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Original poster

Relationship with boss

171 replies

user1471514421 · 09/05/2019 15:05

Afternoon everyone

I have a very delicate situation at the moment which I am unsure how to handle or if even need to address.

I have been working with current organisation for 1 year, I work closely, in the work sense and in the physical sense, our desks are about 5ft from each other, with the CEO.

There is constant banter in the office, there are 6 of us in total, however the conversations tend to change when it is just CEO, another colleague and I. CEO is always making jokes that tend to include me alot, even if I haven't been involved in the initial chat. I find he appears to joke in front of others but is different with me one to one. I also feel his gaze lingers a little longer than with others

There was banter earlier today and he made a comment along the lines of, ' if I was married to you, I would have you chained to the sink'. I was a bit taken aback and the conversation ended.

I suppose I am confused if this is just banter or if there is something more to this and I am very conscious this is my boss. I would appreciate any advice.

Help!

OP posts:
Motheroffeminists · 11/05/2019 23:07

What does it matter? Why do you care? If you're not going to act on it then all this pondering and hand wringing and adolescent angst is pointless. If you weren't interested you'd just ignore it and get on with you job, but the lady doth protest too much.

You're not listening though so all this is pointless.

Original poster
user1471514421 · 11/05/2019 23:07

Well I am glad most of you are perfect and you never have to think things through or have any thoughts about anyone else but your perfect husbands and lives

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 11/05/2019 23:10

I love the 'you must be perfect' line. It almost always comes out when an OP doesn't like the replies.

Nobody is claiming to be perfect.

Lots of people are saying there's a good chance he is trying it on and you need to disengage, remain professional and not spend your time thinking about if he fancies you or not. Otherwise (as a PP said earlier) it comes across like you're itching to be told repeatedly that of course he is interested in you, he clearly fancies you etc

YemenRoadYemen · 11/05/2019 23:13

I am asking am I reading more into his comments than there is

Unless you are intending to behave differently depending on the answer to this - why does it matter...?

SleepingSloth · 11/05/2019 23:17

SleepingSloth you say you have had men do this to you. Was it a work scenario and how did u manage it? You were able to recognise it in the first place?

Yes, at work. Growing up I had a very crap father and was very determined that I wouldn't ever get taken in and treated badly by any other man. I was and still am very cynical about men like this. I just acted professionally and talked about my partner when possible. Their egos can only take so much so they give up eventually. If you are always professional and others have a good opinion of you, everything will be fine.

Ormally · 11/05/2019 23:18

Yes, they are purely work-related. You are no more special to Mr Boss Man than other similarly susceptible female colleagues. Yes, you are reading more into his comments than he intended.
Ok, so how does that make you feel? If the answer is 'disappointed', the issue is probably with you, no?
If however it is 'relieved that's cleared up', then see it for what it is and diminish the whole palaver rapidly, own that you value your job more than a bit of a crush on the kindly and suave silver fox top guy type, and work out what kind of a light this throws on yourself and your relationship, or you may well find yourself back there with other comparable people in the future. Whoever said that he was consuming your headspace at home, on a Saturday night, has it very right...this gives away your interest. Let's say the woman at the next desk to yours confides something much the same to you one day, and gives the reactions that you have given to some of these points. What do you reckon you would think then?

Whisky2014 · 11/05/2019 23:18

I do trust you guys but I dont need anger when this is a genuine struggle.

What is a struggle?
I'm actually confused what you're going on about now.

Btw I'm not angry, I just can't be doing pandering to your fake naievity. You want to flirt with him, you want him to be interested in you..

FreshAprilStart · 11/05/2019 23:18

In the nicest way, you really should realise that by posting on here you are giving this attraction life and attention then feeding it. It's a way of making it closer to being something.

Like I posted way back, start talking about your haemorrhoids and watch him move on.

