Why don't men get a choice attempt 2

[zombee]

Previous thread deleted.
I am curious as to why men who have been lied to by women hoping to fall pregnant should be held responsible for the child (providing they did everything they could on their part to prevent pregnancy whilst enjoying a healthy sex life as a human with desires should be able to do).
I don't see why they don't get the choice to walk away and say they didn't want this, they did everything they could to stop it but they were lied to and so they weren't as protected as they thought.
Yes the child loses out on a father and possibly child maintenance depending on just how much the father walks away but the mother should be prepared to explain this when the child is old enough as it is her fault as she lied specifically to fall pregnant knowing the father didn't want this.
I don't think men should get a say in abortion for many reasons but in the same breath I don't think women should be able to "trap" men in this way when they know exactly how the man feels.
When both people use contraception such as the pill and a condom and still an accident happens then I believe maybe the man should be held slightly more accountable as there was no deception, just something went wrong in the universe that day and a child was conceived. That might not make sense as both the lied to man and the man who just got unlucky are in the same situation really but I guess the difference is the lied to man had less of a choice because he didn't know the full story even though he believed he did.
I also don't understand why a man pretending to use a condom is a rapist but a woman pretending to use contraception is just a horrible person who faces no real consequences.

I assume this is a goady thread/TAAT and will be banned, but since I was about to post on the other and then forgot and it exploded.

1. Blokes who sleep with someone they don't know very well without a condom only have themselves to blame if it "turns out" that she lied about being on the pill. Why the fuck would you trust someone's word about something like that when you barely know them? Assume fertile unless you can 100% trust otherwise. Even if you're fairly sure she's not lying, you don't know that she knows how to take the pill correctly. I mean just take some responsibility for yourself, don't leave it all up to a stranger and then act aggrieved when it goes wrong.

1. OK, everyone makes mistakes, I'm not going to go on about it if a bloke has done the former and wound up with a child on the way - but in that case - face up to the mistake and own the responsibility. You absolutely don't get to go "But but she said... but it was her fault". No... you got someone pregnant, regardless of the circumstances of that, it's a dick move to decide that you don't have any responsibility for the situation.

1. All thoughts of blame, fault, fairness etc aside, assuming she goes through with the pregnancy there will be a real child existing which is your flesh and blood. Don't you want to look out for that child and make sure he/she is OK in whichever way you can? Nobody is saying that a man in this situation has to have a relationship with the child's mother, and it might not necessarily be about money, but if you don't have that drive to protect and care for a child you created that's an astonishing lack of empathy, TBH.

BertieBotts

With the best will in the world though - how does a man who wants to be involved manage that if the mother decides that she doesn't want him to be? That isn't right either.

My nan did this. She refused my dad contact with his father and told my dad that he was dead. He wasn't. She took my dad's half siblings to see this man regularly - just not my dad. (obviously no one knew who this man was).

TAAT so probably get taken down but I do feel some degree of sympathy for a man tricked into getting a woman pregnant - and IF she said she was on the pill when she wasn't, then yes he was tricked.

I agree with this I also don't understand why a man pretending to use a condom is a rapist but a woman pretending to use contraception is just a horrible person who faces no real consequences.

It would be a cop out for every prospective father,that's why.

It's about rights of the child being born. Regardless of the circumstances in which they were conceived both parents are responsible for them. Too many parents of even wanted children opt out of supporting their child.

How anyone can deny a child of their own making stumps me. I can't imagine walking away from my child and taking no responsibility just because she was a surprise/not planned.

I also don't understand why a man pretending to use a condom is a rapist but a woman pretending to use contraception is just a horrible person who faces no real consequences

And stupid post of the day goes to....

Also If a man willingly had sex with a woman, protected or otherwise, it is not impossible that she "tricked him" 🙄🙄

So the other way round us that a man really wants a baby and has to try a million times with lots of women. And some get pregnant but abort.
Same deal. Men don’t get a choice because they don’t get pregnant.

Men used to be given custody of children in Victorian times. In those days kids were worth money as they could work.

Making men responsible is no bad thing. If it was properly enforced more men would ensure they wore condoms and less accidents would happen.

So how about a man who has previously had a vasectomy who enters a relationship with a woman who he knows wants a child, but he never admits that he can't have children?

Decomposing - that's what family courts are for.

Obviously if he doesn't know, then he can't do anything but this is in the presumptive situation that the man knows about the pregnancy/child.

Nesssie - surely there is context involved? Just telling somebody something doesn't mean they are tricking you. If I told you I was a surgeon and I could operate on you and you believed me I would still be in the wrong for stealing your kidney, but you'd be bloody stupid to have fallen for it.

Bit different if they've been in a relationship for years and he trusts her to if they've been dating for a couple of months and he just believes her blindly when she says she's on the pill.

I do not think this is a case of men being naively trusting. I think this is a case of men thinking "Oh well if she gets up the duff it's not my problem". That's quite astounding really.

Oh no men can't spunk into whoever they want whenever they want because it might result in a baby. That's hardly a new thing is it, it's the whole point of sex and you know, a biological reality.