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Original poster

Relationship with boss

171 replies

user1471514421 · 09/05/2019 15:05

Afternoon everyone

I have a very delicate situation at the moment which I am unsure how to handle or if even need to address.

I have been working with current organisation for 1 year, I work closely, in the work sense and in the physical sense, our desks are about 5ft from each other, with the CEO.

There is constant banter in the office, there are 6 of us in total, however the conversations tend to change when it is just CEO, another colleague and I. CEO is always making jokes that tend to include me alot, even if I haven't been involved in the initial chat. I find he appears to joke in front of others but is different with me one to one. I also feel his gaze lingers a little longer than with others

There was banter earlier today and he made a comment along the lines of, ' if I was married to you, I would have you chained to the sink'. I was a bit taken aback and the conversation ended.

I suppose I am confused if this is just banter or if there is something more to this and I am very conscious this is my boss. I would appreciate any advice.

Help!

OP posts:
Original poster
user1471514421 · 09/05/2019 16:55

I never said I had any intention of doing anything, I haven't been even sure if he had any intentions!

I want to protect myself my job and my marriage

OP posts:
horizontalis · 09/05/2019 16:56

UST alert Grin

Original poster
user1471514421 · 09/05/2019 17:08

horizontalis what does that mean

OP posts:
FreshAprilStart · 09/05/2019 19:05

If you want to protect your marriage, change jobs and get away from CEI. If the thought of that horrifies and pains you, leave your DH and see what happens with your boss.

Either or.

The two things are not compatible as it stands.

horizontalis · 09/05/2019 19:07

UST = Unresolved Sexual Tension

I think it's usually used when talking about characters in films and tv programmes, that's where I heard it anyway.

Original poster
user1471514421 · 09/05/2019 19:12

I think leaving my job would be drastic, there is nothing actively happening and I have no intention of making it happen.

I suppose my concern was I reading more into this than there is or is what he is saying usual?

OP posts:
Putthatlampshadeonyourhead · 09/05/2019 19:14

If nothing is going to happen, you are nor uncomfortable around him.....why would it matter if you were or werent reading too much into it.

IABUQueen · 09/05/2019 19:20

Op but you being flattered and entertaining the thoughts is going to lead to emotional cheating...

Then if he comes up to you and tries to start something what will you do/say?

I’m not suggesting you plan on starting anything, but clearly he is testing the waters.. so the test is on you to show him that this is forbidden territory.

You being flattered isn’t helping and so you need to make a choice.

I don’t blame you for being flattered but I do if you don’t take control of the situation.

Original poster
user1471514421 · 09/05/2019 20:54

I suppose I have found it difficult to establish if he is trying to start something vs just being a normal supportive manager.

However the comment today really made me start to think about where is head is at or is it just a throw away comment.

There is a 15 year age gap, if I saw him on the street I wouldn't look twice at him, so why is this tension here?

Dont want to mess up my job but need to establish if there is crossing of boundaries

OP posts:
Putthatlampshadeonyourhead · 10/05/2019 06:23

Probably because he is in a position of power. I have always found myself attracted to men who are the 'own the room' type.

My ex boss was like this. Did own any room, he was in. Every meeting we were in he managed to get the outcome he wanted. His mood radiated off him. If he was stressed, you could tell from walking into work before you saw him.

He wasnt attractive. Though I did fancy him a little bit. Although not sure if I did fancy him. It was more admire and he taught me loads about how to own a room and own a meeting and managing relationships with directors etc. But now I am in my 30s, I recognise that actually theres actually huge downsides to men like that. We were good friends though. We never flirted either and he always was respectful to me.

Original poster
user1471514421 · 10/05/2019 23:31

Putthatlampshadeonyourhead I can relate to your post, the power and owning a room.

This guy has helped me so much with trying to build my confidence in my role. He said he wants to help me.

So that's why I'm finding this difficult to manoeuvre, I dont see any flirting really, just sometimes his comments make me stop and think

OP posts:
Original poster
user1471514421 · 10/05/2019 23:32

I suppose I am in a way looking for his approval, as this will be a sign I will have made it.

He is super critical of my work and admits he is tough on me

OP posts:
TW1 · 10/05/2019 23:47

Don’t get involved with him. It is the biggest mistake you will make .

further your career agenda and prospects as far as you can and find a new job ASAP

He’s looking for sex is flirting with you on the sly , he doesn’t want the others to know because he isn’t going to declare his love or buy you flowers this is just some office fun for him
Don’t embarrass yourself .be a strong woman and don’t waste your time on this

Don’t go anywhere alone with him .

Good luck

Motheroffeminists · 10/05/2019 23:49

Your poor husband. "Leaving him would be drastic." No talk of how you love your husband at all. It's all about you wondering if your boss really fancies you because oooh isn't that exciting. You're flattered by a sexist prick who makes jokes about chaining you to the kitchen sink. Seriously? If you weren't married I'd be querying why your relationship bar is set so low as to be dragging on the floor. As you are married, I'm querying why you are so obsessed with your boss and spending all this time agonising over him like some love struck teenager with a crush on an older boy. I'm embarrassed for you.

TW1 · 10/05/2019 23:49

He’s only helping you to get close to you . Don’t be under any illusions and don’t base your self esteem in your job based on what he thinks . It’s what you think about how well you are doing that matters . Don’t depend emotionally or for your confidence or self esteem on this dip shit . He will manipulate you.

Sorry

TW1 · 10/05/2019 23:50

And by the way, men like this have done all this shit before .

Sorry again

YemenRoadYemen · 10/05/2019 23:55

' if I was married to you, I would have you chained to the sink'.

Doesn't this just put you off him in one fell swoop?

Who thinks, let alone says, that?

Original poster
user1471514421 · 10/05/2019 23:57

Motheroffeminists I never said leaving my husband would be drastic. I said leaving g my job would be drastic.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1471514421 · 11/05/2019 00:00

I'm trying not to fuck up my career, as u said I have no intentions of jumping into bed with this guy!

I dont need to explain my love for my husband, that is not in doubt.

Thinks guy publicly makes jokes at my expense but is so different when alone I cant make it out, I'm tired of it

OP posts:
Original poster
user1471514421 · 11/05/2019 00:01

I think it was an off the cuff comment

OP posts:
Original poster
user1471514421 · 11/05/2019 00:02

Also, since when, as a woman, has it become not ok if a guy happens to pay a little attention even if woman is married

OP posts:
IABUQueen · 11/05/2019 00:38

It’s how you are looking at the situation OP. Give yourself a break from all this and look back with fresh eyes in a month time. You might cringe at how you sound here. You do sound like you are wanting something to be there which is troubling seeing how you are married

MrsTerryPratchett · 11/05/2019 00:52

You're flattered by a sexist prick who makes jokes about chaining you to the kitchen sink. Seriously?

Low low standards. For employer and crush.

SilverySurfer · 11/05/2019 01:40

I think you are flattered at attention from the boss and I bet you flirt back. If you valued your marriage you would be putting a stop to this. It's not difficult to let him know you're not interested without having to tell him outright but my guess is you won't do anything as I think you enjoy it too much. As for his comment about chaining you to the sink, he sounds like a sexist neanderthal.

ilovesooty · 11/05/2019 01:52

Is he your line manager?

He sounds an absolute sexist creep quite frankly and yes, your sound as though you welcome his attentions.

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