Relationship with boss

[user1471514421]

Afternoon everyone

I have a very delicate situation at the moment which I am unsure how to handle or if even need to address.

I have been working with current organisation for 1 year, I work closely, in the work sense and in the physical sense, our desks are about 5ft from each other, with the CEO.

There is constant banter in the office, there are 6 of us in total, however the conversations tend to change when it is just CEO, another colleague and I. CEO is always making jokes that tend to include me alot, even if I haven't been involved in the initial chat. I find he appears to joke in front of others but is different with me one to one. I also feel his gaze lingers a little longer than with others

There was banter earlier today and he made a comment along the lines of, ' if I was married to you, I would have you chained to the sink'. I was a bit taken aback and the conversation ended.

I suppose I am confused if this is just banter or if there is something more to this and I am very conscious this is my boss. I would appreciate any advice.

Help!

user1471514421 if this was your DH writing about a female boss at work and you read this thread back, what would you think?

sleepingsloth nails it here.

He is testing the water and is the person holding all the cards right now and he will continue to hold the cards. Even if you do stray into an emotional/physical affair, he holds the cards.

If you're excited at the idea of him being interested then you're already playing with fire and he's probably picked up on the fact you're curious at least.

Behave professionally and focus on your job.

I do trust you guys but I dont need anger when this is a genuine struggle. I'm trying to establish this so I can deal with this but also if this situation ever arises again.

Abuse is so damaging and boundaries is a struggle

Aside from me not doing anything, he has had lots of opportunities as I said within the organisation before and has never gone there, so I am sure this is no different. He is a very controlled person

Here it is. It’s Saturday not get, no work, time to just relax, put your feet up, switch off. But he’s in your head. Not just fleetingly. He is occupying enough of your head space that you’re here, thinking about him, trying to get into his head, find out his motives. Maybe he wants a shag, maybe he’s head over heels (he’s not, by the way), maybe it’s just marking time, who knows? Doesn’t matter, though, does it, because you’re definitely not going there, hey?

Night, not ‘notget’!

Mythreefavouritethings I have been in his company the past 2 days, this winking happened a few hours ago. It's not like I finished work 2 days ago and am still pondering, but I get your point

No struggle, OP, nothing to understand, no need to worry about future situations or to try to unpick this. You’re married. He’s your boss. He is making stupid comments, doesn’t even have the charm. That’s all you need to know. Stick on a favourite film, make a hot drink, get out of this headspace and give him no more thought.

I will do my best

Christ, it gets worse. I'm embarrassed for you. All the faux naïveté is cringeable. We are all wasting our time here. Make sure your CV is up to date for when working there becomes unbearable because you fucked the boss, or because you wouldn't fuck the boss and he's pissed of about it. Maybe stop for just one minute and think about how you would feel if it was your husband swooning over his female boss and acting all coy and innocent and flattered and not giving you a second thought because you know, "normal thoughts."
You need to grow up and stop playing with fire before you set off a cluster fuck that wrecks your marriage, your job, and your mental health.

has never gone there

A bloke I was seeing at work for a year against company policy never told anyone and neither did I. I know no one suspected because his boss hit on me at the Christmas party and delightfully told him I was 'frigid' because I turned him down. I should have sued thinking back. Awful place.

You have no idea if he's 'gone there'.

Be kinder to yourself, you deserve better. Hope you get a decent night’s rest, do something for you tomorrow.

I am not doing anything with this guy!! There is nothing going on!

Yuk. It's not actually 'normal feelings' to lust after some sexist prick when you're married.

"Ooooh are you sure he likes me?" Grow the fuck up and act like the married woman you are. I feel sorry for your husband.

I have been told from colleagues, without asking, things that have happened on nights out and he has never done anything

I am not lusting after him, thinking of sleeping with him etc etc. Can I not admire someone because he is a man and I an a woman?

It's cringe worthy. What would you think if your husband was mooning after his boss like this?

I have been told from colleagues, without asking, things that have happened on nights out and he has never done anything

It doesn't matter whether he has or hasn't. It doesn't matter whether he 'likes' you or not. YOU ARE MARRIED ! If that doesn't mean that nothing he says, does or feels matters, then I give up.

I'm sorry to hear you had bad experiences as a child. Don't let this ruin your future.

I mean don't let this man ruin your future.

I'm sorry to be blunt but you're being pathetic. You can admire someone but to come on here like some stupid love sick unsure teenager asking of he REALLY likes you is just embarrassing.

Get a grip.

Ooooh maybe it's fate. Maybe you're soul mates and you should divorce your husband and ride off into the sunset with your destiny. Maybe you should check first though by doing one of those multiple choice love quizzes that are in teen magazines. Or pluck a daisy - he loves me, he loves me not...

I am not asking if he likes me, I am asking am I reading more into his comments than there is or are they purely work related.

SleepingSloth, thank you for that

I am not asking if he likes me, I am asking am I reading more into his comments than there is or are they purely work related.

No one can say for definite. To me he sounds like he's playing a good game. I've definitely had men try to do this to me and know women who have fallen for their charms.

What is definite is that you are married, so again, it doesn't matter what he thinks or feels about you, unless you want to end your relationship with your husband. That doesn't appear to be the case so you need to stop giving any thought to this man.

I am not asking if he likes me, I am asking am I reading more into his comments than there is
The consensus is that he is trying it on.

Who knows, you may be reading too much into It, you may not be. The fact remains that late on a Saturday night you're musing over whether your boss might fancy you.

SleepingSloth you say you have had men do this to you. Was it a work scenario and how did u manage it? You were able to recognise it in the first place?