stop fangirling, if power intrigues you this much, get some career development yourself. In answer to the question about evidence he might like you, there is none to say he genuinely does. He is calling the shots, and by your reaction is doing a remarkably good job. The only positive is that surely many other women have seen right through him and maintained their dignity whilst puncturing his ego. Anyway, hey-ho, if this is how you want to spend your time away from work...

SleepingSloth · 11/05/2019 22:14

SleepingSloth, that's the thing, he doesn't really flatter me, it's a very odd one

Fgs....he's just playing a clever game, at least he thinks he is. It does work on some women, it's working on you after all. I don't know what to say if you can't see it, I get frustrated by women who are taken in by crap like this from men like this. It's so obvious. You are married, go and spend some time with your husband, your life is with him. When you are at work, get on with your job. Sorry, but you are flattered as you wouldn't be on here. It how affairs start. All this 'I admire him in a work capacity' is bullshit. If you want to wreck your life, your husbands life, your work life, carry on.

Mythreefavouritethings · 11/05/2019 22:14

Reading your recent updates, even worse. Come on, OP, walk away. You’re worth more. Seriously.

Original poster
user1471514421 · 11/05/2019 22:15

Mythreefavouritethings, what do you mean he is calling the shots?

I am an intelligent person, but I am so struggling with this and cant see what you guys are seeing.

OP posts:
SleepingSloth · 11/05/2019 22:19

I am an intelligent person, but I am so struggling with this and cant see what you guys are seeing.

You either trust what loads of women here are saying or learn the hard way.

You are married, there is something seriously wrong if you are obsessing over another man who's playing games.