Why don't men get a choice attempt 2

[zombee]

Previous thread deleted.
I am curious as to why men who have been lied to by women hoping to fall pregnant should be held responsible for the child (providing they did everything they could on their part to prevent pregnancy whilst enjoying a healthy sex life as a human with desires should be able to do).
I don't see why they don't get the choice to walk away and say they didn't want this, they did everything they could to stop it but they were lied to and so they weren't as protected as they thought.
Yes the child loses out on a father and possibly child maintenance depending on just how much the father walks away but the mother should be prepared to explain this when the child is old enough as it is her fault as she lied specifically to fall pregnant knowing the father didn't want this.
I don't think men should get a say in abortion for many reasons but in the same breath I don't think women should be able to "trap" men in this way when they know exactly how the man feels.
When both people use contraception such as the pill and a condom and still an accident happens then I believe maybe the man should be held slightly more accountable as there was no deception, just something went wrong in the universe that day and a child was conceived. That might not make sense as both the lied to man and the man who just got unlucky are in the same situation really but I guess the difference is the lied to man had less of a choice because he didn't know the full story even though he believed he did.
I also don't understand why a man pretending to use a condom is a rapist but a woman pretending to use contraception is just a horrible person who faces no real consequences.

Of course my apologies @isabellerossignol you're absolutely right!

MN is hilarious sometimes. Children in the UK owed £4billion in child maintenance, almost exclusively from men, and the poor menz who just wanted to use a woman as a wank sick are the real victims when it comes to parenthood. Boo fucking hoo

*sock not sick

As far as I can remember, the deleted thread was "To not want to be a part of this child's life". HTH

Today 20:45 PurpleDaisies

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3573668-Forced-Parenthood-AIBU?pg=1&order=

Isn’t this the “deleted” thread?

I think I understand the point you're making OP But I have a few questions. If the father doesn't want to pay for the child but does want contact, should they be allowed to see their child or does the mother have the right of veto? If they've never contributed and legally terminated (for want of a better term)but would like to build a relationship later in life do you think they should be allowed to?

You are so NOT a pregnant woman. And what is it that these hideous scheming women plan? Their plan is trapping some idiot (im guessing you or your ilk). Some prize. Here is the answer to your question. It is about the child..... The child that did not lie and has the right to the support of the father.

My viewpoint is very simply if a man tried to prevent a pregnancy, believed the woman was doing the same but wasn't, and has proof that the woman was deceptive then I don't think he should be responsible.

yes but you haven't answered the question as to whether you think he would be a decent human being or a piece of scum to do this? An adult - male or female - who uses a loophole to abandon any responsibility for a small child dependent on its parents - is despicable? Surely you agree with that. Or would you be friends and support a man who calmly says "I have no idea how my child is being supported, don't ever think about it and I will have no contact with her because I was lied to about contraception so she shouldn't exist - she can go whistle for all I care" Would you?

Actually I think you ARE a man like that.

On a slight side note, if I were single and met a man who had legally disowned his child, there is no way I would pursue a relationship with him. I have a feeling that many other women would feel the same way. For one, you'd have absolutely no trust that he wouldn't abandon you and and any future children, you would know how he views women, you would know he was selfish, and, tbh, morally an arsehole. In the same way, I wouldn't have anything to do with any man who had a child but didn't do everything in his power to see them and, more importantly, pay for them.

OP, if you are a woman, if you found out that your DP/DH had previously abandoned his child, would you honestly have pursued a relationship with him? Would you have chosen to have a baby with him?

I'd call you a thick cunt, but that would be a disservice to actual ones. Bugger off, goady troll.

The child actually exists as a person in it's own right, it's not just some extension of the mother. Two people created it so two people are responsible for providing for it.

That small human beings rights aren't trumped by your spiteful desire to ensure women are punished for the alleged and unprovable "crime" of tricking some poor naive innocent man who couldn't possibly have known pregnancy results from sex into fertilizing an egg.

Men; we are concerned about accidental pregnancies and being financially liable for a child we didn't want.

Also men; we don't like using condoms and positively run away when the offer to develop hormonal contraception for men is made.

There will be problems proving that they did everything they could to prevent a pregnancy

These types won't be satisfied with anything less than being able to force an abortion, by law.

Should mums be forced to allow fathers who support and want a relationship with their child, to have one?

It can't be right that a. mother can move miles away with a child but then expect the father to pay to support that child with no hope of a relationship with it can it?

Maybe women and men need to stop having recreational sex until both sides can be grown up enough to deal with the consequences maturely.

If a woman was totally innocent and it was a pure accident then she shouldn't have to go it alone but if she lied to get pregnant I don't see why she shouldn't suck it up when things don't go according to her disgusting plan.
It makes no difference to the resulting child if the mother was scheming or not. Child maintenance is to help support the child. Kid still needs to eat, and wear shoes etc.

"Seriously, how many women lie to get pregnant? It’s just a sexist myth"

This actually happened to a member of my family, and was told by his girlfriend (and she told me this also so I know it's definitely true) that due to past medical problems she had to have her tubes tied and was now incapable of having children. She was pregnant a few weeks later. She told several other major whoppers also. That situation it would be fair for a man to assume that he doesn't need to get a vasectomy or use other protection imo.

That being said, I do think that the prevalence of this is SO rare and overinflated mostly by MRA's deadbeat dads and that it would be impractical and unfair to attempt to police.

It's really very simple.

Wear a condom each and every time you have sex (latex free available 👍🏻) until the point at which you wish to conceive a child.

Understand that condoms are only 97% effective if used correctly and accept this risk, or abstain from sex.

If you chose not to wrap before you tap, don't bitch about the end result.

It can't be right that a. mother can move miles away with a child but then expect the father to pay to support that child with no hope of a relationship with it can it?

Children cost money, it's not a condition of keeping them fed and alive that they must stay in close proximity at all times to a NRP

Children cost money, it's not a condition of keeping them fed and alive that they must stay in close proximity at all times to a NRP hmm
Yes they do cost money. They also deserve to have a relationship with both parents. Why is it ok for one parent to actively prevent the other from having that relationship?

No one is saying it is @DecomposingComposers. This thread is about men who don't want to have a relationship with their child. But no matter where your child is in the world you should always pay for their upbringing.

@GunpowderGelatine

Yes they should always pay. Equally both partners need to consider how prepared they are to possibly have to co parent with this person before they risk a pregnancy.

In my entire life as a single woman not a single man I slept with apart from my future husband suggested wearing a condom or asked if I was on contraception before we had sex. I was the one who always insisted on it. This was how three of my single girlfriends got pregnant and then the fathers decided they were tricked!!! Not one of them lied to the guys its just that men assumed that the women had contraception covered and didn't like wearing condoms. IF YOU HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX BE PREPARED TO BE A FATHER.

But is it not the woman's responsibility to protect herself?

So a man doesn't offer to wear a condom - surely the reply to that is "bye then"? Why do some women accept such behaviour?

People show you who they are. You don't have to accept it.

These girlfriends all wanted babies though and hoped that the men would step up as they must have wanted them too if they didn't use any protection or ask about it. Turns out they were all just selfish cunts who felt that contraception or having a child was the woman's problem and have had nothing to do with the kids.

StillIRise87

But again that's infantalising women isn't it? They had choices. They chose to risk getting pregnant with a bloke who may or may not step up. Just why? That's a child you are creating. Both parties need to wise up a bit and realise that this has consequences.

Is nobody these days concerned about STIs? They're another bloody good reason for using a condom with a new partner.