Do you have problems? I can solve them all.

[pineapplebryanbrown]

Hello, I'm Thigh. I will work with you to help you achieve the perfect balance in life. I am unfettered by knowledge or training as are my on call team of kindly agony aunts. We're ready to heal you.

Phew. I’d looked up the verb ‘to kill’ but was unsure of the pronunciation.

Oh boo, I missed the French. Probably for the best as google translate would have struggled to cope with my demands.

Je suis en Angleterre. Sorry about your arse Thigh. I was very impressed with the French, cabal.

You’ll all be pleased to know I got my knife back.

Merci, et bien fait je suis heureux que vous ayez trouvé votre couteau Project

Right, enough of that, I'm off for a Tom tit.

Saw This and Thought of You

Oui, mon couteau est très important. Il me protège des zombies et Stalin.

The gin went down a little too well....

Merde ikl. Do you have a sore head?

There’s only 2 cures. More gin, or adrenaline. Are you up for a quick assassination or would gin be quicker?

Project I don't have a hangover but I do like the sound of both activities in any case!

@ProjectGainsborough - I could probably be up for both.

Project be careful with using your couteau to defend against zombies because naked is a zombie apocalypse and you wouldn't want to hurt her.

If there are any zombies coming, just remember to ask them if they are a part of naked before you strike

DT am i going to have to serve you with a Reg 15? You and I both know to what I'm referring. TL did you buy the book?

Whoops! Here I am, reporting for duty in full uniform, sir!

Excellent DT good to see you back in uniform, pissed on slanket in place.

I like this OP, I can't find her previous post from earlier today but she called her husband a 'bossy purple' which is the best weird insult I've ever heard.

In this one she calls him a cunt and I like that too! I also like her user name:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3578934-To-never-eat-salsa-again?pg=2

People were suggesting her username was unpleasant. I did want to name change to something really revolting, just to add to their discomfort, but I remembered that not everywhere is as accepting as Thighland

DT could have name changed to Dastardly Tentacles on that thread.

The shop was shut, Thigh.

It's not too late!

The deed has been done! Thanks for the tip off this

And you didn't break in TL? Speaking of CCTV there's a very poncy independent school near me that has a sign I'm very desperate to deface. It says An Opportunity for Every Boy. How i want to insert Rich. The yummy mummies scowl at my trusty Kia Rio and vociferous Jack Russells from behind their yoga mats and it makes my slanket crawl with rage.

I also have a distaste for that 'snooty-but-useless mummy' sort of thing thigh , is there any way we could deface all of their landrover discoveries by night?

Good work DT.

My favourite comment is this one. I can’t work out if it’s a typo or just a bit surreal.

Can jam grow mould?

If ham was growing mould I would assume something had got into it

Thigh, I didn’t. Fairly sturdy looking window and quite a few people around. It’s a charity shop so I would have to have pretended to have been desperate to make a donation.

To deface the sign you just need to pop on a hi-viz jacket and go up a ladder, looking official. It’s a strange truth that high visibility garments render you invisible.

You could get some types from this guy, but he does it at night: www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b08kys4c

Tips!

I’m being advertised pushchairs and family homes