Original poster
user1471514421 · 11/05/2019 23:20

SleepingSloth thanks for sharing your scenario. I suppose because he is my boss am I trusting his motives are only as my boss.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1471514421 · 11/05/2019 23:23

I completely accept the issue is with me, I have said that already. I have worked so hard in this role and I have definitely placed a lot of worth in what he says, whether that is right or wrong

OP posts:
SleepingSloth · 11/05/2019 23:28

SleepingSloth thanks for sharing your scenario. I suppose because he is my boss am I trusting his motives are only as my boss.

A good boss is professional and wouldn't say the things he's said. Again, it doesn't matter what his motives are, if you are not interested in him. If you are, then you are playing with fire. It has a very high chance of destroying your entire life. If you think the abuse you suffered in your past is affecting you now, I would advise you to get help for that.

Mythreefavouritethings · 11/05/2019 23:30

Starting to feel like I’m at a slumber party here. So, let’s just go with slightly creepy boss, put him on stand-by as to whether it’s anything more and if so elevate him to dirty old creep status and deal with it then. Can someone turn the lights out now please?

Original poster
user1471514421 · 11/05/2019 23:33

SleepingSloth thank you, you have been honest but kind

OP posts:
Pantsomime · 11/05/2019 23:34

OP if you are still wondering why not run all your quandaries by your DH?

Original poster
user1471514421 · 11/05/2019 23:34

I suppose I thought this guy was just trying to help me with my career, that he really believed in me, my ability etc

OP posts:
Ormally · 11/05/2019 23:35

You've worked so hard in this role. He professes to be hard on you and he admits it...so hopefully the prospect of being his beloved, his work wife (but willing to imagine if you really were chained to the kitchen sink as a necessary side condition of this), shouldn't be especially appealing then?

Whisky2014 · 11/05/2019 23:36

Right, and so what if he is? You are making a mountain out of a molehill

Ormally · 11/05/2019 23:38

Oh, and listen out in case he ever describes you as 'loyal' (I think it might be coming) - especially to somebody else who may tell you. Think very hard about a dark side to 'loyal'. It is not easy to swallow, but consider - it's not purely a compliment.

pinkgloves · 11/05/2019 23:40

He's grooming you.

Original poster
user1471514421 · 11/05/2019 23:41

Ormally do you mind explaining what you mean

OP posts:
SleepingSloth · 11/05/2019 23:41

SleepingSloth thank you, you have been honest but kind

I think most people on here haven't meant to be unkind. I think many women just get frustrated with other women getting taken in by men like this and wasting energy on them.

I suppose I thought this guy was just trying to help me with my career, that he really believed in me, my ability

This may be the case. We don't know anything for definite on here. But remember, whatever his motives, it doesn't change how hard you have worked or how good you are at your job.

xsquared · 11/05/2019 23:42

I suppose I thought this guy was just trying to help me with my career, that he really believed in me, my ability etc

In an ideal world, our line managers would be someone we can trust and who recognises our talents and encourage us with our careers. I have worked for some lovely managers and some who couldn't give a damn how good anyone is in their job, but will use and abuse them.

At a minimum, I think your boss' comments and behaviour are unprofessional. He seems to want some kind of reaction from you and it's clearly working. I would keep him at arm's length. He is your boss, not your friend.

Original poster
user1471514421 · 11/05/2019 23:42

Pinkgloves that is a serious statement

OP posts:
Original poster
user1471514421 · 11/05/2019 23:45

SleepingSloth yes I have worked so hard, by my own and his admission, I am excellent at my job.

He has told me my work is excellent, that I need to work on me as a person. I see now, I have placed so much emphasis on pleasing him, maybe I have lost sight of how far I should go to please my boss

OP posts:
Sarcelle · 11/05/2019 23:45

He is making you feel special. It's a ploy and you are buying it hook line etc.

He wants an office shag, you are his latest target, you are so flattered but shouldn't be. You are being played. Your colleagues do not know who he has shagged in the past. People can be discreet.

You are special, to your husband, not some random guy in the office who will drop you big time once you succumb to his dubious charms.

You love this thread, don't you? Like being back at school.

Time to grow up, you sound like a teenager.